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    jeniad's Avatar
    jeniad Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 23, 2013, 04:03 PM
    Should I worry?? Or could he really be the ONE?!
    I have been friends with a guy online for about a yr. He knew I was unavailable for small period and would send me text messages with small talk like a friend does. I never really gave him the time of day.

    When I was no longer involved with the person I was with, we started talking more. Before I knew it we were talking every day. We made it official to start a long distance relationship at the start of Dec. We had some small issues in the beginning with a girl he was either friends with who he tried getting involved with but was never able to pursue due to her "game playing". However, they remained friends. Until she began sending me messages that he was saying harsh things about me to her. I listened to her but also heard what he had to say. He seemed very interested in me and was scared of losing me to what he says is "her drama". We stayed together.

    For my birthday/x-mas he sent me about $150 worth of gifts. He is quite the needy guy. If I don't talk to him at all during the day he gets upset. I spend about 30% of my day in contact with him. Now its only been 2 months and he wants to plan a trip to come out to see me for a week which I'm so excited for! He says he wants to be with me forever and that he's searched so long for what we have that at some point down the road he'd like to move in with one another to see how we do and after that if all is great get engaged.

    I guess what I'm worried about which I've had problems with in the past is what if I'm being played for a fool. His actions and words have never showed me that he's not true, but still a girl can't help but still have that weighing on her mind. By the way I'm 30 and he's 37.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #2

    Jan 23, 2013, 04:15 PM
    This isn't something we can help you with. If you have a feeling that you're being played, then you either trust that feeling, or don't. That's up to you, not us.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #3

    Jan 23, 2013, 04:22 PM
    Be careful, be very careful! If I were you, I would at first keep things very ordinary and like dates to movies or dinner or take long walks. Get to know each other. I wouldn't have sex with him because, once you do that, what is left to look forward to and to keep him around? And it would be a long time before I moved in with him. You don't know him. You think you do, but you really don't. Give love time to happen.

    And please spell out words and don't text or your posts will be removed. I'll vacuum and dust your first post to help you out.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #4

    Jan 23, 2013, 04:24 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Be careful, be very careful! If I were you, I would at first keep things very ordinary and like dates to movies or dinner or take long walks. Get to know each other. I wouldn't have sex with him because, once you do that, what is left to look forward to and to keep him around? And it would be a long time before I moved in with him. You don't know him. You think you do, but you really don't. Give love time to happen.

    And please spell out words and don't text or your posts will be removed. I'll vacuum and dust your first post to help you out.
    Moving in with him is very scary, especially because the OP has a 4 year old child to consider, as per her other thread.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #5

    Jan 23, 2013, 04:30 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Alty View Post
    Moving in with him is very scary, especially because the OP has a 4 year old child to consider, as per her other thread.
    All the more reason to get to know him well before committing to anything.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #6

    Jan 23, 2013, 07:18 PM
    Beware, beware. Anyone who has to spend 30% of his day with you is someone I would be very cautious about testing out for an entire week. If he can afford all this free time (not working?) and sending you gifts, he can afford to fly out to see you for 3 days and 2 nights, and extend his ticket if it works.
    It sounds like he was working on the other woman first (nothing wrong with that), and she didn't like his friendship with you, so he badmouthed you to her, but she dumped him anyway. That's just a wild guess. Good for you for not believing what she said about anything. I could be all wrong.
    FightingBlues's Avatar
    FightingBlues Posts: 78, Reputation: 21
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    #7

    Jan 24, 2013, 09:21 AM
    Just keep your wits about you. Sometimes guys feel guilty about their interaction (whether innocent or not) with another female so they compensate by going above and beyond what is considered the norm for spending time together. He could possibly be hiding his contact with this friend that had said some disrespectful things about you because he knows telling you this would make you feel very betrayed and upset. If he says he was afraid of losing you but still kept in touch with her then his actions are not really weighing up to his words. In which case, this is a major red flag! Just be careful before you fully commit yourself to anything. They say a guy who wants things to move too quickly is one to be aware of. For now, be a careful observer and note other things you think don't add up. Write them down and go back to those thoughts to see if it's a pattern of behaviour in him. Sometimes it's not until we look back at our own logs that we soon realize how one particular problem persisted over a length of time. This may help you discern if you are with someone who is not being completely upfront with you or someone who is really head over heels. Trust your inner voice and don't waver from it if you feel there is better happiness awaiting you. Good luck!
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #8

    Jan 24, 2013, 09:32 AM
    I would run the other direction.

    "He is quite the needy guy." From what I've seen negative behaviors don't get better as time goes on. They increase. And who needs that drama?

    He wants to be with you forever? Ask him how many times he has used that line. I am guessing he won't be honest when he answers.

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