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kitten420 · Jan 5, 2009, 10:27 PM

OK I just wanted to know how can a man do this?

Lets just say that the two of you are in love and care a lot about each other and live with each other and you have been together for a while,

Now lets say that a man end up hanging with his friends and something bad happens like he goes to the strip club or plays strip poker with another female or cheats on you.
Then lets say that he comes back home to you and act like nothing ever happened.

MY question is... How can a man that loves you and cares for you look you right in the eyes and not tell you to your face what had happened. How can he act as if everything is OK? And why does a man intend on even doing this stuff like strip poker and strip clubs and lying to you if he loves you so much? WHy do they do these things in the first place? And why does he insist on not telling you about it?

I would love to get answers from a man.

And remember you love this girl and you have been together for a long time. How can you do it? And doesn't it kill you inside?

411Help · Jan 5, 2009, 10:36 PM

Because, cheaters are scum bags. They obviously don't have enough courage to mend what's wrong with their significant other so they go searching in another. While stringing along the current girl just in case.

kitten420 · Jan 5, 2009, 10:40 PM

But what if he didn't cheat. What if he just went to the strip club or he ended up playing strip poker with another girl but he never cheated because he knew it wasn't worth it.

Why would they do this? And why wouldn't they tell their lover that they did it? And how can they stand to even lie to you about it?

411Help · Jan 5, 2009, 10:49 PM

Playing strip poker with another girl is completely unacceptable, in my opinion.

The reasons behind this is very situational.

They didn't tell their lover because they feel guilty and was scared of the outcome.

chrisrvc · Jan 5, 2009, 10:55 PM

Well first of all in all actuality I don't think he had any love for you from the beginning because real love does not end up that way, and the thing about love is that it has to have two real loves to create one.

As for the lying everybody lies. Some to keep things on an even keel , some to keep some things private etc, etc. maybey men more than women LOL I really don't know.
And as for the strip club and such , We are men. And some men can go do that stuff and be honest about it as well as loyal to their better half the whole time, but some men can't.

But none of this really makes someone a bad person or mean because most are natural reactions , with no harm intended. Its also hard to say that he didn't love you because he could have done it ,and all the time knew he was going home to you his woman , just scared to admit to it... right away , or thought it would be better if you found out later LOL there are too many aspects involved to give one type of answer

Hope this helps in any way possible

kitten420 · Jan 5, 2009, 10:56 PM

Well yes that is also considered cheating. I just don't underdstand how men can go around doing these things and lying to the one they love. When a man cheats or does something stupid like that. Does it even occur in the back of his mind that he has a girlfriend that he loves? And that its wrong? Could that be the reasons he didn't go on with the actual intimacy with her? But why didn't he stop when he was playing this game?

411Help · Jan 5, 2009, 11:02 PM

It's not just men. Women are prone to cheat, also.

411Help · Jan 5, 2009, 11:03 PM

Yes, men do realize what they are doing. But, like I said.. It's all situational... Some even do it for the rush.

expat2009 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:07 PM

Well, cheating on you is one thing. Going to a strip club is another. It really depends on the circumstances. You see, usually guys go to a stripclub to have fun as a group when the only thing they want is to have a good time. It's like a male bonding thing, similar to watching sports, or playing video games. It's a time were guys can be guys. There is nothing wrong with this unless a guy actively goes to a stripclub to get off or get private dances. If this is the case, then yes, it's not right.

If he was playing strip poker with some friends --girls and guys-- then it also depends on the circumstances. I mean, a game in a party with many others is just a game, and even if he was involved, I don't see it as bad, I mean it's only naked people. Nothing more. If it was a 2 on 2 or 1 on 1 session, then maybe it's a bit worse. But still, naked people.

What's he going to do? Say "oohhh sorry guys, I can't play/go to the stripclub with you cause I have a gf and it would be like cheating"... it's not even justified I think.

Perhaps instead of guessing what he did, you can tell us what you know and that way we can give you a more accurate analysis.

I know my ex didn't mind me going once to a stripclub with my friends. Neither did I mind her going to a bachelorette party with a couple of strippers. I mean, If it's a party or a social thing. Then there's nothing wrong in my eyes.

If he cheated on you emotionally or physically in the straightest sense of the word --outside a strip club-- and didn't tell you it's because he doesn't want to hurt you. Why hurt someone unnecessarily? Doesn't mean he doesn't love you and doesn't mean he doesn't regret it either. Yes it's wrong, VERY wrong. And not justifiable in any way. Cheating is cheating. But stripclubs and games are not as long as they stay harmless and in the sense of fun.

DJ28 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:07 PM

Yes I was about to say women do this also, I think you question should be more like why would anyone do this. Me as a man would never do this, Ive been to s strip club once and left not to long after because I felt so uncomfortable, and felt like very disrespectful to the girls there. So yeah not all men are like that. As for why he would do that well he obviosly doesn't care or love you at all. If you have t o lie to your love on then you really don't care or love them.

kitten420 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:10 PM

So youall knothis story is about my relationship. My boyfriend ended up going to the strip club which I don't mind because I wanted to go with him. But he lied to me about that and said he never went. Then I found out through a source that he had played strip poker with another female. I then of course confronted him and he said that he is really sorry and he loved me and that it was a mistake and he never cheated on me because of the fact that he knew it was not worth it. Now this happened about 3 months ago. And everyday I think about it specially every time he goes to his friend jasons. I am learning to control my jealousy and I am trying to learn to trust hima again but its hard for me, and I just need to know why men do these things and how can they lie about it everyday knowing they did something wrong. I know that if I did that to him I couldn't live with it and I would have to tell him.

IDK I just want to hear someone tell me that just because they do these things don't mean they don't care or love you. And that it was a mistake.

After this all happened Jamie hasn't left the house for like 2 months and he has proved himself but I just can't get around the fact that he was going to not tell me what happened and that he lied to me. How will I ever know he won't do it again?

kitten420 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:13 PM

Originally Posted by expat2009

Well, cheating on you is one thing. Going to a strip club is another. It really depends on the circumstances. You see, usually guys go to a stripclub to have fun as a group when the only thing they want is to have a good time. It's like a male bonding thing, similar to watching sports, or playing video games. It's a time were guys can be guys. There is nothing wrong with this unless a guy actively goes to a stripclub to get off or get private dances. If this is the case, then yes, it's not right.

If he was playing strip poker with some friends --girls and guys-- then it also depends on the circumstances. I mean, a game in a party with many others is just a game, and even if he was involved, I don't see it as bad, I mean it's only naked people. Nothing more. If it was a 2 on 2 or 1 on 1 session, then maybe it's a bit worse. But still, naked people.

What's he gonna do? Say "oohhh sorry guys, I can't play/go to the stripclub with you cause I have a gf and it would be like cheating" ....it's not even justified I think.

Perhaps instead of guessing what he did, you can tell us what you know and that way we can give you a more accurate analysis.

I know my ex didn't mind me going once to a stripclub with my friends. Neither did I mind her going to a bachelorette party with a couple of strippers. I mean, If it's a party or a social thing. Then there's nothing wrong in my eyes.

If he cheated on you emotionally or physically in the straightest sense of the word --outside a strip club-- and didn't tell you it's because he doesn't want to hurt you. Why hurt someone unneccesarily? Doesn't mean he doesn't love you and doesn't mean he doesn't regret it either. Yes it's wrong, VERY wrong. And not justifiable in any way. Cheating is cheating. But stripclubs and games are not as long as they stay harmless and in the sense of fun.

I don't thinkthe stripclub thing is bad I would go with him but how can he lie saying he never went when he did? Does he think I would be mad? And when he played strip poker it was 1 girl and 4 guys and he has ed her once before me and him were together. And I wasn't even there to make sure everything was OK.

DJ28 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:14 PM

Originally Posted by kitten420

so youall knothis story is about my relationship. my boyfriend ended up going to the strip club which i dont mind bc i wanted to go with him. but he lied to me about that and sed he never went. then i found out through a source that he had played strip poker with another female. I then of course confronted him and he sed that he is rly sorry and he loved me and that it was a mistake and he never cheated on me bc of the fact that he knew it was not worth it. now this happend about 3 months ago. and everyday i think bout it specially everytime he goes to his friend jasons. i am learning to control my jealousy and I am trying to learn to trust hima agian but its hard for me, and I just need to kno why men do these things and how can they lie about it everyday knowing they did something wrong. I kno that if I did that to him I couldnt live with it and I would have to tell him.

IDK I just want to hear someone tell me that just bc they do these things dont mean they dont care or love you. and that it was a mistake.

After this all happend Jamie hasnt left the house for like 2 months and he has proved himself but i just can't get around the fact that he was going to not tell me what happend and that he lied to me. how will i ever kno he wont do it again?

One thing you have to remember a relationship is, ALL about trust. If you can't trust them there should be no reason to be with someone all it will do is cause heartache. Honestly I think what you two need to do is sit him down and to have a honest conversation with him about trust and honesty. Once you can trust someone to the fullest your relationship with someone will be so much easier

expat2009 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:24 PM

He probably lied so you wouldn't get mad. I mean when you were a kid and you lied to your parents when you did something you thought was wrong it was for the same reason right?

The strip poker thing was just a game. Yes he should've told you about it. For some reason though he didn't maybe so you wouldn't get mad this chick was there--maybe for some other reason. The fact is neither of these is cheating. If he had done anything with her, then yes. But if this is your proof then he did nothing wrong. Maybe there's a reason he's not comfortable telling you the complete truth and thought it would be better not to tell you. This is not cheating, it's just lying.

Want him to tell you stuff? Then talk to him about it and listen to DJ28's advice.

itried · Jan 5, 2009, 11:30 PM

All men are different, so their threshold for guilt will be different as well.

First of all, going to a strip club is definitely not cheating. But the strip poker thing is definitely pushing the limit. If my girlfriend decided she was going to play strip poker with a bunch of guys I would without a doubt wonder what else she is capable of since it would erode my trust in her. In fact, I would more than likely end the relationship with her as I feel that her doing that is a slap in my face and an embarrassment. This is especially true if you live together. If this is what your man has done then you should be at least suspicious and he should be sorry for it. If he isn't then he most likely doesn't love you. A game of strip poker does not just "happen" innocently between adults. There are motives behind the players actions that would most likely lead to cheating. If he hasn't told you about it then he probably knows that it was the wrong thing to do. Why would a bunch of people who apparently don't want to get physical with each other want to see each other naked? This is just a segue into things that he shouldn't be doing.

kitten420 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:32 PM

Originally Posted by expat2009

He probably lied so you wouldn't get mad. I mean when you were a kid and you lied to your parents when you did something you thought was wrong it was for the same reason right??

The strip poker thing was just a game. Yes he should've told you about it. For some reason though he didn't maybe so you wouldn't get mad this chick was there--maybe for some other reason. The fact is neither of these is cheating. If he had done anything with her, then yes. But if this is your proof then he did nothing wrong. Maybe there's a reason he's not comfortable telling you the complete truth and thought it would be better not to tell you. This is not cheating, it's just lying.

Want him to tell you stuff? then talk to him about it and listen to DJ28's advice.

I agree. I just don't know why he would do something if he knew it was wrong. He obviously didn't want to tell me because of the fact that if he did I would get pissed off. Like what if you found out your girlfriend was playing strip poker with 4 girls and 1 guy? Would you be mad? Specially if they planned on never telling you about it? And they knew it was wrong. And they guy they were playing with she used to have sex with? I know I nedd to just trust him and I do. I just want someoen to talk to about it and know that I'm not an overly jealous b*tch.

kitten420 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:32 PM

I also wanted to know a mans perspective besides jamies and his friends.

DJ28 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:37 PM

Originally Posted by kitten420

I agree. I just dont kno why he would do something if he knew it was wrong. he obviously didnt want to tell me bc of the fact that if he did i would get pissed off. like what if you found out your gf was playing strip poker with 4 girls and 1 guy? would you be mad? specially if they planed on never telling you about it? and they knew it was wrong. and they guy they were playing with she used to have sex with? I kno i nedd to just trust him and I do. i just want someoen to talk to about it and kno that im not an overly jealous b*tch.

Haha no your not over jealous at all, like what Itried said, there are most of the time reasons for playing strip poker. I mean if you are at a strip club you pay the money and can see full nudity, so obviously there is another objective there. Me personally I would end it.

kitten420 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:39 PM

Originally Posted by itried

All men are different, so their threshold for guilt will be different as well.

First of all, going to a strip club is definitely not cheating. But the strip poker thing is definitely pushing the limit. If my girlfriend decided she was going to play strip poker with a bunch of guys I would without a doubt wonder what else she is capable of since it would erode my trust in her. In fact, I would more than likely end the relationship with her as I feel that her doing that is a slap in my face and an embarrassment. This is especially true if you live together. If this is what your man has done then you should be at least suspicious and he should be sorry for it. If he isn't then he most likely doesn't love you. A game of strip poker does not just "happen" innocently between adults. There are motives behind the players actions that would most likely lead to cheating. If he hasn't told you about it then he probably knows that it was the wrong thing to do. Why would a bunch of people who apparently don't want to get physical with each other want to see each other naked? This is just a segue into things that he shouldn't be doing.

He also told me that he was playing strip poker because his friend jason wanted a wing man so he can maybe get laid. But its like why the would he need you so he can get laid because if the chick is into you then why would she want to your friend? It makes no sense. So he said he was doing it for the team. And it was stupid and was a mistake. He said that nothing happened beyond the game though.but what I don't understand is how you can go to the strip club then come home and play strip poker with a naked chick and still do nothing?

itried · Jan 5, 2009, 11:43 PM

I really, really believe that talking to someone about trust and honesty in a relationship will get you nowhere. Sure, it will make you feel a bit better about things but you will never know the real truth, will you? If you're having the conversation, something must have happened to shake your trust a little. The only way you can trust someone is by observing their actions. Words are just a smokescreen used to disguise actions. In my opinion, and you may not want to hear this, the strip poker game has given you an insight into this guys motives.

On the other hand, if he brought it up to you after three months, then the guilt has probably been killing him. Maybe he is starting to mentally commit to you now, and needs to get this off his chest going forward? Hope that helps.