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Silvermist · Dec 28, 2016, 02:44 AM

I want to break up with my boyfriend he scares me when he's angry and just generally make me feel very low. The only problem is he threatened to do things if I ever leave him. It's a bit hard to explain but I'm not worried if he hurts me but he has things that are mine and knows things that will ruin what little relationship I have with my family. I don't know how to end it with him without making him angry. Any suggestions please I really don't know what to do

joypulv · Dec 28, 2016, 08:04 AM

The burden isn't on you to explain ANYTHING. Get your things away from him, go to your family, protect yourself with their help, and text one sentence that it's over and any attempt to contact you will result in a restraining order from the police.
Change all your social accounts and phones and other contacts. Warn friends.

You allowed him to get you to turn yourself a victim by his threats. Free your thinking.

You do remember that a mere 52 days ago you were terrified that he would never contact you again after a fight?
You are not old enough and you are NOT MATURE ENOUGH yet for a relationship.

I seem to recall that he lives next door? That's the big problem.

smoothy · Dec 28, 2016, 12:53 PM

Good grief...

Easiest way to do this is just tell him you aren't feeling it anymore... leave it at that as Joypulv mentioned... this really is a monster of your own creation.

At only 52 days he shouldn't know anything yet that's that personal or have stuff of yours to use against you. Sometimes you just have to own up to your own mistakes.. because actions have consequences, now if he does actually threaten you (and you don't just believe he might) then there are things that can be done as was also mentioned.

I also agree.. having read the older threads previously... I wasn't surprised this happened. Because nothing that has to be forced , has excessive drama, ever works out in the end. When its right..there is no drama, nothing is an effort, everything just fits together perfectly and smoothly.

If you have to pound a square peg into a round hole...you should take that as a BIG red flag to move along...its NOT meant to be.

Silvermist · Dec 28, 2016, 06:32 PM

I realise now I'm not ready for a relationship or mature enough for one. Ive done a lot of thinking and know I started dating him for the wrong reasons, I cant change what I've done and I don't want to be with him any more. The problem is I let him take some photos of me that I'm not proud of I had some clothes on not much and he's threatened to post them online if I break up with him. I'm basically screwed I don't care so much about what people think of me but how my mum will react.

Alty · Dec 28, 2016, 10:05 PM

I forget how old you are. If you're a minor and he posts sexual pictures of you online, he can go to jail, and you can sue him. You might want to mention that to him when you break it off.

talaniman · Dec 29, 2016, 06:28 AM

You have just learned your first lesson in relationships, that when they end they can be both messy and humiliating. End this one anyway, even if you have to have friends, and family help, support... AND... protect you through it. That's better than being blackmailed by this bully isn't it?

joypulv · Dec 29, 2016, 06:59 AM

Tell your mother. Tell her you have learned a big lesson. Tell her you need her HELP. Tell her about the pictures.

Silvermist · Dec 29, 2016, 04:39 PM

Thanks for the advice, I haven't broken up with him yet not sure if I should tell my mum or just take the chance he won't do anything with the photos. I just need to ask if it was your daughter would it be better if she told you first? Im unsure if he would do anything with the photos but I know he's already shown a few of his friends from the comment they have said to me. I think I should just run away

talaniman · Dec 30, 2016, 08:36 AM

What kind of relationship do you have with your mom? Sure she may be mad at your behavior but no doubt she will love (It may be TOUGH love however, and that may mean being grounded or some other form of punishment!) and support you no matter how disappointed she is right? Running away won't save you from that and just delays the inevitable and makes it worse.

I am sure you rather have her on YOUR side in whatever this boy decides to do about being dumped anyway. Dump him, and talk honestly to your mom. Let her help you get out of this pickle your bad judgement got you into.

How old are you both again?

Silvermist · Dec 30, 2016, 04:16 PM

Were both 15 , I haven't spent a lot of time with my mum growing up she worked a lot in the evenings and dad during the day. Now dads gone I've been trying to talk to her more were getting there. I broke up with my boyfriend he wasn't happy, not that I thought he would be, he did threaten to send photo to everyone at school unless I go out to new years party with him to night so I agreed at lest I don't have to tell my mum this way and I was going to go to party anyway. Thanks for all advice I'm so stupid maybe one day I'll get things right

Alty · Dec 31, 2016, 02:31 PM

If it were my daughter or my son, I'd want them to tell me. I would be mad, because they're both smart enough to know better than to send sexual pictures to anyone (and I know I'll never have to have this conversation with them because I already have, and they know how bad a decision that is). But once I got over my anger, and gave them the lecture they obviously need to hear (which they've heard already), I'd help them any way I can, and that would start with me calling this boys mother and letting her know what her son is threatening, and what he's doing with the pictures you sent. I would demand that she sit her son down, take away his phone, remove the pictures, and make sure he knows that if they end up anywhere online, or are even shown to anyone, I will get the police involved. I'd also make sure she knew about the threats he was making, and that I don't take those threats lightly, so she had better reign him in, or I will.

You said that you want to get things right, that you want to stop making stupid decisions. Then you say you want to run away. If you really want to make better decisions, start by thinking before you act. Think what running away would do. Is that a good idea? Is that a good decision? What will you accomplish if you do that?

As for the party. That's another bad decision. Talk to your mom!

You're not stupid, you're just making a lot of stupid decisions. Time to smarten up about what you're doing before you make a decision that will have a huge impact on your life, one you can't run away from. You have a brain, use it. You're not a bad kid, you're just doing bad things. Stop it! It really is that easy.

From now on before you do anything, think what we would say about it. If you can't or won't talk to your mom, come here and talk to us. Most of us are parents, and all of us have been teenagers. If you're unsure if it's a good decision, ask us, we'll tell you the truth, you know that.

Stay home tonight. Talk to your mom. Once you tell your mom, this boy will no longer have any ammunition to get you to do what he wants. Once mom knows, all his power goes away. And if mom doesn't do anything about it, then you do. Tell him that if he doesn't delete those pictures, or if you find out he showed anyone, you'll call the cops. He could be charged with distributing child pornography. Does he really want to end up in jail? I doubt it.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 31, 2016, 05:32 PM

You need to, just stop talking to him and break up. No rules to break up, most just stop contacting the other. And the other figures it out, when you don't reply to calls, don't answer messages and so on.

Yep, some men (or boys) uses threats to control people, you just have to go on, and let what happens, happen, normally threats are just that threats.

I have found, being honest and telling family what is happening, solves and ends threat results