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utkalasegu · Dec 14, 2009, 05:49 PM

Basically there is a guy I really like a lot...
But he thinks that I've used him all this time and I'm trying to manipulate him emotionally instead of "directly" or something and he just doesn't believe how much I really like him.

Enigma1999 · Dec 14, 2009, 06:10 PM

Hello U,

Can you give us more details, please?

How does he feel manipulated emotionally?

How old are you two?

How long have you guys been dating? That's if, you are even dating.

Used him, how so?

Have you two made love?

I would like to help you out, however, I need a better understanding to your situation?

Thank you.

utkalasegu · Dec 14, 2009, 06:27 PM

We both are 17, and no we have no dated. But I really would like too... and yeah we have kissed but not gone very far with that. Basically we've liked each other for a year now and we both know it and we've told one another as well. However I still sometimes talk to my ex and I met him last month without telling the guy I like now, and he found out about that. But I have NO feelings for my ex and I told him that too. But he's like you've just used me all this time you truly do like your ex and stuff. And I used to cry a lot during this school year and all my friends/his friends were like aw no don't cry hez being stupid and doesn't believe how much you like him so basically they "disliked" him because of how he treated me. And he thinks that was all a part of my manipulation plan as well, to make everyone think he's at fault and crying to guilt trip them all. I really don't want anybody to hate him at all. I don't know what to do anymore but I like him a lot... n it sucks seeing him and everyone at school hate me literally.

Enigma1999 · Dec 14, 2009, 06:44 PM

Hello again U,

Thank you for the clairification. Now you have painted me a better picture.

The fact that you hung out with your ex and didn't tell this guy would upset him and make him not trust you. Put yourself in his position, if the tables were turned, you would feel the same way.

You mentioned that you tried to talk to him. Maybe you should try talking to him again. If he doesn't budge, then maybe its time to move on.

You should take it as a learning lesson not to with hold information from the one you have or want a relationship with. Trust and communication is the key factor to a successful realationship, without it, there is nothing.

Good luck.

jaime90 · Dec 16, 2009, 01:45 PM

I wouldn't push it with a guy that really isn't interested. Trying to get him to like you IS manipulative, and extremely disrespectfull. It also is very inappropriate to be giving mixed signals- kissing him, yet talking to your ex. He more than likely took a step back, looked at the situation, and decided "no."

If you have an ex-boyfriend, you should keep him out of your life and not contact him. Ex's only cause problems in relationships and potential relationships. Not only do they cause problems, but they cause thoughts and feelings, that will appear throughout your entire life. Not only will you have to deal with thoughts and feelings for your ex's now- you will have to notify your future husband of your ex's, and deal with those feelings inside of your marriage... (this is why it's best NOT to date around, or date for sport.)

If you want to show him that you care, consider his feelings on the matter, and leave it rest.

utkalasegu · Dec 24, 2009, 10:44 AM

I completely understand that it is very wrong to meet my Ex when I do like this guy so much and we've gotten so close. But I apologized for it all, like I blocked my ex on my Facebook, aim, Yahoo EVERYTHING. We are not in contact in any way shape or form. And I promised to fix it all, and that I really like him and can't loose him like this... but nothings working. BUT I HAVE TO FIX IT. Like I like him wayyy too much to let it be. And I'm not dating for a sport, id never ever do that. Ive had one boyfriend all my life, and this is the second guy I've liked so muchhhhh. And it really sucks, not only do us two not talk but almost everyone at school... no one talks to me. And my other best friend that's liked me for 4 years who thinks I used him as a friend too, him too, he hates me sooo much. WHY would I use my best friend? I don't understand why he thinks that, he knew me sooooo well and he thinks I used him... like I don't get what else to say to him anymore.

jaime90 · Dec 24, 2009, 09:43 PM

Trust is earned, and it takes time to earn it. It is not up to him to start trusting you more, it's up to you to gain that trust. When trust is broken in a relationship, it's very difficult to regain- especially if there was lying or cheating involved. If this guy doesn't feel like he can trust you enough and can't stay in the relationship- you need to respect that. Saying that YOU have to fix it because YOU like the guy sooo much, is extremely selfish on your part. Take your eyes off yourself, and consider this poor guy's feelings, instead of trying to "fix" how he feels...

miss watever · Dec 24, 2009, 09:44 PM

Hey in relationship need understanding.thats the key yeah...