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Hi all.

I've been reading topics on this forum since a month now and I finally decided to post here and seek any kind of help or advice for I have greatly grew fond of it. My "story" might be a bit long and boring but I'd like to share it all to get the best help possible.
Due to it's length it will be divided in twp posts. Sorry for this.

I'm 25 and she's almost 22 now and we've been together for 5 years.
The relationship was really strong and nothing superficial. For almost everyday we spent hours together and it was never boring nor we did feel that we even lack anything. Everything was perfect for us both (disregarding the fights here and there, we never minded them) and we even planned to get engaged the very next year when she graduates.

5 months ago we've been having a lot of fights... I was way too stressed and had way too many problems to deal with and asked her to take it easy on me the during that period cause I'm unable to handle everything at once. She's a very jealous person and likes to nagg a lot and all that related stuff.. I never minded that at all, sometimes it bothers me, but still, I didn't mind it as long as she doesn't push it way too much. Ironically she did push things way too much during this period.. so I got real mad and decided to break up in a moment of rage.. I felt sorry for this and knew I was wrong, but I had to deal with my problems and fix things before talking back to her.. so after a month if complete silence from my part we talked and solved things and we got back together just like before. That was back in April.. then in May, the same thing happened again and it was because I showed up 2 mnts late after she got out of class cause I met 2 girls who used to be my classmates on my way to her... she made a scene and got way too jealous and started screaming and yelling at me in the hall as if I was a little kid who did something so wrong. I kept it cool and tried to cool her down and explaining to her that it's only 2 mnts, no big deal, I just had to say hi to these girls as its been 4 years since we met. She kept shouting and ended up saying "f**k off" and went away. Few seconds later she realised what she said and she came appologising to me and stuff... we always treated each other with respect and never talked to her this way or said this kind of words. I felt so humilated and just couldn't get it nor even understand what was the reason for all of this!
I had a serious thinking and couldn't see that I can stand all of this or the way she treats me.. but also I didn't want to break up.. I tried to explain to her how serious things are getting and how really I am going mad and that I'm still dealing with lots of family problems.. she wouldn't get it, so I had to stay mad for a whole month and not wanting to deal with anything related to her at that time.. she kept saying sorry and promised to take care of things from now and smooth her temper etc... so in June, we got back together after we sorted all these things out.. we both stayed loyal and we never had any cheating issues or anything and we both had the love burning so strong in us.

Few days later she tells me that there's this special training thing that is being done abroad starting in July and that it's really important for her to do it.. but she's not sure if she wants to apply cause its period is 1 month and the half and she didn't want to be away from me all this time. So I encouraged her to do it and that its for her own benefit and for her future and explained to her how much it would help her with her major. So I backed her up fully, even though deep down in me I was really sad, but I wanted the best for her. So I helped her with all the papers and even submitted them myself for her...
A week later she gets the reply and she gets admitted.. she was so happy and I was so happy for her, but also knew that I'm going to have a rough time misisng her during all this time especially that lately I've been missing her a lot because of those fights...

And here is how the story starts..

Her travel was on July the 4th... 2 weeks before that day, my friends were going to the beach, so invited us to go and told us that they will be leaving in 2 hours, so we have time to get things ready. She said that she won't go cause she has studies and she isn't so ready.. I didn't want to be pushy so it was fine with me.. I went with my friends.. an hour after that I called her to check on her and tell her how I miss her and wish she came along.. so when I asked her how the studying is going, she said that she;s on the net and she's not studying.. so I asked why and what is she doing on the net instead of studying.. so she started yelling and shouting and said that its none of my business and how can I go to the beach and leave her home etc... and she admits that she;s jealous and didn't want me to go with my friends cause she couldn't go all while keeping the high voice and the bad attitude.. and it's been only 2 weeks that we've been together and that she promised that she won't do this anymore.. I tried to cool things down but she won't listen.. so I told her that there is no way to keep going on like this, it's just getting worse!!

2 weeks goes by and no word.. she travels and says nothing... I kept hoping that she would contact me while she would be away.. but nothing.. 10 days went on her travel and nothing.. so I dropped her an e-mail and told her how much I miss her and even if she drives me nuts and act crazy, I still love her etc...
She called and we talked for hours.. she explained to me that she's really hurt from the last few months and the way I acted and walked away for all this time and she can't tolerate this etc.. So I promised her that I won't react this way anymore, it's just because I way too stressed etc.. So we got back together like before once again and everything was so smooth...
So she started telling me about how great that country is how great she feels and all the fun she;s having etc.. And she showed me the pics and that stuff.. so I was surprised during the days that alsmot in every picture there's the same guy standing next to her or having his hands on her shoulders etc.. Its like in every 10 pictures he's in 5 or 6 of them...
I felt real jealous and was really chocked to see all these pictures at the same time with no previous warning or anything.. so I acted crazy and started asking about this guy and if he had something going on etc.. She said no and explained that he's just another person doing the same training and he's only 18 years old. So I dropped the subject...
Few days later she tells me that she no longer speaks to him and that he did a nasty thing and she refused to tell me what it is.. so I did let it go and but I started having lots of doubts and wondering what the hell is going on there.. but I tried my best to keep it cool so she can have a good time there and not ruin it for her even though she knew how bad I feel and how I am having a hard time staying here waiting for her to come... but she didn't show that she cared much and I could feel it, which kind of boosted my doubts even more and wondered more about what's going on with her...
A week later we were talking on the phone.. and asked if that kid did try to do anything to upset her and she said no and that he appologised for her and she forgave him.. I didn't concentrate and went on with our conversation and told her how I mis her.. and she didn't say anything back.. so I was like "hello? I miss you?".. and suddenly she starts talking about how she no longer knows how she feels towards anymore and it's been since our last fight that she;s been feeling this way and she didn't tell me about it cause she thought it would go away with time.. but it didn't and she asked for a break! I couldn't get it.. I refused to let her have a break and explained to her that a break won't do us any good now especially that she;s having a break already since she;s away and having lots of fun,. so what's the problem? She never explained and kept on insisting that she needs a break with no contact.. so I had to respect her will and agreed even though I didn't want that and it kind of chocked me! This is the first time that she says something like that especially about her feelings toward me.. so we agreed that she would drop me e-mails to let me know how she;s doing every now and then and I promised that I won't even reply cause she doesn't want to know anything about me... she was kind of happy that I agreed on this and thanked me for understanding.. and said that when she gets back on August 20 we will talk about it all...

10 days go on and no word from her while she;s been there... and I started to get worried and even missed her so much more... and it was during this time that I came acrross this forum and started reading the topics and it made go nuts seeing the amount of girls asking for a break and cheating on their BFs. So it made me go more insane... I waited for a week after that.. and still nothing.. so I dropped her an e-mail asking how is she doing and that I miss her.. but no reply... and this is when things fall apprat for me and got into this depression and low self-esteem. I couldn't get what's going on and understand why she;s doing this and what's going on with her feelings and started having these feelings about maybe she;s dating a guy there... I had no choice but to wait as this was the advice of every person on this forum for all the others asking what to do in a break situation.. so I kept silent till she came back on the 20th (5 days ago)...
I called her and we met the next day...

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She said that she no longer knows how she feels towards me and that her feelings are cold and that she no longer wants this relation or me and that she;s been hating my guts since 2 months and that she never even missed me while being out there and that she was faking it all during the last 2 months and never meant any word she said to me... and wanted me to get out of her life.
The she added that she dated a guy there while she was talking to me still.. he was a complete stranger.. she went out with him 5-6 times at least and that they kissed... and that she didn't feel guilty nor missed me at all either. All of this was ebing said to me in a real cold voice and an indifferent attitude.. it was like a hammer over my head..
I went mad and started calling her names and told her to leave immediately!

Since 2 days and nothing from her... and I don't know what to do nor how I feel! I'm enraged and feel like!! I can't get how she cheated on me so cheaply nor get how come she could have been lying to me during all this time nor how she managed to get rid for her emotions toward me in such a small time after 5 years of love!!

I talked to her friend today.. and she told me that my girl lied to me about the kiss thing and that it didn't happen.. she said that she told me that so that I can hate her and leave her alone and never get back near here too... but I don't know the kiss thing doesn't change a thing for me anyway. Cheating is cheating...

My family and friends helped me a lot during the last month and advised me to forget about her and that she;s not worth it etc... but I really I don't know, I'm mad about her and I don't know what to do anymore and this why I decided to finally post in here.

I still love her so much, even though I feel so hurt and heart broken.. her talking was so harsh and I still find a great deal digesting what I heard and saw!
Deep down inside, I want her back.. but when I think of what happened I find it hard to accept.. yet still, she doesn't want me back and no longer loves me as it seems...
I no longer know what to do or how I even feel.. its all rage and hate and love and disgust mixed up in me! She didn't show any sign of regrets or even called.. and I doubt that she will ever call either...

Please, any help would me much appreciated.

Thanks a lot and so sorry for the long post.

[nicespringgirl]

Getting over a break up is hard. The first step is accepting what happened and telling yourself you cannot control the situation. Look for this as an opportunity to improve yourself and find someone better than your ex. Sometimes its good to go to a place that over looks a large land mass, just look as far as you can. It really helps you get your mind off things and makes you realize what a big world full of opportunity it really is.
Peace and love.

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I just keep hoping that she might call and tell me that she misses me and want us back.
I'm having a hard time accepting what happened and I don't know if I should try to contact her.

Please help!

[missbeach123]

No don't contact her, she seems to be walking all over you. I really am angered by the way she is treating you, I was treated similarly by my ex boyfriend. Don't let other people be reckless with your heart, and the only way you can do this is cut her out. Don't call her, and if she does call, don't answer. You have the right to be mad and angry. When I was going through my breakup, a read that "The same neuron pathways that are used when one is feeling depressed are also involved with feeling anger" and also "One cannot feel saddness while feeling anger" For this very reason, because the neuron pathways are being used. So when you can muster some courage, realize what she has done to you is MESSED and leave your saddness and replace it with healthy anger. (This is a temporary fix to help you get strong and get over it, try not to dwell forever).

NO CONTACT. PERIOD.

GOOD LUCK, your story really resignates with me...

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Thanks a lot for the advice. I'll do that. So far I'm doing well about the no contact part, but honestly it's driving me nuts to not receive any text or a call from her.
I'm having a hard time believieving that she's over it and moved on so quickly with no real serious reason at all or a major problem.

I'm sorry to hear that you passed through a similar situation, I never felt so upset before and never imagined that I could ever be so miserable and torn.

Based on what happened to you, did your ex called you back or said that he would love to have you back? Or he went on with his life?

I think I'm having a serious denial problem :( I even sometimes feel that if she talks back to me and expresses her regrets sincerely I would forgive her, but then I force myself to not think this way. And I don't know why I'm not so angry at her, I still have my feelings toward her intact.

Am I too stupid for feeling and thinking this way?

[serena6878]

That is because you really and truly love her with a deep emotion. I understand what you feel now.
Talaniman once told me, to think over whether he or she is worth that. You can think over that question too.
I wish you good luck.

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Thank you so much Serena. Your words triggered something in me. If I take out her attitude and actions in the past month and the half while she was abroad I certainly say she's worth it without any hesitation. So based on this, I made the following...

I called her, first she didn't want to talk to me cause she showed me that she's very angry about the words I said to her the other day when we talked. I told her that I'm sorry and didn't mean them but I obviously said them cause I felt real hurt being cheated on. So she said that it's not cheating cause back then she made her mind about leaving me. I explained to her clamly that she didn't let me know back then about dumping me and it wasn't right and that I'm ready to forget about this now and want to solve things.
She was surprised to hear this and said "how come in 2 days you can say that you forgive me? Are you for real?" So I told her that I do love her so much that I can forgive her to make this relation go on.. and I told her that we need to have a calm conversation... she was hesitant and didn't want to as she said that she already made her mind up about this and there is no need to talk about anything anymore as I am no longer her man.
I went on explaining to her that it's worth it and it's crazy just to throw these 5 years away like that while we can still be together and things are fine... so she finally accepted to meet me tomorrow and talk. But the thing is, she kept insisting on saying that righ now she doesn't want to be with anyone and that she doesn't want to have any kind of "responsability" and that stuff.. I told her that we'll talk about this tomorrow.
And she never stopped talking about the 3 months of fighting and how pissed and fed up from my actions back then.. I kept telling her that it was a period and it won't happen again and we can make things work.. so she said, we'll see tomorrow and she needs to hang up now cause she doesn't feel like talking anymore.

I'm a bit confused about her reaction.. I have a strong faith that I can make things work, but she seems to be so stubborn now and doesn't want to change her mind.

She's still talking to me in this cold/bit rude way.. and it make handling the conversation a bit hard. Any help/advice/comment/insight would be much appreciated. I'm a bit nervous about what to say tomorrow and how am I going to handle the situation.

[serena6878]

I should thank you because you even gave me some encouragement for my simple ideas.
When I was told to let go my love, I told person who gave me advice here that the only thing I care about was whether he loves me or not. I told people here that I would not let go, until I knew he didn't love me. However, I know the love from him is not deep enough.
I wondered the same thing as you did. We once experienced so many happiness, how could someone say good bye so easily?
I once thought guys were different from girls.
But your post made me confirm my belief that guys who really love a girl would not forget and let it go so easily.
I know I am invested more.
When was the last time I cried for love? Maybe it was last Thursday. No matter how well it is going on later, I could still remember the day he said those things to me with a smile. Whenever I think of it, I feel pains in my heart. Apparently the only thing I care about failed to my hope at that day. And I just didn't want to accept it at the very moment.
The prove of a love should be the entering of marriage altar. If people are not mature enough to give a life long commitment, and if they don't love us deeply, we should leave bravely.
Thank you too!

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I guess I know what the answer will be honestly. The more I think of it the more I realise that she truly doesn't give a damn. And yes, I'm really at chock how people can say good bye and drop it all without holding on to anything so easily.

I told my family and my friends what happened today and it really pissed them all off and advised me to keep some dignity and stop this self-humiliation. It made me feel worst honestly, but I no longer know what's "right" or "wrong".

My words were harsh last time we met and I don't know why she accepted to see me tomorrow while she says that she already made up her mind and there is no turning back. And on top of that the cheating thing isn't making my decisions any better.. I want to forgive but at the same time it's like sacrificing any honor lef tin me and makes me wonder how would my trust be towards her if things worked out?
I'm calmer now so Im starting to think a bit more about what I did and I still don't know what to say tomorrow... I mean, what should I say "come back to me, I forgive you for dumping me and for cheating on me?" It doesn't make much sense to me, yet on the other hand I don't want it to end like this nor lose her. She also doesn't show any positive signs and still no remorse on her side.. like she doesn't feel any guilt or even care about me at all. It's like I became this complete stranger to her now, which drives me nuts.

How am I supposed to handle things tomorrow if she keeps her word and calls me to fix a meeting in the morning as we agreed? (If she doesn't call, I guess the answer would be more than clear. And for some reason I'm not having any high hopes anymore).

[mckenzie134]

NO CONTACT IF SHE WANTS TO COMNE BACK SHE WILL.. yOU HAVE NO SAY IN THE MATTER AND REALLY WHY WOULD YOU WANT SOMEONE WHO CHEATS ON YOU.. tO MANY NICE WOMEN IN THE WORLD TO HAVE ONE THAT DOES NOT WANT TO E FAITHFUL TO YOU.

Its hard to let go but any contact you have with her would be stuipid. If you think about it properly at the moment she doesn't want you so why would you want a person in your life like that..

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You're totally right and I became fully convinced regarding this and acted today upon this conviction. So I would really appreciate it if you guys tell me if I handled things well today.

She called me today in the morning and picked me up from the house to have a walk by the sea and talk.

To cut it short the conversation was divided into two things.. the first thing she showed some weakness and said that she needs time alone now before she can decide if she wants us back or not.. I didn't comment much on this and didn't really show that I was any "excited" about this.. she kept saying some paradoxial stuff that really bored me and got on my nerve and couldn't honestly understand a word.. so I kept silent.
Then she suddenly spoke about the "cheating" thing and kept saying that it's not really cheating and that she lied to me about the kiss.. she said that he tried to kiss her but she backed off. I explained to her that it doesn't change a thing and that she dated a guy right when we were still talking and that she also promised me while she;s there that she will never date anyone and that she really want to talk about it all when she comes back. So I noticed that she really felt guilty and she kept silent. So this is when I made my move and said "Well ok, thanks for your time and if you don't want to consider it as cheating then do so this way you won't feel guilty. Have a nice day and bye bye" And I left her while she kept standing there for don't know when...

I just got home and opened my msn.. so I found that she made a new account and that she added me.. so I accepted the add request and she was online.. (she's still till this very moment). I didn't message her or said anything and I don't want to, I'm not blocking her to see how strong I can be and never contact her... and she didn't say anything too.

I feel good and strong for some reason now.. It's like I feel that I walked away with dignity and kept my honor in some way. But I think the tough part now is maitaining this attitude and NEVER contact her again no matter what.

What do you think? Did I handle it well? And should I keep it this way?

[serena6878]

As long as you would be happier later. You would meet someone whose name is written on the star with you sooner.

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I wish... more and more and more stupidity from my part and more and more bad feelings.

I kept thinking yesterday and analyising things over and over again and I came to a conclusion that maybe all of this happened because we fought a lot in the last period and I was the one responsible for the "bad" reaction by leaving her hanging for a month every time... and as it seems she's really pissed at this and always make sure to say that this is THE reason for all of this to happen and end this way.
I really felt guilty.. and said to myself that I should fight hard to win her back. So I came up with this "plan" to maybe restore some of her feelings or don't know what.
I thought if maybe I just see her for one week... have a good time and never discuss anything related to the relation ship or any past things.. like we're first dating it could work out. I thought that this could really work especially that I felt that she wants us back deep inside. So I made ANOTHER stupid move today..

I called this morning all happy and cheered up with few nice jokes in the bag.. she was asleep and my call woke her up.. she responded in a very harsh way and started screaming that she wanted to sleep, so I said "sorry, ok". The she told me that she'll call in 30 mnts.

In 30 mtns she texted me (didnt call) saying that she doesn't want to meet me cause I'll bring the subject of getting back together and she thinks its futile although she appriciates what I'm trying to do. So I replied telling her that it got nothing to do with us at all and I just feel like seeing her and talking to her and that I got a present to her from a good time that I'd like her to have it. Right away she shows up online and acts all busy saying that her friend just came and that she got to go and she can't see me today. I said I need only one hour of her time.. so she said "ok, I'll call you at night, bye". That was all.
Now I feel like even more upset and all the spirit up in me is crushed down to earth once again. It's just the way she treats me like a complete and TOTAL STRANGER seriously drives me nuts and hurts me badly! I feel now so guilty for thinking this way and calling her and I no longer know what to do IN CASE she calls tonight as she promised to.

I feel like I'm moving in quicksand, with every step I make I drown more and feel so much worse!! I really don't want to feel this way anymore.. it's been 1 month and the half since I feel this way and I just got SICK OF IT! I just don't give a damn anymore, I just want this feeling to end! I can't focus nor have fun nor do anything I really want to do no matter how stupid it is!

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Ok, just to keep things updated with you all...
Well that day (2 days ago) she sent me a message in the afternoon and told me when and where to meet. We met.. I kept the conversation smooth and didn't bring anything up. Just talking about general things and act a bit funny every now and then.. she was a bit amazed so she said "how can you do this and act as if nothing is going on? I know you, whats on your mind?". So I told her about the "week" thing and explained to her that it might help us both be 100% of the whole thing.. she hesitated and explained to me that if I'm doing this to know if she's happy with me or not then I'm wrong cause she will be really happy with me during this week and this is what she said exactly "I'll be happy with you throughout this whole week, but that's the problem, it will make things more complicated for me. I took my decision and I don't want to get more confused..". Then she ads "ok, let me think about it and I'll call you tomorrow". I said OK and left...

The next day (yesterday), she texted me and told me to check my e-mail and that she's sorry for not being able to call.. the e-mail stated that she feels ike she owes me this week and she can't refuse but she doesn't think it's a good idea.. I replied and said OK.. so she gets online.. we talk about it and she clearly states that it will make things harder for her and that she's trying to move on, find a part time job and keep herself busy. I told her that saying yes or no would be just fine.. then she says that she needs a break and right after it says "God, I don't want you to wait. Forget about it, Im over the break, I don't want you to wait". She cuts the conversation and says that she has to go.. so she says "we'll see about this week thing.. bye" and left.

Since then I decided to officially go with NC! Nothing from my part or hers since then...

Is she really confused and wants a break? Or she's just trying to act nice and telling me to go to hell in a "nice" way?

But I'll make sure that NO CONTACT happens from my part!

[talaniman]

Whatever she is trying to move on and so should you so accept that its over and do what she is doing... moving on with her life, without you.

[Dark_Slasher]

Um... I find boths fault in it...

You were just losing and doing nothing...

Don't CALL HER OR SHE WILL GO MORE FAR FROM YOU...
Its her time to love you...

You have done your bit... Hoping your situation solves soon...

GOOD LUCK!!