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dazzling · Apr 11, 2009, 01:25 PM

I have been in this funk for a few years now. I just don't seem to develop meaningful friendships. I go out of my way to be nice to my neighbors, by inviting them for Coffee or lunch, they come but they never call or even ask to see how I am doing, much less invite me to their apt.

Then I have a friend who is great at Inviting us to their house but does not make the same effort to come to my house. I love going to visit them but I would also like it if they made an effort to come to my house or at least meet me half way. (I have suggested this to him with no result)

Similarly, in graduate school, I meet great people, I am nice & friendly but again the friendship is one sided, where I make the phone calls, plan the meetings with no reciprocation on their parts.

I am quite tired of these one sided relationships, especially people who always want to make things convenient for themselves.

I want a friendship where there is an equal exchange, where I feel like my friends also wants the relationship as much as I do and is willing to make an effort to do the same.

Why can't I find this? What am I doing wrong?

artlady · Apr 11, 2009, 02:07 PM

I don't know.
What ideas do you have to toss around ?
Are you a good listener?
Are you fun,do you laugh and enjoy people?
Are you down to earth so people feel at home with you and not like they are being judged?
Those are the things I like in people.

redhed35 · Apr 11, 2009, 02:13 PM

I agree with artlady,are you coming on too strong?

There's a great saying,to have a friend,be a friend.

dazzling · Apr 11, 2009, 02:58 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

I don't know.
What ideas do you have to toss around ?
Are you a good listener?
Are you fun,do you laugh and enjoy people?
Are you down to earth so people feel at home with you and not like they are being judged?
Those are the things I like in people.

These r good questions. I believe I am a good listener, funny and make every effort to make people feel at home. I have a strong personality but I also choose friends who have strong personalities.

N0help4u · Apr 11, 2009, 03:05 PM

I have the same problem I have a bunch of great friends scattered within 20 miles and I don't see many of them for years unless I make the effort to go see them.
People get caught up in their lives and their familiar comfortable surrounding, they get in a rut.
I doubt it is you but more likely that they have a long list of priority (their life) and they never make it down the list.
Find hobbies and things that people do that are in their priority list and get involved with them and then you will have friends that do things you are doing.