[Sunshine101]

Hi, been dating a boy off an d on for 2 years. I am so in love with him. I know deep down he has feelings for me but has never said anything about them. I can tell by the way he looks at me and the way he acts when we have sex. He is very intense but then he goes cold afterwards. He is with a girl right now and feels too bad to leave her even though I know he has feelings for me. What do I do and which way do I turn to get him to commit, or express his feelings, or leave her and be with me. Help!? Please someone help me understand how men think and feel. I do not want to control him, I love him just the way he is.

[GlindaofOz]

Oh honey. If a guy doesn't want a commitment from you and is with someone else he is not serious about you. You are projecting the way you feel onto him.

Not to be brutal, but if after 2 years of being with you off and on and he still has not asked you for to be in a committed relationship he never will. What he has going on right now is a classic "having his cake and eating it too" scenario. If he wanted to leave this other girl to be with you he would. You are the other woman.

Please respect and love yourself more then this. You deserve to have someone who will love you for everything you have.

[GlindaofOz]

Sunshine101 agrees: Deep down I know this, but since I know I'm in love with him now, I guess I'm grasping at straws for him to come right out and tell me how he feels about me. God, I'm so messed up over this guy. I am so much better than this.


Beating yourself up won't get you anywhere. The best thing to do is the next time he calls say sorry I'm not interested in more hang up and that's it. No conversation no explanation needed. This is about YOU feeling good not him. He has spent 2 years making you feel bad. Done... NEXT! You are worth more then this. You deserve to have someone really love you and treat you special. Remember that. Write it down and tape it to your mirror and read it all the time.

[_Chris_]

Hi, been dating a boy off an d on for 2 years. I am so in love with him. I know deep down he has feelings for me but has never said anything about them. I can tell by the way he looks at me and the way he acts when we have sex. He is very intense but then he goes cold afterwards. He is with a girl right now and feels too bad to leave her even though I know he has feelings for me. What do I do and which way do I turn to get him to commit, or express his feelings, or leave her and be with me. Help!!!??? Please someone help me understand how men think and feel. I do not want to control him, I love him just the way he is.

Yeah so he cares about you. So do most strangers you know. That's why if you fell down, the average person would say, "you okay miss?"

That "caring about someone" even very deeply is "not enough". There are people who beat their girlfriends, but still do at some level of care about them and cry when the girl leaves them.

Caring, as many examples of social interactions, relationships, and marriages have proven, is not enough.

Maybe he cares, but he doesn't care as much as you need to be cared for in order to have a healthy relationship. Why should he commit? Like why should he pay for something he's getting for free? He knows your love is free and very easy. This isn't attractive.

You have to cut him loose. Show him you're worth more than the sh*t level you're putting yourself at. This doesn't mean you have to be mean to him, but it means, "surprise", that your life is going to be a good one "despite him".

Have no agenda. Don't have an agenda for "him" that is. From now on, you do things for you. You start looking great, feeling great, and going out for "you". You need to bring your worth "up" and fast, because this situation, whether you know it or not, is bringing down your self-esteem. No woman should wait around and be like "well he cares about me everyone, but has a problem committing to me...oh...and he's with another girl". Yes we know he cares about you, but lady, you have no idea how he doesn't care about you the amount you need to be cared about. If you leave, he might learn his lesson and go "gotta start acting like a man and treating her right". Otherwise, you're just rewarding bad behavior.

Come on, you know your own answers. You know you got to get out. You just don't know that you "can actually" do it.