I know this guy from 8-9 years.. He was my colleague and now only a friend. He lives and works in different country. But whenever he comes to my city.. where his parents stay.. he meets me.. We always have good time together.. He is very polite and honest kind of guy.. I have started feeling for him.. But I don't know what he feels for me.. may be I'm only a good friend to him.. he never said anything like.. he likes me or something.. he shared about his past affairs with me.. His parents are now looking for a bride for him... and he shares the details of every girl he meets for this purpose with me.. and I'm like OK.. I m somewhat feeling scared of rejection.. what if he says no.. should I wait for him to say something.. or should I tell him that I like him.. I have no idea how he will take this.. we are in touch on chats only.. and most of the time its me who initiates the chat.. but once its done.. he talks really nicely... when I ask him that he never initiates chat.. he responds like.. time zone difference.. and sometimes busy with work and other things.. but he do responds whenever I contact him... I feel butterflies in stomach when I see him :) how to take this further... I m hoping for something more than just friends with him.. and at the same time I don't want to spoil the friendship.. if he says no... may be it will leave impact on our friendship... what to do... please suggest...

He works and lives in a different country than you... and he is a friend who's friendship you don't want to spoil. Two good reasons to forget this crush and look for someone near you where you stand a better chance of having a real relationship with.

Telling him this will change the relationship you have now, you are correct ... odds are for the worse. Even if he does feel something you both don't live and work in the same country. And that WILL be a problem.

You are right that he lives in different country.. but his family.. his parents live in the country and city I'm.. and if it's a yes from his side... then he would come here to take things further.. still lot of confusion and hesitation to initiate.. i means if he feels the same..then their will be no problem..

The best way to find out how he feels is stop chasing him by being the only one who initiates the contact. Even if this has been a long term friendship it still smacks of being very one sided.

I find it odd that he doesn't suggest YOU, or his parents don't consider YOU in their choices. What's up with Mister I am to busy to call, or his parents who live in your city? Please explain this to me. Different castes or something?

Let me also ask if this "friendship" has stopped you from meeting others and considering dating for your own purpose of exploring more than just friends? Have YOUR parents been arranging meetings for you as his parents do? Do you have a life that you enjoy with friends and activities beyond the hope of romance with this fellow?

I really don't think this is a healthy friendship if you are afraid to lose it if you express yourself honestly. I find it disturbing that you have a romance all figured out except for he just ain't cooperating much is he? Maybe he just doesn't want to move home just to date you. Be nice if he did wouldn't it? What a fantasy you have built. This is what you really should pay attention too...

Obviously you have made him a priority, yet you are an option to him (ONE OF MANY IT SEEMS...and he chases or commits to none), so stop initiating contact and have fun living in your own reality for a while. Make sense?

You could always have another person talk to him about it. An not have them directly come out with it but hint at it. But 9 years is a long time and there are plenty of fish in the sea if you cant catch this one.

It is time to move on. He has not made a move to further your long distance relationship in 9 years. It does not appear that there is anything but a casual friendship going on. He "discusses the affairs he has had with other women", that should tell you that you are just a sounding board to him nothing more. Stop pining over this man and find yourself someone else.

We are not in any relationship till now.. we are friends.. I don't think his parents know about our friendship.. bt my family do know about our friendship.. like his parents.. my parents are too looking for a match for me.. I m living and enjoying my life fully.. its from past 3-4 months.. since I have started feeling differently for him.. and feel like he is the one... I m not sure about his feelings and thinking whether I should express it to him or remain silent and leave it to destiny... hope I have answered all your questions..

And in our case no caste issues or any other issues would b there... its all about.. if we both agree for this relationship.. we can get married with our families involvement... its all about knowing what he is up to.. is he willing to go beyond friendship.. should I tell him about my feelings or not..

Ask him directly if he is willing to go beyond friendship. Just do it.

Do it Girl. Then you will be able to put your fears behind you. If it is not to be, be prepared for a negative reply. If you are strong enough to ask, I am sure you are strong enough to go forward regardless... of his response. Good Luck.

Fully agree

Old saying: Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
You are articulate and can figure out a good way to ask him. Just don't let out even the tiniest bit of frustration. Maybe joke about it. "SOMETHING is making my heart flutter... it couldn't be you, could it?" Say it as you are leaving, with a big smile.

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to catonsville again". " Fully agree "

Geeze with Talaniman having 10,654 Helpful's, and I only have 65, I will not live long enough to catch him. Ha, Ha, Ha

Notice, I am listed as a Senior Member.

Thank you Anonymous, I was not soliciting. Just having a little fun.

I expressed him my feelings... to which he replied... that he had never seen me in that light.. which was expected.. he said he respect my feelings for him.. and we will be good friends as always... and that we both are very different and he nevrr thought about it... I was feeling like something is breaking inside me... but I'm really fine... I smiled and told him that we will be friends and that forget what all I said... don't know my approach or my way with words was right or wrong.. but it came all with heart.. and I'm happy that at least I shared

But I don't know.. how I going to face him again... that moment everything was paused... give in ir views... to deal with the situation

Good of you that you have expressed him your true feelings. Its about time however after 8/9 years! Now you got his answer and you must accept/trust him that he means this. No backdoor, potential opportunities, it's not going to happen and accept it. Be adamand and put him out of your mind. Stop obsessing, move on!

"I was feeling like something is breaking inside me... but I'm really fine..." Quite a contradiction and clearly you're not fine. Stop being his friend. Friendship WILL NOT WORK in your situation. He was a potential romantic interest; nothing more, nothing less. He's now an acquaintance and treat him a such. Don't care for him, show privileged interest or talk to him anymore, and move on, if you want to be happy again (including a potential new love interest in a later stage).

Believe me, I've been there and so have many others. It's not always east but this is the only solution. I fully accepted the situation I think when I found out she got married. I'm always surprised so many people always fall in a similar pattern.

Rejection sucks almost as bad as a break up. Leave him alone for a while and give your heart time to process through this.

As was said its never easy but focus on living your life to the fullest and putting this behind you one day at a time. BigNavySeal said it best, we all have gone through this at one time or another, and some of us have been rejected more than others, so you are not alone, even though it may seem like it now.

Family friend and activities usually get us through those tough time.

The only way you can heal, after the spilling of your heart and a rejection is for you to go into "NO CONTACT MODE". There is no way for you to move on, if you are going to contact him in any way including in person. You must seek out your friends and family so they can help you to get over this and you will.

The advice to stay away from ALL contact is best for YOU.
And it prevents that most horrible of situations, the one where you are the person to lean on. Let him miss you (if he does) while he explores more of the shallow relationships he seems to run through, or he accepts the bride his parents arrange for him.
He may not be able to tell you that he really cares about you enough to spare you what he might be like. He might be the kind of man who leaves the dutiful wife to care for house and children, while he continues to have affairs.
DO NOT bring this up with him! It's just one thought out of many.

Getting your view points.. but really dealing with this is somewhat difficult... I spoiled our friendship too.. bringing up my feelings.. after a full day and night when I told him this.. was feeling like.. how I going to face... till the time I didn't share with.. everything was different... I msgd him... telling him how exactly I'm feeling.. to which he replied... dontbworry... its all cool... we are friends.. and I should take it light and forget about it...

He said it so conveniently... like it didn't make any difference..

At his end.. everything is just fine... but how I going to be with him.. like I used to be earlier...