[Samson32154]

Sorry for the long post.

My girlfriend and I are on the verge of breaking up –in fact, it’s a done deal. We’ve been dating for 5 years now, and I’m a bit confused if this is what’s best for us.

We began dating when she was just 19 and I was 24. In the beginning, we had a blast together. She was fun, outgoing and a genuinely great person (she still is). However, no matter how well our relationship was going, in the back of my mind, I always felt that this was never going to last forever. When we began dating, she was in her first year of college. She was from out of town and here strictly for school, so I figured I would just make the most of our time together, but I was always hesitant to give too much because I knew she was eventually leaving. Despite this “eventual move” feeling and her graduating, we stayed together, grew together and fell in love.

After her graduating, she eventually stayed and found a job, but our relationship was the main reason she stayed instead of leaving back home after graduating. As she stayed here and we grew together, we got through many obstacles and hurdles, as any long-term relationship does, but we always seemed to work through it – except for one. She eventually began to hate living here , and she began missing her family and friends back home.. my biggest fear has true. For more than I year, we tried to come up with solutions to make our relationship work in the same city. Since I have a secure job, it’s almost impossible for me to move with her back to her hometown (this is what she wants), and any other solution was always temporary, as she always reverted back to the fact that she didn’t want to be here any longer. At the same time, all of this created so much negative energy for our relationship, and we began to argue about the smallest and most trivial of things. I will admit – I became less and less interested in finding solutions to make our relationship work, you can say that I was giving up at times.

With this looming over heads and us arguing more and more, we have decided to break up and her decided to leave back home. Although some of this has to do with her wanting to leave, I can’t help to think that if we tried harder to work through our problems, instead of ignoring them, that we would be happier and she wouldn’t have the want to move back home. However, I feel that I was out of ideas, and no matter what we resolved, we would be in this situation less than three months from now.

Any I wrong for not fighting for her to stay? I don’t want to lose her, but I want her and myself to be happy, even if it’s not with each other.

[backpack2389]

I know you said you have a secure job, but if you really love her, why can't you follow her home? Have you looked for jobs there? She gave up a year and some of her happiness to be with you. Why not return the favor? Have you guys tried discussing a compromise where you stay in your current location for another year or two and then move? There is surely a way to work this out if you want to badly enough.

[Samson32154]

Have you looked for jobs there? Have you guys tried discussing a compromise where you stay in your current location for another year or two and then move? There is surely a way to work this out if you want to badly enough.

I've tried looking for jobs on her city, but they aren't too many to chose from - and salaries are low. I was looking for a career position, not just any job.

We went through this same situation a little over a year ago, and we worked/fought through it. Maybe this is why I'm too tired to fight for her to stay.

[backpack2389]

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but... I think if you won't take a lesser job, she can't stand being away from her family, and you two aren't willing to do a long distance relationship for at least a while, then you just can't have the relationship. You either make it work or you don't.

And, there's no wrong or right in this situation. There's just making a decision. You're worried you're not doing the right thing by her, but she's making her own decisions too. She stayed for you for a year and is ready to leave. You could follow, but you've weighed the scales and decided it's not worth it. If you don't feel good about that choice, then make a different one. Otherwise, you've already chosen and need to let the issue rest.

[bigNavySeal]

Backpack has said it all. One way or the other, her staying in your current city is not going to work. If you break up, you will loose each other. Before you go down that road, stay in the relationship and let her go back home, see how that goes (temporarily long-distance), and for you both to figure out what you want/feel. You may realise that you're willing to relocate for her, e.g. really love her, or are happy off by yourself. Then you can still (mutually) decide to finish it or not.