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caliente65 · Sep 12, 2011, 04:19 PM

After six months of seeing each other and telling each other we love the other; we broke up over too much fighting. After two weeks of soul searching, I feel I need to apologize for my role. Is it too soon?

talaniman · Sep 12, 2011, 04:47 PM

If you both had roles in the fighting, why apologize at all??

vanheart · Sep 12, 2011, 04:53 PM

I wouldn't. Its too late for apologies.

Ex, remember. Ex. As in no longer.

Send one to yourself instead.
Write about how you have more self-respect then that & don't need to apologize. How you are over him.

"we broke up over too much fighting"

6 months & too much fighting. Doesn't sound good to me. That should be the blissful time.

Wondergirl · Sep 12, 2011, 04:58 PM

Don't write an apology letter and send it. Nothing is to be gained. Instead, learn from this relationship for the next one.

JoeCanada76 · Sep 12, 2011, 05:17 PM

It really is too late for an apology. Why would you want to apologize in the hopes of getting her back maybe? That is really not a good idea at all.

As what everybody else is saying do not write the letter to your ex, if you did do that anyway you will be causing yourself more grief and her more grief.

It will seem like your trying to hold on to something you can not have and that is done and over with.

So do not apologize and leave it alone and truly try to move on and learn from this experience for your next relationship.

kcomissiong · Sep 13, 2011, 07:17 AM

If you need to write is as a cathartic (sp? ) exercise, feel free. Read it to yourself, and own the things that you did wrong in your relationship, and make sure that you learn from them so you don't make the same mistakes. Make sure you include the things that you could not change, and the things that you will never accept in a relationship again. Write it, read it, make peace with it, and get rid of it. It isn't fair to your ex to unload your baggage on them, so you can feel better about it.

caliente65 · Sep 19, 2011, 01:14 PM

Noted... and very much appreciated... what the hell does this mean: "Morning =), I know I'm the last person you want to hear from right now, I just wanted to see if you were ok"

No contact; three weeks have passed... then this morning I receive the text... I've not responded...

Wondergirl · Sep 19, 2011, 01:35 PM

Originally Posted by caliente65

noted...and very much appreciated...what the hell does this mean: "Morning =), I know I'm the last person you want to hear from right now, I just wanted to see if you were ok"

no contact; three weeks have passed...then this morning I receive the text...I've not responded...

Good. Don't respond.

Did she apologize?

caliente65 · Sep 19, 2011, 01:52 PM

"He" apologized a week after the breakup... I don't understand the text... the reason for the break was due to fighting over minor things... he wanted the breakup to "fix things in him"... I agreed... now the text... I feel like a yoyo...

Wondergirl · Sep 19, 2011, 01:58 PM

Sorry about my gender confusion. I even went back over the thread to try to figure out which one you are. Caliente is genderless.

Well, do you think the relationship can be saved? Is it worth trying to save? If you responded and set up boundaries for the future, would that work?

caliente65 · Sep 19, 2011, 02:18 PM

No need to apologize; I noticed in an earlier thread and didn't correct the gender... I always assume women and men approach breakups/relationships the same and am learning we don't...

Do I think the relationship can be saved? I feel it can, but logically, you need two people focused on the common goal...
Is it worth trying to save? I feel it is; again, you need two people, with the same goal...

We both say we love each other... we have a lot of commonalities... he's territorial and possessive... we argue over minor things... I avoid conflict and confrontation... he doesn't... we're both stubborn... he's never been married and I've been single since 2000... I was doing "good" until the text... I accepted the break up and was working through the "mourning"...

Wondergirl · Sep 19, 2011, 02:30 PM

Set up conflict rules? Hey! How about going together to a few sessions with a relationship counselor, someone who will advise you how to "argue" so no one loses and both of you win, and someone who will help you set up boundaries for each other?

Would he be willing to go? Or would you rather maintain NC?

talaniman · Sep 19, 2011, 02:41 PM

So you see hope because of a text??

caliente65 · Sep 19, 2011, 02:42 PM

You and I are on the same path... I've only felt this way (broken, lost and empty) one time in my life; my aunt died (she raised me)... I'm not a believer in therapy but felt I needed to talk to someone to learn to cope with these feelings... and, why, when I've avoided arguing, would I engage in it now with someone I love?? All questions for my "life coach"... I don't know if he'd be willing to go... I've not addressed it to him or spoken to him since the fall out... I want him as part of my life, only if it's healthy for both of us... I don't know how to respond to his text... "I'm great, thank you for asking" or "I'm miserable, thank you for asking"...

Wondergirl · Sep 19, 2011, 02:46 PM

The very best thing I ever did was work with a life coach for three months. It had nothing to do with a relationship, but the effort my coach made me make and the lessons I learned were worth every tea bag in China. I went on to accomplish the goal I never thought I could. So maybe you need to sit down with your own life coach.

caliente65 · Sep 19, 2011, 02:48 PM

@talaniman, I don't see anything because of a text... which is why I asked the question... I've honored the break and not made any contact... I'm confused...

caliente65 · Sep 19, 2011, 02:51 PM

@wondergirl, thank you...

talaniman · Sep 19, 2011, 02:51 PM

Don't reply, stay NC, to allow a proper healing so you can make better decisions for yourself based on facts, and not just feelings.

When the dust settles you will know what's healthy, and what's not.

Wondergirl · Sep 19, 2011, 03:06 PM

Remember, you are caliente for life, for yourself, for sanity and happiness.

vanheart · Sep 20, 2011, 07:28 PM

"I was doing "good" until the text..."

There you go. Keep NC up. See? Just a roadblock.
Don't confuse that w/actual caring. Just a text. Routine.

To answer your original question:

Never apologize to an ex.

They're exs.= no longer. Sorry? What for? Mutual, actually. So what.

As far as his willingness for couples therapy, doesn't sound like it. Too late. Don't press it.
If by miracle, you'll know. But by that time. You will be way gone.

You don't seem to be jumping up & down either. Especially at the thought of it.
Too much work. You know that deep down. You sound tired of it already.

Be glad the monkey is off your back.

Its only 6 months. Be glad it wasn't 6 years.

Now you can start living & having fun again.
Wooo Hooo!

Some people are right forever, some just for a couple minutes.

And in-between.