[tvmtran]

I'm 23 years old and dated this guy whom I was in love with for a year. I broke things off with him because of communication problems. At the time, we were living in the same city so we saw each other pretty often. After the break up, he moved to another state and started a business. I visited him a few times hoping to work things out. About 3 months ago, I decide to give it another chance. During the time of the break up, I went on a few dates with several guys but none of the dates sparked an interest. I was unable to get over my boyfriend. I felt bad, so told him the truth about my dates... although they were very friendly and innocent dates. I felt like he deserved to know. Well, recently... I found the password to his e-mail address and checked his e-mails because I had a feeling that he was hiding something. I found an e-mail from a girl who sent him a link to check if he was the father of her 3 day old baby. I questioned him about the e-mail and he admitted the truth. That she was his brother-in-laws niece who lives in the same state that he resides now. This is not the first time he slept with her, he slept with her 6 years ago, then had a girlfriend, and slept with her again 3 years after (TWICE)... then slept with her 9 months ago. I loved him so much I never once thought to sleep with another person or move on. When I talked to him about working things out, I asked him if he had dated anyone else or slept with anyone, and he said NO. He LIED! Now he wants another chance to prove that it was a mistake. But I am so OBSESSED about the other girl.. I want to know what exactly happened. My mind can't stop imagining how he treated her, if they were happy. What they did in bed and why he continues to sleep with her if he claims that he had no feelings for her. He says that he loves me and that he doesn't want me to leave him, but his actions surely does not show it. Although we were not together at the time, he would call periodically and we would talk. To me, it was still cheating because during our break he kept telling me he loved me. I believed him... We've talked about marriage, I met his family and they are so kind to me. They want us to get married but I am not done with school yet. I still have another 3 years before I'm done with school. I want to be with him forever and spent the rest of my life with him, but I am not ready to get married at the moment. Although I am not his first love, he slept with 4 girls before me... that I know of... He has been my first love and my love for him is very strong. I went against my family and friends to be with him and thought that our love was unbreakable until I found out he slept with someone else. Before I found out about the e-mail, he mentioned the topic of marriage. I cried for days and nights and have not eaten for a few days. My heart is aching so much because I truly love this guy. I got back with him 3 months before I found this out. I am back with him now but am unsure if I should give it another chance or give it up, I don't feel like I trust him anymore especially when he lives in the same state at the girl and I am hundreds of miles away. He always trusted him with my life, but now I am afraid he will hurt me again. I'm afraid he lies and have secrets. I am unable to deal with lies and cheating... how will I know if he will not do it again? It would hurt to be with him, but it would also hurt to be without him. If I do stay, how can I help myself forget what happened, how can I make things better for myself? It's eating me inside, what do I do? Do I leave and pray that I can move on, or do I hang in there and hope to work things out? Please help... I'm desperate!!

[shade]

I may not be the greatest to answer this, but If you broke up with him, then your broken up. That means he's able to date and sleep with anyone he wants. You can't hold that against him. You went on a few dates yourself. What if one of those sparkled your interest? You would be in the same boat. Your going to say that you told him, but you hacked into his email address. That's not right. That was dishonest. He lied by omition as well. The question is do you think its OK for a guy, who was in a relastionship, but not any more to date or sleep with someone.

I personally would be hurt. I also couldn't hold it against them. He probably found someone to have sex with. At this point your not even together again, so IF you end up back together, then you can discuss that. At this point, it just seems your jelous andhurt, which is understandable. However it doesn't seem he cheated on you.

[valinors_sorrow]

Its not cheating. Learn to be more accurate in how you see things and ethical in your actions -- both will go a long way in helping you to sort things out. Good luck.

[kaitou]

All I can say is, if you want to be with him, then trust him. And honestly you guys weren't together when he slept with someone. Technically that's not cheating. However, if you think you can't trust him, then I suggest you move on and find someone else. A relationship that lacks trust wouldn't last, it wouldn't be healthy.

It's really up to you to decide, no one can help you with that.

[talaniman]

I agree you where not together, and he did what any single guy would do. Talk next time there is a problem because if you let him go again he will do what a single guy does. Work out you problems or move on. Back and forth is not healthy.