[XM8]

There's this guy, Niki, who considers me his "best friend". I used to reciprocate but that was a pretty long time ago. And since sometime he has been getting on my nerves.


Anyway, sorry for the long story I just need to let off some steam because no one else will listen to me, so please bear with me.


Let me give you an example of his "charming" behaviour. I recently stopped smoking (almost 3 and a half months in now) and when he found out he was very critical, not only because he's a smoker but it's one of his character flaws.

Believe it or not, but his first words were "what a shame that you stopped". I was about to smack him in the face. I cannot even begin to comprehend the degree of ignorance in the mind of someone who thinks like that.

The other day he tried to make me... "envy" a cigarette. He slowly took out a smoke, left the packet wide open on the table and slowly lit it and took a big puff and exhaled in my face.

I reacted by waving the smoke out my face and telling him "Damn it niki, don't blow your smoke in my face. If I wanted CO2 I wouldn't have quit smoking, would I?".

He then came on with his ad hominem and reminded me that I used to make fun of people who wave smoke away from their face. I think that he was trying to make me look like a hypocrite and remind me that "I once too was a smoker" (as if that means anything), something which he does quite often.

He even went so far as to try and say that smoking doesn't kill. And he continues to offer me cigarettes from time to time and when I say no he sighs and raises his eye brows as if in disgust. I don't think this guy's jealous, I think he's a moron to be honest.


Other times, he'll get out a drink, start sipping, or a snack and doesn't even bother to offer any of it. Correct me if I'm wrong but if someone comes to my house I would be ashamed of myself to start eating or drinking something without offering them any of it.

His mum got him an apartment on the next block to hers, and he uses it almost all the time. I've been sleeping at his house from time to time for months now and he still hasn't even get a proper rubbish bin in there, which is frankly ridiculous. He never cleans up, doesn't do any work whatsoever and is basically a slob to put it plainly.

And if I can't sleep at his house he will get p*ssed at me and start sulking for not being able to sleep over EVERY WEEKEND. This guy doesn't understand I have a life. For him getting his drivers' license is more important than finishing high school. He's 18 in a few months and still has no clue what he wants to do for a living. His highest ambitions are things like being a car tester for a magazine. I mean come on, I want to be a doctor, that's something good and respectable, why the hell am I hanging out with this moron?

My parents didn't like this guy from the start, and now that I've spent so much time with him I think I know why. I've personally had enough of him and I want to get some distance, I've never seen anyone so ignorant in my life.

He claims that I'm his best friend but when he behaves like that I'm like "God help the next git who wants to be his best friend".

I can go on all night about his flaws but stuff it I think you get the message.

So please, how do I get away from this guy permanently?

Thanks,

-Xm8

P.S.

They say familiarity breeds contempt ; I say amen to that.

[dazzling]

I totally understand how u feel. This guy is not your best friend and u need to find better friends.

Best friends try to bring out the best in u and r supportive, if you are trying to better yourself and this person brings u down, this is not a friendship.

I commend u for quitting smoking, and if I were your friend I would support u. U have dreams and u value yourself and u cannot do that by hanging around negative people.

A few yrs ago I got rid of my best friend of 10yrs, she just became a different person and was so negative about me. She never liked or approved of the guys I was dating. One time I went to Italy (after losing my job to clear my head) she said I was irresponsible and was putting myself at risk. She ruined my trip and made me cry. One time I invited her for my Birthday, she said she needed more than a weeks notice to come!!

I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out why she began to treat me this way. But this is what I realized, she was jealous and did not want me to become better than her.

Once I got of rid of her, my life improved, I got married, I started graduate school, I traveled. So don't waste your time with this one & surround yourself with positive friends.

[XM8]

Hey Dazzling,

Thanks a lot for your supportive answer. I'm glad someone can relate :-)

But do you know how I can get away from my "best friend". I don't want to be as rude as he is, I just want to finish this properly and quickly and not leave such a big mess behind.


Thanks,

-Xm8

[dazzling]

Hey Dazzling,

Thanks a lot for your supportive answer. I'm glad someone can relate :-)

But do you know how I can get away from my "best friend". I don't want to be as rude as he is, I just want to finish this properly and quickly and not leave such a big mess behind.


Thanks,

-Xm8

Ur friends seems real needy, so you have to let him down easy and not have a blow out fight.

U start by becoming very busy (no need to explain to him what you are busy with), U stop going over to his apt, I mean no one can make you go there.

When he calls, don't answer, just let him leave messages. When you do answer once in while, say you are in the middle of something, and whatever he says go "uh hah, uh hah" like you are agreeing with him on everything, don't get mad, don't respond, don't give any info about yourself. Just hang up as soon s u can.

Slowly he will get the hint and find someone else to pick on.

[XM8]

Yea you're right he is real needy. My dad told me once the second he finds a girl he will dop me like a hot potato.

Yesterday I was supposed to sleep at his house. However he decided to invite this girl over (who is horrible by the way) because he's leaving for the country side with her.

It was a very crappy night and he sold me out and made fun of me just to be amusing. "Best friend" huh?

Anyway I totally understand what you're saying. The problem is he is a nosy person. If I say I'm busy he'll ask "what are you doing". If I tell him I can't come, or I can't sleep over, he'll ask my why.

And in the end he got so nosy I had to lie to him and I have to keep on doing it because he gets on my nerves. I hate lying but he just drives me to it.

Plus, I naturally started to ignore his calls but when we finally talk he will always tell me "what is this, how come you never call me, how is that "homie" ; (his personal adjective for "friendly"). Yet when I call him or text him and he doesn't answer, I never nag him and b*tch about why he didn't answer and I think that's what gives him the upper hand and makes him think that he owns me or has the right to dominate me and take a sh*t on me.

-Xm8

[talaniman]

I think I would find something else to do, and be to busy, and unavailable to him. Sorry, short of being rude, or cruel, there are no quick fixes.