[curioustokno]

My boyfriend is torned between me and his motherand he feels like he has got to choose, how can I deal with this type of situation

[rankrank55]

May I ask what is making him feel like he has to choose? There has to be some sort of situation going on here. Elaborate more if you could.

[curioustokno]

Ive tried that and it depresses him more, but one thing I know for sure is that he is a mommas boy and wants to marry me HELP

[rankrank55]

NO, I was asking YOU to tell ME why he thinks he needs to choose. Is it just because he feels like he is obligated to his mother? What's the situation?

[curioustokno]

Yes , he feels obligated to her, but wants me to understand what he and his mom went through in the past with hard times, what's a woman to do when she is constantly in our business

[rankrank55]

So is he debating on whether to marry you or live with his mom?

[curioustokno]

We been together for a year and a half now and he says she can say what she wants nothing is going to change the way he feels about me, ooooh that really pisses her off, so she just takes all of her frustrations out on him and he don't know what to do, oh by the way, he and I lives together and she really hates that, because she wants him to take care of her and not me, please understand I make this man happy and she just want leave us alone

[rankrank55]

So is this more about your man or the mother?

Anyway, I will take it from this position... here's my advice. You should bring it up immediately, and in a way that lets your boyfriend know what a serious, relationship-defining issue this is. If he is a mama's boy who is so attached to his mother he will do whatever she wants, it is unlikely you will ever be the most important woman in his life which is unfortunate. This kind of attachment is not normal or healthy but it's not as rare as you might think. Unfortunately, some men are tethered to their mothers and don't have enough room in their lives for a spouse to fit. This often indicates an unhealthy dynamic between mother and son. Sometimes, mom sets up a situation where he must choose between the two women. Or she preys on his feelings of guilt, claiming he owes her, or is a bad son. This may work for him, especially if he is afraid of intimacy or the loss of his mother's love. Though you say he thinks his attachment to his mom is OK, you are unclear about whether he has dismissed your concern, or whether he truly doesn't know it is a problem because you are afraid to mention it. Bottom line here, if your relationship is serious, you should be the main woman in your man's life. If you are bothered that his mother holds that primary place, and if he insists on keeping the status quo, you are destined for unhappiness.

[statictable]

Does he have any sibs? A concern about their dynamic; this could go on and on till she meets her maker and continue on and on till he meets his maker. A typical "black hole" a bottemless pit full of anger, pitty and there will be a never ending battle for truth, justice and their way. So what'll you be doing year after year?

[talaniman]

Moms and kids will never leave each other alone, but you can limit your own contact with her, and give him space to deal with his own mother. He does come home to you, so stay out of their business.