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    serenity04's Avatar
    serenity04 Posts: 14, Reputation: 3
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    #1

    Aug 19, 2010, 04:09 AM
    Should I stick at it or let go?
    Basically, I am back with my ex boyfriend after 2 years apart but still seeing each other on and off. He has changed for the better and to me he is the most wonderful man man in the world. We get on amazingly and have everything in common and I love him a great deal.

    The problem I have is that sometimes when I'm with him I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach because I am worried that I might be bored of him. That then makes me feel guilty and that in turn makes me very upset. I definitely want to be with this man, it's not that I'm scared of being alone, I genuinely want my life with him.

    I have read in many places that in long term relationships that feeling of "being in love" goes after a while, and is replaced with something different... trust, security, comittment and care and we have all this. From the outside we have a perfect relationship.

    I am just wondering what can be done to make this gnawing worry in my stomach go away. Or maybe I am deluding myself and it is time to move on? Please, please help me with this situation it's so confusing its driving me mad, my boyfriend has been so supportive but I don't want to mess him around any more.
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #2

    Aug 19, 2010, 05:22 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by serenity04 View Post
    Basically, I am back with my ex boyfriend after 2 years apart but still seeing each other on and off. He has changed for the better and to me he is the most wonderful man man in the world. We get on amazingly and have everything in common and I love him a great deal.
    And you are bored with this and think you need to move on?

    I think you should seek counseling to try to find out why you are uncomfortable with what everyone else seems to be looking for in a relationship.

    And he is supportive of you through this also.

    Seriously, it sounds like you will be making a mistake you will regret... forever.

    Try some professional input. You have too much to lose not to.
    serenity04's Avatar
    serenity04 Posts: 14, Reputation: 3
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    #3

    Aug 19, 2010, 06:05 AM

    I know... I don't understand it myself. He adores me and does everything for me and I feel so loved and lucky but when I'm with him it's like something is missing, I don't feel a spark or a thrill or the warm fuzzy feeling I used to have.
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #4

    Aug 19, 2010, 06:10 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by serenity04 View Post
    I know... I don't understand it myself. He adores me and does everything for me and I feel so loved and lucky but when I'm with him it's like something is missing, I don't feel a spark or a thrill or the warm fuzzy feeling I used to have.
    Have you considered counseling? It sounds like you have much to lose and would be worth trying.
    serenity04's Avatar
    serenity04 Posts: 14, Reputation: 3
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    #5

    Aug 19, 2010, 09:23 AM

    We've not tried counselling, he hurt me a lot in the past so maybe that's creating a barrier subconsciously. If I can't shake this feeling naturally then both us are willing to try counselling.
    serenity04's Avatar
    serenity04 Posts: 14, Reputation: 3
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    #6

    Aug 20, 2010, 04:10 AM

    Part of me thinks this is just me deluding myself that it's something I can fix because this relationship gives me so much security, when in my heart I've moved on...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #7

    Aug 20, 2010, 06:57 AM

    Maybe you need some time to examine your own feelings with a clear head. If all he brings is security, then what's missing that you need? Why did you get back together with him? Weren't you happy on your own??
    serenity04's Avatar
    serenity04 Posts: 14, Reputation: 3
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    #8

    Aug 20, 2010, 07:39 AM

    I'm not missing anything. There's nothing more I want from him that I'm not getting. But I can't shake this unsure almost sick feeling in my stomach when I'm with him or we communicate that makes me panic and question my feelings for him/ our relationship.

    Thinking has got me nowhere, I have thought and thought and thought and I can never seem to work out, what's real and what I am/ am not trying to convince myself of.

    I was OK on my own but I was always happier with him and he truly loves me and has changed so I decided it was worth another shot, especially as we spent so much time together anyway.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Aug 20, 2010, 07:50 AM

    Could be you have misgivings about his change and need more time to be convinced that they are permanent, which may be normal, and making you wait for more evidence before you drop your walls completely. Hard to say.
    serenity04's Avatar
    serenity04 Posts: 14, Reputation: 3
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    #10

    Aug 20, 2010, 09:15 AM

    I guess only time will tell, I'm going to work hard at my relationship and see if I can feel at ease again, if I can't I'll have to break up with him.

    Maybe time apart will give me the clarity I need and maybe the answer will be that I need to move on.
    serenity04's Avatar
    serenity04 Posts: 14, Reputation: 3
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    #11

    Aug 20, 2010, 03:42 PM

    We broke up tonight. I need time to work out what is going on inside me and what I want.
    411Help's Avatar
    411Help Posts: 428, Reputation: 103
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    #12

    Aug 20, 2010, 05:42 PM

    I'm sorry to hear. How did he take it?
    serenity04's Avatar
    serenity04 Posts: 14, Reputation: 3
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    #13

    Aug 21, 2010, 08:47 AM

    He was hurt, VERY hurt, but he understood. He knows I need some time to myself to think, he's confident things will work out eventually.
    serenity04's Avatar
    serenity04 Posts: 14, Reputation: 3
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    #14

    Aug 23, 2010, 12:57 PM

    Your boyfriend loves you <3 x
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