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    Colin7's Avatar
    Colin7 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Mar 12, 2007, 09:15 AM
    Should I reach out to her?
    A week ago I asked the forum if it is a good sign of things to come that my girlfriend (or former... I don't know, you got me) texted me with a nice thought after a brief encounter outside our gym. (After 5 months of serious dating she had asked for space). Most replied that it is not necessarily an indication she wants something more at the moment, to continue to give her space and to continue to work on my life's challenges. OK good advice - thank you.

    One of the things we used to discuss while we were together was my house. See, I purchased my current house with my ex wife (oh... point of clarification here, the reason I'm divorced is NOT because of my gf). After my ex wife moved out my girlfriend was always coming over (I selfishly rarely went to her place). When we stared "talking" about the future, she was adament about not moving in, nor temporarily moving in whilst we looked for a home together. I now know she was right and I was (again) selfish for not seeing it her way, only mine.

    Once we separated, I got to thinking about what she said (coupled with therapy). My house is quite lonely and large for a single guy. I'm up in the mountains and away from things - kind of secluded. These points coupled with the fact I purchased my home with my ex wife started me thinking about selling. I came to the realization that selling is the right thing option (for all the right reasons). Long story short (very long and winded) I'm selling my home. This is NOT a ploy to get her back, only for me to start on a clean slate in a new area near better energy (so to speak).

    I've not reached out to her to date, only in response to a passive email and text message. Should I tell my ex what I'm doing? I don't want to scare her in thinking I'm doing this to get her back but I do want her to know that I've made the decision and that her point of view/point of contention was a contributing factor in my decision to move.


    I welcome your thoughts.
    Nohitter410's Avatar
    Nohitter410 Posts: 187, Reputation: 50
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    #2

    Mar 12, 2007, 09:21 AM
    You definitely should not tell your ex what you are doing. She doesn't need to know every little going on in your life even if to you it is a big thing and a sign of the changes that are ocurring in your life.

    She asked for space and space doesn't mean not talking to her... unless you have something important to say. It means give her and yourself to figure out what you are all about and what you want in life. You need to realize she isn't coming back and even if this ploy isn't for a date then there would be no other reason to let her know. If for some reason she contacts you and brings it up then maybe bring it up in passing. But I will let it be for now and move on and keep on with the no contact. It truly will do no good and it will keep yourself a mystery which is what you should be with your ex.
    THey don't need to know really anything going on with you. It would just complicate things and I do agree being secluded and away from everything will hinder your growth. Maybe try moving to an area where there are more people your style and that should help your growth.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,321, Reputation: 10854
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    #3

    Mar 14, 2007, 10:30 AM
    I think you should handle your own business whatever way you see fit and you owe no one an explanation. Keep living your own life and don't worry about anyone else's.
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #4

    Mar 14, 2007, 01:55 PM
    It's your house and your decision to sell it so she has no need to know. I think it's a great idea myself because it sort of ends an era and starts a new one in which you get to create all new memories that being said those memories belong to you, not her or anybody else.
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
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    #5

    Mar 14, 2007, 03:04 PM
    Why do you think you need to tell her. Are you sure it isn't a tactic to get her back. The only reason I asked is that you were adamant in telling us that it wasn't a tactic therefore you assumed we would think it is. And the fact that you want to tell her about your selling after she suggested you sell suggests that it is a tactic.

    Maybe I'm wrong but it is just the way it sounds.

    My answer would be no, don't tell her. Are you going to tell your ex wife? Probably not, so why do you need to tell your ex girlfriend?

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