About a year ago I was at the end and coming out of a 3 year relationship when I met a 50 year old married man through work circles. I was 24 and we ended up developing a friendship. We were both in similar situations in our relationships as his marriage had been dead for years. I enjoyed speaking to him and spending time with him and before long we fell in love and decided we wanted to be together. I moved out of the house with my now ex boyfriend pretty much immediately. I love this man so much but we constantly now just argue.

He is still living with his wife whilst going (slowly) through the process of divorce. We still see each other a lot but to me it doesn't feel like a truly fulfilling relationship because I suppose he still isn't fully out of his last. He has a son which I know he feels guilt over leaving, which I try to understand but ultimately he has to decide if he is going to or not. And he understands that sometimes children can be better off when their parents divorce and they can see what a loving relationship looks like. He finds that I'm very critical. Maybe this is true, there are things I wish were different but does that mean that I just can't say them?

Anyway, my biggest problem, and what is ruining the relationship in my opinion, is his inability to end a quarrel. We have a row as couples do, and after a while of talking usually both of us apologise and say let's leave it. But after 5 minutes he goes back to it. And he does this repeatedly and continuously until hours have passed and been wasted and I just want him to leave because I can't listen to it anymore. And he's so much older, I thought he would be mature but it seems he wants to mill over and over things until we have wasted all of our time together. Sometimes I become so distressed I'm crying and shouting and have on occasion hit my head off walls and cut myself because it frustrates me more than anything I've ever known. Still he continues, this doesn't make him stop, maybe for a minute but then he goes back to it again as always.

Last week one of our rows got so bad he smashed his car windscreen. I broke the mirror before because I got so mad. We can't go on like this. I know I'm not perfect but the way he argues with me and its incessantness makes me so stressed and anxious. No amount of crying or begging him to stop makes it happen. Lately I find I'm happier when I'm alone because when I'm with him I'm in constant fear of a row that will last for days on end. I feel so exhausted and can barely eat or sleep when we argue. I'm often going into work with swollen eyes from crying all night. Should we break up?

Regardless of what situation a person is in, if they're in a relationship they're off limits. Be it a marriage, dating, or engaged. If that person is with another person they're not in the game. Think about it, if they're unhappy in their current situation and they resort to CHEATING on their mate with you, what is he going to do when he's unhappy with your relationship? Is he going to grab another 24 year old and CHEAT on you with her? What does this say about him and his personality and the way he treats relationships?

You haven't figured this out yet, but there are reasons that you don't get involved with someone who's already in a relationship. Another is the fact that they'll LIE to you to get what they want. "I am divorcing my wife so that I can be with you." This is what a LOT of men will tell their mistresses even when they have NO intention of leaving their wives. They just want you to think they're going to, but it is probably too expensive and they just wanted a little piece of something/something on the side. You can't know his intentions regardless of what he says. He is lying to his wife to have this affair with you. What is he lying to you about?

Enough said on that front.

You sure he's leaving?

Choose your battles. IS it something that is important? My father almost lost me because he thought my long hair wasn't appropriate. He was very critical of it and thought it would hold me back in life. He came REALLY close to losing me before realize how silly it was. Are you too critical? That is something you can decide for yourself. I would suggest taking a moment to sit back and decide if the issue is actually important. If it will come to any resolution. Is your anger over it justified. If it isn't then just drop it.

Which means you thought it was resolved, but he didn't. I have no advice for this. Just put it under the column of "Do I want to live with this for the rest of his life? (Given that he is also twice your age, but we'll come back to that.

Age doesn't equal maturity. If you haven't realized this you will when you get into an office job. People will be as responsible and mature as they have to be. Chances are his WIFE let him get away with a lot and dealt with a lot in his house she he didn't have to. He didn't need to be mature. So he wasn't. Welcome to life.

You've already made your decision and need validation for it. Leave him. You aren't happy. You won't be happy. He isn't a faithful guy. I can say with a good amount of certainty that he isn't going to leave his wife. Leave this person. Go away. Find someone you'll be happy with. IT is a year in and you would rather be alone. This isn't healthy.

Take some time off from dating and heal. You need to be alone and figure out how to take care of yourself. You need to be you for a little bit. When you get back into the game don't play with anyone who is already in a relationship. That is a certain recipe for disaster that will leave you with nothing but heartbreak.

Good luck.

He's married, and it seems he's going to stay married. A divorce isn't slow unless someone is not seeking a divorce. Do you actually know that he's asked for a divorce, or is he just telling you that he is? I'd bet that he hasn't even asked, or filed any paperwork to get a divorce.

He's old enough to be your father, he's 50 and has a 24 year old willing sex partner to play with, while staying married to his wife. Lucky guy. He hit the jackpot! Sadly he's not good at lying to you, and even more sad you're still falling for the lies and allowing him to manipulate you. But it's not all you're fault, most 24 year olds would fall for this.

The rows you describe, OMG! That's not normal! Breaking windshields, cutting yourself! That's not normal behavior at all! Yes, all couples have fights, but what you're describing, that's not normal! You both need therapy if you think this is normal behavior.

Dump him, find someone that's available. This guy will stay married, and continue using you, and if you allow it, that's your fault!

Once you dump him, get help, because the things you do when you have disagreement with a significant other, is not normal at all. You need to get help so that the next relationship has a chance.

Should you break? You never should have gotten together.

Jumping from one failed relationship to another, especially with an older married guy, seldom works even though it sounded like a good idea at the time.

Break up, and allow the healing to take place that you skipped completely after your other failed relationship.

The relationship is not healthy, normal relationships do not have violence.

But he is married and he is not in a divorce, he is still living with his wife, a divorce is easy and fast, he moves out, today, tomorrow.

It is time for you to start thinking for yourself, you are hoping for something that will never work out. He is not going to leave his wife, he is old enough to be your father and you will just continue to be in an abusive relationship, move on and don't look back.