I was dating a divorced guy for 4 months, it has been over 4 years since he divorced and he was married less than a year. His ex treated him really badly and I'm the first girl he's dated since it happened.

The first 3 months we were together were fantastic for me, we had a lot of fun, he treated me well and was probably the most respectful guy I had ever been with, but I started to see that he wasn't treating himself as well as he he treated me, and there was some self destructive behavior such as drinking too much, and occasionally drink driving, and joking about how he thinks he will get cancer like his deceased father, but doesn't want to get it checked out. I started to get worried about him and I didn't actually tell him but think he realised just how much I cared about him and I think it freaked him out and things started to go a bit colder between us.

The last month things seemed OK when we were together but he was contacting me less and less, started cancelling on plans with lame excuses. I tried to get him to talk to me as I wasn't sure if it was to do with me or if there was something else going on in his life that he wasn't telling me about but he would dodge my calls instead texting me back like everything was fine between us. Eventually I'd had enough and said I needed to talk to him and he promised to come and visit me, but again he cancelled on me instead calling me a few days later in a mess saying I must hate him and that he was really sorry and that he feels bad about the way he's treating me and he just doesn't know how to be in a relationship because he's still messed up about his marriage and that he still wanted to be friends. At that point I was really hurt and didn't know what I wanted.

3 weeks later after I'd had time to reflect I sent him a message telling him I didn't hate him and that I think it was best for both of us not to be together and that we should have both should have talked sooner about how we were feeling and that I wanted to at least try to be friends.

5 days later he texted to let me know he got my message and that he still felt bad about how he treated me, that he hoped I was well and wanted to catch up.

At that point I was really sick with the flu so delayed him and said maybe next week when I'm feeling better... it has now been over a week and I haven't heard from him again, I'm not sure if he was just saying that we should catch up in reaction to my message or if he really wants to see me but is waiting to hear from me, should I message him back or leave it until I hear from him again? And if I message him what should I say?

Why not just give him a call? Texting is for immature people, sorry. Ifyou want to know what someone is thinking, call them up, don't text them and expect them to understand what you mean in a short one line text.

I agree with twinkie, grown people call or even better, go over and see him. So many maybes ?

He is not completely over the ex and was not ready for the level of relationship you seemed to be going.

Could he have started seeing his ex again

Could he have started dating someonte else

I believe this guy is not ready for a serious relationship, and I also believe that you are not over him enough to try to make a friendship out of this. Stay away, there is nothing that needs to be said, give him time to heal from his marriage and use that time to get over him. Unless he presents an offer to wanting to be with you, I would suggest not to get your hopes up. The guy is an emotional mess, stay away until he gets his head straight, as a partner or as a friend.

After ONLY 4 months, you were just two strangers enjoying getting to know each other, until life, and reality got in the way and you chose to end that adventure. For the best I think since he does have a few personal issues, as we all have, you too.

Since that's been ironed out, I wouldn't try to force a friendship, or anything else without a lot of thought, and healing time. I think a week is to soon myself, to forget what got you to this point, and just start trying to build a bridge back to each other.

I think you see how YOU feel in another few weeks, before jumping back into something, even friendship with this fellow. I doubt he has changed, or made significant changes in a week, or a month, but maybe you miss each other enough to check it out, or find better things to do.

No hurry is there?