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    High Max's Avatar
    High Max Posts: 271, Reputation: 43
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    #1

    Aug 31, 2008, 04:19 AM
    Follow up to the crazy idea I had
    Well, the results weren't what I had hoped for. I used my moms phone to text her and let her know, and she only asked if I was OK and to stay strong. I tried to guilt her saying that "he wants the plug pulled because he has nothing", or "he said he can't die with you hating him". She only replied to that saying to tell me she doesn't hate me. I told her I'd update her if anything else happens. A whole day passed, she didn't even ask how I was doing.

    I guess that's my answer. I thought this would be way more powerful, but I was wrong. It's hard to believe you can supposedly love someone with all your heart, but be moved on with someone else so fast that your former love interest's health means diddly squat.
    Kevin_s's Avatar
    Kevin_s Posts: 213, Reputation: 51
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    #2

    Aug 31, 2008, 04:39 AM
    So, let me get this straight.

    You posted about this crazy idea, (asking for our opinions and advice). Had multiple pages of people (including myself) saying that it won't work, just cool off, yada-yada-yada. But you still do it?

    I'm not trying to bash you man, just saying that the people here know what they are talking about.

    You can't use trickery into making her miss you or want you.

    But there is a good way that gives you a chance. I am going to be writing up a thread that is somewhat of a tutorial/advice that will give people some hope. But come on, take a few steps back, use your head to think rationally, not your heart. We've all done stupid things to try to get back with our ex's because we miss them so much.

    Don't talk to her for a month, the silence may suck because she may or may not try to talk to you. Even if she does, don't respond.. you need this time to think rationally.

    When you can really take some time to think about everything as a whole, ask yourself these questions.

    "What was good in the relationship?"
    "What was bad (what didn't I like) in the relationship?"
    "What went wrong in the relationship?"
    "Is this something that's really worth fighting for, even if I do get back with her, will the same thing just come up once again?"
    "Am I thinking about myself first (individual happiness), or using this girl as a scapegoat to determine my own happiness?"

    You can't possibly win somebody back if you're not completely happy with yourself. If you're being desperate and trying to plead your way back into somebody's heart... it won't work.

    Women want someone that they can admire, someone that is happy with or without them. Nobody wants someone that is dependent on them to be happy.

    None of us here want each other in pain, we all wish that these people COULD have the relationships of their dreams. The problem is that you can't control what somebody else does, you can only control how you choose to behave based on those changes in your life.

    Keep your head up, and don't try to TRICK this girl into your heart, or else you're just going to end up being burned in the end.
    Ithappenstoall's Avatar
    Ithappenstoall Posts: 363, Reputation: 37
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    #3

    Aug 31, 2008, 05:23 AM
    What did you expect to come out of it... from your other post where we all said it would not change anything you didn't listen. I guess you have you answer now. Everyone learns somehow I guess but please do not try anything else now.
    High Max's Avatar
    High Max Posts: 271, Reputation: 43
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    #4

    Aug 31, 2008, 05:44 AM
    I feel like this was a big waste of time, sorry I didn't listen before. At least now I have more peace of mind -- I tried everything I could to get her back, and it didn't work. Now I can rest easier knowing that there is absolutely nothing that can be done. Maybe one day when the dust settles, but I doubt it.
    Ithappenstoall's Avatar
    Ithappenstoall Posts: 363, Reputation: 37
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    #5

    Aug 31, 2008, 05:52 AM
    Emotions make us act very strangly and irrationaly sometimes, some people to more extremes than others. It is good you are realizing this. Better now than never.
    But in the futur when people give you advice try and listen, especially if all of the advice given is saying the same thing :)
    BetrayalBtCamp's Avatar
    BetrayalBtCamp Posts: 307, Reputation: 63
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    #6

    Aug 31, 2008, 06:34 AM
    I tried everything I could to get her back, and it didn't work.
    No, you tried only what you wanted to do in a deceptive way that everyone tried to tell you wouldn't work. There are lots more more constructive ways to win someone's heart & especially when you have a bad track record with them. Again, a lot of people go through a horrible period after a break up with all sorts of crazy thoughts but acting on them is not a good idea & causes even more harm to ourselves or the ex.

    Desperation is not an aprodesiac nor an attractive trait in a person.

    Right now you have the opportunity to make the needed efforts to become better partnership material. That would increase your odds of having a good relationship in your life with her if she does ever come back or someone new. That includes being honest with yourself about yourself, with professional help. Many people also need to take anti-med's at least for a short time to get their thinking back on a good track & put brakes on downward spiral. It's a horrible time to get through but there are a lot of good ways to do that.

    It also includes dissecting this "love" you say you feel for your ex. You know, the one that caused you to treat her so badly when she was with you. The one that writes a past about how you can't attract women as good looking as her so you want her back instead of mentioning the qualities other than appearance that made her an ideal partner. The one that still lets you think that treating her badly by tricking her is a good thing.

    Please put that incredible energy & willingness to do "everything" to win her back to better things than researching how to deceive her with a fake a head injury into learning what great relationships consist of. If you do get a second chance with her, you want to really be prepared to make the relationship work & keep it that way so you won't go through this again if it can be helped.

    It sounds like you didn't get to experience real love with her as much as loving how she made you look being with you because of her appearance. Obsession isn't love. Some professional help would help you sort out what your actual feelings for her & your relationship with her vs. the fears / insecurities that drove this despeserate plan of you. There is a lot that could be at work that is misleading you into thinking that all those feelings you have are a result of losing love & how special to you she really is as a person not just a decoration on your arm. Some is, but not all.

    Any time a loss is suffered it makes us vulnerable to opening the wounds of our past losses, increasing fears & lots of anger in our lives again & the pain is accumulative until worked through. So while you may feel that your suffering is solely based on the strength of your feelings for her & the loss of your "perfect partner", it has a lot more mixed in there than just that. Maybe even the anger that someone else will win her heart, because you don't like to lose, period. Or as you mentioned that you aren't happy with the looks of the women who will go out with you so that's making you want to cling to your ex that much more.

    Until you learn how to deal with your feelings constructively, this entire process is going to be a lot tougher on you than it has to be.
    Mr-Blank's Avatar
    Mr-Blank Posts: 45, Reputation: 7
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    #7

    Aug 31, 2008, 06:43 AM
    Bad move man.

    Now you have to think up some elaborate story to tell her when you run in to her at the mall in a few days and you don't have any scars or anything to show for your life threatening head injury.

    You've created more trouble for yourself. You've only made your situation worse than it was.
    Ithappenstoall's Avatar
    Ithappenstoall Posts: 363, Reputation: 37
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    #8

    Aug 31, 2008, 06:47 AM
    A very good point
    Just past the 100 posts can I get a Hurrah!!
    High Max's Avatar
    High Max Posts: 271, Reputation: 43
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    #9

    Aug 31, 2008, 07:01 AM
    She moved four hours away from me to be back with her family and friends, she won't be coming to see me so it doesn't matter.
    Kevin_s's Avatar
    Kevin_s Posts: 213, Reputation: 51
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    #10

    Aug 31, 2008, 08:35 AM
    You may think that there is no one more attractive than this women... but have you gone outside recently? Even when I was WITH my ex girlfriend, she and I would check out some FINNNEEEEEE girls. (And no the ex isn't bisexual, but let's be honest... women are 100000x more attractive than men lol)

    Instead of focusing on what looks good on your arm, try finding someone that is good for your heart, good for your mind, and happy.

    The essence and persona you give off is the same kind of people you will end up attracting.

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