Need some help

Wizard7779 · Jun 16, 2005, 12:31 PM

What to do if a guy I like is shy? He is talkative sometimes, but others he's not. SOmetimes he talks to me and sometimes he doesn't.

Wildcat21 · Jun 16, 2005, 12:35 PM

Why not call him right now? He would be flattered. Just say: calling to say hi - and bust on him and ASK IF HE IS SHY?

Then ask if he wants to hang out on a certain night.

Keep the pressure low - don't ask ANY relationship questions. Keep it short.

He who ends the call first gains power!

Wizard7779 · Jun 16, 2005, 01:04 PM

OK maybe I will

Wildcat21 · Jun 16, 2005, 01:11 PM

Well, then here was what you HAVE to do. Cut off ALL communication.

If a guy was really into you he WOULD jump through hoops to be with you OK?

You need to create a challenge and become unavailable. These aren't games - these time tested things you have to do.

IF you act too anxious to make a relationship work, even if the other person initially seemed to be the one who wanted it, they will become turned off and start looking for the exits. Next time you decide you really want somebody, play your cards close to your chest. Don’t let on how excited you’ve become. Slowly over many months of time you can eventually show more commitment on your part, but do so incrementally, remaining alert to equal signs of commitment back. If at any point your devotion is more than an equal share, back off and give the other person a chance to catch up before proceeding further.

It is their perception, rightly or wrongly, that someone nice must be desperately needy. The neediness or dependent characteristics exhibited by a person are actually what is repulsive.

I am wonder if you come ACROSS as too needy?

Wizard7779 · Jun 16, 2005, 01:37 PM

OK, then I will not communicate him for a while

Wildcat21 · Jun 16, 2005, 01:42 PM

Yes. Don't be needy. Be independent.

I am not saying totallt blow him off - just be less available - YOU BE BUSY AS WELL. Don't ask for a date.

docv · Jun 16, 2005, 09:23 PM

Your posts have intriqued me. The questions being asked and the answers being given all sound like games to me. I, for one, don't believe in them.

I have always been brutally honest. In one way, I wear my heart on my sleeve and leave it all out in the open. True, I have been hurt because of it... but doesn't every relationship, whether they stand the test of time or not, have a certain amount of heartache in them? Even the best of relationships experience pain. That is what love, emotions, and feelings are all about.

I wouldn't "play the game". Let the man know what you are thinking. It is true that actions speak louder than words. If his actions aren't matching what he is saying (which it doesn't sound like they are), then I would guess something is up with him. If he says nothing is wrong but isn't as "in to you" as you once thought he was... I would see some red flags going up.

Honey, he isn't the only man out there. I know it may seem like he may be "the one". But, as great as things seem like in the beginning, they don't always pan out in the long run. I speak from experience. I married a man who I thought was the perfect match for me. After ten long years... it turned out he wasn't. Time changes everyone... and it changed him, and not for the better. I was devastated when my marriage ended. I never thought I could trust another man and would never open back up. However, I am now with a man who feels like my true soulmate. Time will only tell... but I am more than willing to experience the pain if he is not because of all the great memories we have already created over the past two years.

My advice would be to tell him what you are thinking and feeling (which it sounds like you already have), let him say his peace (which it sounds like he already did) and let it go. If you meet up... great. But don't committ to someone who doesn't sound like they are ready to return the commitment. Continue looking. That someone is out there.

Good luck :o

Wildcat21 · Jun 17, 2005, 07:32 AM

Nope - it's not games - heartache is avoidable. These are Psycological pracices humans need in relationships. Things you have to do the rest of your life.

Wildcat21 · Jun 17, 2005, 07:33 AM

Please go to www.lovetactics.com and read all the articles. You can then get an understanding of Love.

lickemlolly · Jun 17, 2005, 09:38 AM

Lol I have to laugh at the games thing... but seriously the way to find out if a guy is really serious about you is to cut off communication... he will come around... they always do... right now you are too available so even if he isn't interested he knows you are still sitting around waiting for him so he can come around whenever he feels like it... back off a little and see what happens... if he contacts you then GREAT but if not don't pick up the phone to call or be the first to I'm...

Wizard7779 · Jun 17, 2005, 01:06 PM

I have not communicated him and I think it's working

Wildcat21 · Jun 17, 2005, 01:22 PM

Just keep busy.

I have a feeling you will hear from him, but you do need to not contact him. I wouldn't return his calls right away either and don't answer them.

Wizard7779 · Jun 17, 2005, 01:24 PM

Thanks for the advice.