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talaniman · Jul 24, 2015, 04:57 AM

What else should I be doing? Should I call her and ask if we can talk?

Beats texting if you consider a talk face to face important.

HandxStands · Jul 24, 2015, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Beats texting if you consider a talk face to face important.

She ended up getting back to me right after I posted the update, of course lol. So I am going to be casual and patient about things and see where it leads

talaniman · Jul 24, 2015, 10:28 AM

That's the ticket. There is no rush to give your heart away, smitten though you may be, because she hasn't really proven she knows what to do with it anyway. I think you have to agree she may have trouble managing her own heart at the moment, so yes, be casual and patient, but stay alert my friend.

I mean if this dating experience is no fun, then likely it won't be fun in the future either. I highly suggest you drop the relationship expectations, and just focus on the keeping the dating experience real for now. Are you having fun, or having mixed up confusing drama?

HandxStands · Jul 25, 2015, 08:35 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

That's the ticket. There is no rush to give your heart away, smitten though you may be, because she hasn't really proven she knows what to do with it anyway. I think you have to agree she may have trouble managing her own heart at the moment, so yes, be casual and patient, but stay alert my friend.

I mean if this dating experience is no fun, then likely it won't be fun in the future either. I highly suggest you drop the relationship expectations, and just focus on the keeping the dating experience real for now. Are you having fun, or having mixed up confusing drama?

Right now it is mixed up confusing drama and she really isn't reaching out to me at all, so I think I have my answer.

talaniman · Jul 25, 2015, 11:57 AM

I wouldn't give up the things you enjoy for her for sure, or any other option or opportunities to explore and experiment in your world of friends, family, and activities you enjoy.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Short, fat, skinny and tall! 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy!

Life is to short to be stuck on drama and confusion, or games of the heart and mind.

HandxStands · Jul 25, 2015, 12:08 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I wouldn't give up the things you enjoy for her for sure, or any other option or opportunities to explore and experiment in your world of friends, family, and activities you enjoy.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Short, fat, skinny and tall! 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy!

Life is to short to be stuck on drama and confusion, or games of the heart and mind.

Yea, I am at the point now of frustration with the situation. I think all I need is closure so I can move on, so I called her left a voicemail asking if we could talk. Other than that, I think I need to move on, she is reciprocating things close to 0%.

talaniman · Jul 25, 2015, 12:48 PM

Talaniman Rule - NEVER depend on others to give you closure...NEVER!!

Accepting that it ain't gonna work IS closure.

Wondergirl · Jul 25, 2015, 01:16 PM

Originally Posted by HandxStands

Yea, I am at the point now of frustration with the situation. I think all I need is closure so I can move on, so I called her left a voicemail asking if we could talk. Other than that, I think I need to move on, she is reciprocating things close to 0%.

Her being willing to talk with you is NOT closure. You will spin it as, "Oh, she's still interested enough to talk about us, so it's not over yet." The best thing now is No Contact. That's closure. The End. Finis.

HandxStands · Jul 25, 2015, 06:00 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Her being willing to talk with you is NOT closure. You will spin it as, "Oh, she's still interested enough to talk about us, so it's not over yet." The best thing now is No Contact. That's closure. The End. Finis.

Well I finally asked her if she wanted to work on things and take it slow or if I should move on (I know myself and I couldn't be sitting in limbo with things, it was too stressful) She said she did not want to work things and that she was never sure about me or us, which all dates back to the beginning of the summer with my original post. She also said she felt she couldn't be honest with me.I am thinking her time over in Europe really helped her make this decision easier. So, I am of course heartbroken and feel like somebody stabbed me right in the back. I kept things cordial and said maybe we could be friends one day. So, that is it.

talaniman · Jul 25, 2015, 07:30 PM

Yeah, that's it, and I know it sucks, but when one adventure ends, another can begin.. in due time. You can finally walk away clean, and don't look back.

I predict that someday you will be grateful to her for dumping you so you can find better.

Good luck!

HandxStands · Jul 30, 2015, 11:02 AM

So one last update, she actually did reach out to me a few days later calling me out of the blue just to say hello. I was surprised, to say the least. I didn't think too much into it and then she text me the next day saying, "I love you and I am sorry." I was confused and a little annoyed at the same time because she has been back and forth and back and forth. So, later that day we jumped on the phone talked for about 45 minutes and I confronted her about how I felt and how I felt hurt by how she handled everything. She apologized and said I did not deserve that. She admitted again that she is trying to figure herself out, which I respect 100%. She also wanted to hang out and see how things go with us, but she is still unsure of what she wants. So, I kept things casual and agreed to getting together. Then, I took a long hard look at myself and put myself into her shoes and realized that I have been somewhat overbearing with my expectations and I am always talking about the relationship and every talk has to be serious. I realized that would push anyone anyway. We have been dating for only 5 months, no body wants to have serious talks all the time. I decided I think I still have much to learn from this girl. I need to take things slower, not have as many expectations, and try my best to not be overbearing with questions like, "When are we hanging out?", "When can I see you?", etc. I want things to be light with us and i want to have fun together and not stress. I am willing to give her the space she needs while I do my own thing and like someone mentioned earlier, I am just going to wing it! What else can I do? She is a good, genuine person and I am excited to see what happens next.

Oliver2011 · Jul 30, 2015, 11:21 AM

You like to be punished. Good luck with that.

talaniman · Jul 30, 2015, 11:27 AM

Be prepared to deal with whatever life (and her) throws at you, and enjoy it while it lasts.

HandxStands · Jul 30, 2015, 11:35 AM

Yea I feel a little crazy for considering it but I'm keeping my distance

DoulaLC · Jul 30, 2015, 11:45 AM

So, if you like her, go out now and then. Why does it have to be all or nothing?

The problem comes up if you are at a stage of wanting an exclusive relationship. If that is the case (be honest with yourself), then let her go and move on.

She has made it VERY clear that she doesn't know what she wants and certainly is not ready to be in a serious, exclusive relationship.

So now you decide... can you date her just to go out and have some fun, no strings attached, or do you want something more? Answer that and you'll know if you should continue to communicate with her or not.

talaniman · Jul 30, 2015, 12:07 PM

I hope doing your own thing includes you exploring having fun with others, INCLUDING other females.