[tabbarat]

Forget the last messages I sent you... I think I was a bit drunk last night... we had drinks in burj il arab, then a friends house, then back at my house ;)

I decided not to care anymore.. really... let her do what she wants.. I mean for sure I'm not going to want a serious relationship with her after all this trouble, and anyway she is not ready for one right now!

So going to decrease/take the feelings out of this situation

But I can tell you that I still want to have sex and make out with her for sure, and see her, because we do have fun together and get along, and its nice sometimes to go to movies or dinner or drinks with a nice pretty girl that you like and really get along with

But that's as far as it goes...

Got too bored of the situation... and of thinking too much, etc...

It has come to a point where 7 months ago (before I met her), it seems like I was having more fun... just single, meeting girls, partying, getting drunk, threesomes, etc... a relationship is not supposed to be so friggin hard

So just going to take it easy and decrease my feelings and efforts... will try to keep it as a sort of friends with benefits kind of thing

By the way, friend 4u... I agreed with most of your last post... I don't know what is going on in that head of hers... she does love me and really like me and is afraid of losing me, because whenevr she feels that I'm walking away or getting bored, she comes to hug me and kiss me and tells me "i dont want to lose u..ur very important to me...u know i want to be with u, etc."... BUT, she also to her own admission doesn't want a serious relationship now... and she is afraid of getting into another one now with me... so that's why an open relationship evolved and I guess its OK for us to see other people... BASICALLY, a classic case of she wants to have her cake and eat it too... thus, the reason I'm starting to get bored

Good luck to me!

Thanks all

[talaniman]

You want your cake, and eat it too, why should she be any different. Don't be mad at her, as her terms were very clear in the beginning, and you went along with EVERYTHING.

Sex will complicate things. It already has. Think with the other head.

BUT, she also to her own admission doesn't want a serious relationship now

Neither are you.

[tabbarat]

Initially I wanted a serious relationship... I swear to it... the way I felt for her was the same if not more than the way I felt for my ex of almost 5 yrs! I saw a future..

But then all this crap started evolving about her ex of 10yrs getting back in the pic... she doesn't want anything serious... an open relationship... we can see other people, etc.. bla bla bla...

It became apparent to me that IM the only one that wants a serious relationship with her!

I kept on denying and lying to myself... and telling myself, who cares, her ex is all the way back in ukraine, and we are having fun here and now having sex , etc.

But when I finally learned that an open relationship means that we can REALLY see other people, and not only just give each other space with our friends sometimes, it was like a wake up call!

STOP BEING THE ONLY ONE THAT WANTS MORE OUT OF THIS THAN THERE REALLY IS

She wants me AND to be single/see other people...

So since it seems she wants her cake and eat it too... im going to put less effort and take emotions out of it...

I still want to be with her as well, so I guess we will have to keep it as friends with benefits

All I'm saying is that I invested too many feelings and hopes into this from day 1.. but as FRIEND4U says, it seems now I'm hitting a brick wall

So I can play her game, and go back to the tabbarat of 7mnths ago... I'll try to take emotions out and keep more of a friendship/sex thing

She is probably having dinner with this dork now, so I'm gonan invite one of the girls I cut out a couple of months back for a date...

By the way, just as a funny note (I think we can all use a good laugh)... she showed me some of the messages this guy sent her... one of them was:

"i dont want to write ur name in the sand, bc it will wash away...i dont want to write ur name in the snow, bc it will melt away...i want to write ur name in my heart where it will stay forever!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH

What a douche... but to be fair, for her to see him and talk to him, means that she does like him on some level... and that's what pissed me off, not him as a person...

I don't usually get jealous of other guys (im very cocky and confident), but I do get jealous of the actions surrounding other guys and the girl I'm with

Anyway, we'll see how it goes... the fact that I know she is seeing him tonight and I'm fine with it and instead wondering which girls I want to get back in my life (that I cut out over the past 7mnths), is a good step

[liz28]

Tab, it seems that whenever your drunk you come and post that your bored with this situation but then you sober up and take back what you post.

So now your are no longer in an open relationship but friends with benefits, your words. So that means you can't get mad when she dates/likes someone else and neither can she.

You also stated that whenever you want to leave she hugs or kisses you and tell you how she don't want to lose you, etc but don't want to commit. Yeah, that's a great reason to stay.

No matter what you say you can't continue to be around her and try to decrease your feelings for her. While those feelings are there for her it will only stop you from getting feelings for someone else or from developing into something and then your be in the same boat as her.

This situation is only leaving you conflicted and while you think your have it under control you don't. I think you've more common sense when your drunk and when your drunk that's your subconscious talking, listen to it.

[liz28]

I don't find this funny at all, I actually like it and is going use it for my next Valentine card for my fiancé.

I don't want to write your name in the sand, because it will wash away... I don't want to write your name in the snow, because it will melt away... I want to write your name in my heart where it will stay forever!

[talaniman]

A better step would be to be honest with yourself, about your feelings, and be honest with others.

When we are all over the place as you are, and just wanting what we think we want, you get in all kinds of situations, exactly like yours, with the same results. CONFUSION, and DRAMA, and we can't deal with either.

Leave all the girls alone, and give the emotional dust time to settle, and then see facts, and not just feelings.

Hey look we have been telling you this for the longest, let some of it sink in.

Sometimes the best action, is NO action. Then the brain can work!

[tabbarat]

Real estate has hit it hard in dubai! Prices down 40%, not a lot of people buying, and real estate companies are cutting jobs

Her department has a meeting tmrw and is going to let some people go!

She called me today to tell me that... she is worried and wanted to tell me... and she is afraid that if she gets fired then what will happen with her work visa, etc. etc.

I of course stayed with her on the phone, telling her not to worry, I'm sure it will be OK, your a great worker and any company would be lucky to have u, etc.

We then changed the subject, laughed a bit, and then told her I was getting ready to go out to see this girl.. she got a bit bothered, but that was it.

I asked her if she saw the fool today, and she said that he picked her up from work and dropped her home... she isn't going to see him tonight because she is feeling a bit worried and depressed

She also told me that me and her family are the only ones she talked about this to... it was nice to hear

Then I told her I had to go...

I hope I don't have to go through the same thing all over again, with the firing, and the stress, and bla bla bla!! God Damn! There just isn't any luck!

I hope it doesn't come to that.. maybe she is just overreacting... we'll see what happens and then deal with it

[friend4u178]

Tab
Lets go back 54 pages and start again... LOL

[tabbarat]

Hahahah.. I'll still be waiting for your advice ;)

[Mom of 2]

Honest to Pete, man!! Why do you continue to do the same things over and over? You admitted that you can't do this anymore, yet you go back and do the same things over and over again. It is VERY clear now that she is only using you for a comfort zone. If I were you, I would stop taking her phone calls, stop going out with her, stop doing EVERYTHING that you have been doing with her. As Talaniman said, sex only complicates things. You will never be able to move forward if you continue this. It WILL be hard at first, but you have to cut all ties with this girl. The longer you wait to do this, the longer it will take for you to heal. The way that I see it, there is no hope that you will ever have a relationship with this girl. I think most people on this thread would agree with me.

Stop going back on what you say you are going to do. I really hope for the best for you, I really do. But your best will not come if you continue to ride this roller coaster ride. It is unhealthy on so many levels. You can't just tell yourself to stop caring, it is not that easy. Stop kidding yourself and face reality. Sh*t or get off the pot already!!

[talaniman]

Now she is worried about her work visa! Doesn't she know her boss is her lovers brother? What could she be worried about? Surely he can keep her job, or at least support her while she finds another one. Or even this new guy..?

[liz28]

How is that book coming?

I thought you said by her having sex with you will show that she is over her ex? I guess that was untrue but now there is someone else added to the mix. I wonder what she tells him?

Huh, I guess the ex isn't a big problem anymore.

Watch you going met a girl that you like but this girl is going be the problem and then it's going be you saying "I like you but I am still in love with my ex".

[tabbarat]

1) mom, its not so easy... call it comfort zone, call it caring about each other... we really have become like best friends... forget the feelings and all that, before anything we really have developed this sort of thing as if we're best friends.. I mean we see each other almost everyday for 7 mnths, talk on phone, go to gym together, sometimes get each other from work and then eat, talk for hours, know each other, get along, etc.. and finally we slept together (smthg that wasn't easy for her to do)so there is that bond that is not easy to throw away... I agree with her when she says "i dont want to lose u" because I don't either

BUT, I FINALLY agree with you all when I say that there is no serious relationship coming from this girl, and that I should invest less feelings and effort in her and our "relationship" and that I should do my own thing... I finally realized that... arent you guys happy? :)

Look, I'm not going to get married anytime soon, not interested... so its not like I'm worried about wasting time, and maybe mrs. tabbarat is out there now, etc...

I decided to put less effort and feelings with her, and realize she is not someone I want to be serious with

What I do still want with her is our "best friendship", companionship, and of course sex (not only because it is good, but because we still share those nice attraction feelings and butterflies when we see each other)

So one step at a time... but at least I realize there is no hope for a relationship or future with her.. so no more false hope

2) about work, well my bro was her manager when she was working in sales... she was given a warning and told to pick up her sales... that didn't happen, so instead of being fired, my bro pulled some strings and had her moved to marketing/stands

She has a different manager now... some bulgarian ho that looks like a man

3) yes, I think she had sex because she finally is over her ex... she told me the other day that she doesn't think about him anymore... maybe its true, maybe its not... but the fact remains that she did eventually take the step and cut the umbilical cord to the past and have sex with me

And the fact remains that she only sleeps with people she really cares about or loves, so for whatever reason she did it, it means smthg

She is not with me in a relationship (committed one) because she doesn't want one now... she wants to be a bit single/free after her relationship of 10yrs... she wants some time alone... BUT also doesn't want to lose me

About what she tells this new guy? I don't know, and I really don't care... the truth... what I care about is that she told me about him. And even showed me some of his messages, etc... if there was smthg to hide, she wouldn't have done that

The point: she doesn't want a serious relationship now, she wants to be free, but I will always be the guy that she comes back to or falls to or turns to... or also a friend with benefits ;)... what I have to do, is be that also... live my life, but for now, still share that bond with her... not ready to cut it yet... my mistake was going into an open relationship with the feelings and hopes of having a committed one... now I realize I was wrong, and learned to have less emotions and hopes with her

[tabbarat]

I'm not saying its healthy... I agree with u, mom... but you don't always have to end things like ripping a band-aid... sometimes time heals all wounds and things work themeselves out

[asking]

Confusing. You think you can have less feeling for each other while still sleeping with her? That will be quite a trick, at least for the first few months.

And are there going to be tamales and tacos too?

[Mom of 2]

Don't say that we never warned you about doing it your way with this girl. Sometimes it is easier to cut all ties in one fell swoop than it is to continue to have sex with her, do things with her, and then try to have less feelings for her. THAT is not as simple as you think. I think that in the back of your mind, you are still hoping for a relationship with her. You are only writing something that YOU think that WE want to hear, but that you are still focused on trying to change her mind and AGAIN TRY to prove us wrong. I never said that cutting ties with her would be easy. In fact, I mentioned that it would not be easy, especially at first. Nothing in life is easy, otherwise choices wouldn't be so difficult

And you think that you guys are best friends? Friends, let alone best friends, don't play games with each other or try to make each other jealous, which is exactly what you guys are doing. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Again, in the end, you will do what you want to do. I'm sure that we will all still be around (for a little while longer anyway) to hear the same thing over and over again.

[Matteus]

Tabbarat, I didn't wrote since long time ago, but that doesn't mean I didn't read everything what has been said in here. For every word you say, all these bullsh!t of "i can handle it with less feelings" (that's contradictory, cause you already admitted you felt angry when she told you she had sex with someone else), "the hot tamales", "the open relationship (????)", every action you took, take and are going to take as long as you don't begin to act like an adult, I have only two words to you:

Teenager's enthusiasm.

You already hit up the wall with your own head, but still don't feel that pain, cause as long as pit is still heat, the pain comes slowly.

[wikedjuggalo]

Can I say I told you so yet? :D

[hjpan]

tabbarat, i didn't wrote since long time ago, but that doesn't mean i didn't read everything what has been said in here. For every word you say, all these bullsh!t of "i can handle it with less feelings" (that's contradictory, cause you already admitted you felt angry when she told you she had sex with someone else), "the hot tamales", "the open relationship (????)", every action you took, take and are going to take as long as you don't begin to act like an adult, i have only two words to you:

teenager's enthusiasm.

you already hit up the wall with your own head, but still don't feel that pain, cause as long as pit is still heat, the pain comes slowly.

Word.

[tabbarat]

1) of course there is going to be tamales and tacos.. what? So she is the only one that can go on dates and get feelings for other guys? I'm going to go out, and meet girls, and live my life... but just like she doesn't want to lose me, I don't want to lose her

2) today she called and wanted to have lunch with me, we had lunch, then we kissed, then I dropped her home... she asked me what I was going to do, I told her I was going to a pub with some friends.. she asked if she knows them, I said no.. she got bothered... I asked her what she was going to do, she said dinner with the dude... I said OK, have fun...

3) NEWSFLASH: this new guy bought her a $10, 000 Piaget watch, and asked her to marry him?! she turned him down of course...what a weirdo?!! a proposal after about a month of phone convo and 4 dates?! hahah

It was nice of her to tell me... but she did go to dinner with him tonight... so, interesting...

Really, I'm not very bothered... in fact, kind of careless... when I saw her wearing the watch today, it was another wake up call

Guys guys! I finally agree with you that I need to remove emotions and effort from this relationship and she wants to have her cake and eat it too! Be happy...

4) really what I'm concentrating on next is when we are going to have sex the next time, and when this idiot leaves in 2 days

U know, a friend of mine today was in the same situation a while back... he and this girl started really liking and caring about each other and dated and got close, but then he had to leave the country for work... they each eventually led different lives and met other people, but they would talk on the phone from time to time.. and every time he would go back home, he would have sex with her, go for dinners, drinks, etc... he told me that they have a bond that will always be there, but they both know they can't be together

So his advice: try to not get too attached.. live your life as she does hers... but you both know that when you are together, you should enjoy it and you will always feel smthg for each other

He said that I had been waiting for 7 mnths for her to finally have sex with me... now that I got it, I just want to quit? Then what was all the wait for?

I agree... try to decrease feelings, but no reason to cut out someone very close to me just yet... anyway, she told me again today, "ur in my heart, u always will be"... how sweet...

Anyway, take care and goodnight