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    Should I leave my boyfriend that cheated on me?

    Asked Jul 23, 2008, 09:40 AM 74 Answers
    Me and my boyfriend are trulyy in love we are high school sweethearts. Its our first serious relationship ever. We are best friends. We are both 19 and I honestly got with him because he was mature,loving romantic and HONEST. So 2 yrs in the relationship we broke up once and it was 4 months ago, he wanted to leave me because he said he was scared because our relationship was too great and we were too happy so he questioned life ad he felt we were guna end up getting married.(commitment phobia) I thought heyy no biggy we can get through this, so I begged for him to get back with me and he couldn't help it, I know he loves me a lot. He goes away to college but he comes home every weekend and we were always on the phone.

    Recently I went into his myspace and found a message from a girl they were basically planning to meet up, I never would invade his privacy but I had a feeling in my gut, I can read him sooo well. So I broke up with him and he refused to let me go! He didn't want to break up. After a few hrs he had made it clear it meant nothing and he just did it to flirt he wasn't guna do anything wt her, she's a girl he went out wit when he was a little boy so I said OK and I felt I couldn't let a slutt like her break us up(cuz she aked him out).

    The next day when everything was supposed to get better, it got 100 times worse!! He told me that the time he wanted to break up 4 months ago was because the girl he kissed at the bar... he had SEX with her!! it hurts me to just hear that word :(... and he kissed 2 other girls at college.

    So at his point I can not explain the pain in my chest.. I have done absolutely nothing but treat him like my prince. I am very attractive and always get hit on but I just laugh it off and show no interest. I am the most loyal and faithfull girl I respected him so much I mean I would do anything for him but this... I don't know if I can handle this :(


    He says the reason he told me was because he realizes how much he truly loves me and he didn't want to live a lie.. and he doesn't want to leave this relationship. He says if I take him back he will not be away at college and I would see him a lot and he'll treat me just what I deserve to be treated like a princess, he's willing to sacrifice because I'm worth it... omgggg helppp!!
    He says he was immature and confused it was his first year at college and that he didn't realize how much he wanted to be with me.. he says he's in love with me and doesn't want to lose me and that I mean the world to him. I am his best friend and like family. His family loves me we are all close. He says he regrets everything and that we learn from our mistakes... please help me he's been calling and texting and leaving voicemails please don't leave me but.. I don't know what to do. I do know I love him and I see myself being with him but I'm scared of getting hurt.. was this a phase? Is he over his fears?does he deserve another chance?

    ************************************************** *******************************8


    OK so most of you think I should leave him... but its unbelievable the way we get a long I mean I'm not saying I forgive him.. I will NEVER forgive him but don't u guys think he deserves one last chance? Is it wrong? I have never in my life seen him cry and the day he broke the news he was crying like a baby.. he can really control his emotions and this shocked me. We were in his car when he told me and I flipped out and slapped him across his face and threw sooo many punches and he took it like a man. My heart is sooo in pain but a part of me wants to wait like a month or two and get back together maybe hell learn his lesson and the other part of me wants to never see him again but I dunt feel I can trully do that. This is a guy I talk to every single day and see him every day in the summer!! :( I can't imagine life with out him... I have the heart to let go trust me but I feel he's come to his senses of how serious our relationship really is... at this time I have over 20 textes from him and lost count of the calls and voicemails from only this morning and it happened last night... the only thing I do know and believe is the other girls didn't mean anything. And someone said that he probably slept wit the other girls.. its not true I don't believe that, he wudve definitely told me.. wen he confesed he meant it and he felt releaved... I don't want to c him for a long time thou I know that... so does he deserve a chance at all?


    ************************************************** **************************8

    """My bf is my best friend too because if you look at them without the love part you still do have the friend bond as well or it is not as likely to be a lasting relationship.

    Up until the part about meeting a girl in the bar I would have said that since you got together so young it can be natural for one to want to find out what they are missing especially when they are off to college and you at home. But the rest is like he is not ready for you or any relationship and you need to just let him go until he comes to realize you were the best thing for him. If that were to happen one day then maybe give him another chance but in the meantime let him go. He doesn't seem to be committed enough to really know what he wants yet.

    "If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it.. . """""


    Wow thanks I agree sooooo much with you that's what my aunt said but I'm soooo scared you knoo I'm actually so numb from the pain I almost didn't cry last night when I got home from the bad news. I think ill let him go free for a while but I already know the answer to that... he will return everyday... ill keep you guys updated

    Last edited by jenny77; Jul 23, 2008 at 11:19 AM.
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    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #2

    Jul 23, 2008, 09:45 AM
    Once a cheater, always a cheater. He will only continue to do this because HEY! You forgave him before, why wouldn't you again
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    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #3

    Jul 23, 2008, 09:45 AM
    First, before I even read the thing... let me answer: yes. You should leave him.

    ... now, let me read.
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    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #4

    Jul 23, 2008, 09:47 AM
    Ah, now that I've read it...

    Yes. You should leave him.

    1. you two are high school sweethearts... that term only applies when you two have been together AFTER high school... for some time.

    2. that whole "we're TOO happy...and I'm afraid of getting too close" is code for "I need to bail out and see whatelse is out there."

    3. he cheated on you. The whole, "I don't want to live a lie" thing... that's straight bs. It just means that the thing with the other girl just didn't work out. He's been living a lie, why not continue to live a lie now?

    Bail out. Bail out. Bail out.
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    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #5

    Jul 23, 2008, 09:50 AM
    Also, learn from your mistakes... Yes, I agree... Forgetting to turn off the oven(mistake you learn from), Not putting the E-brake on in your manual car(mistake you REALLY learn from) and lastly, pulling your zipper up to fast(Oh you better freakin learn that quickly guys!)

    Cheating, not a mistake, it's a choice... Just go listen to the song "Should've said no" by Taylor Swift
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    Andrew916's Avatar
    Andrew916 Posts: 182, Reputation: 33
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    #6

    Jul 23, 2008, 09:55 AM
    I hate to break it to you, but if he really, truly, LOVES you- he wouldn't need to cheat. I loved my girlfriend while we were still together and I was always around some seriously attractive girls that me and my buds chill with. But you know what? I didn't make any advances toward them, I didn't do anything to them. To me they were just some cool people and I felt no need to jeopardize what me and my girlfriend had- to be honest- it never crossed my mind. I loved her and she was all I needed- so other girls weren't even in the picture. To me that's what true love is- you don't need another person to have sex with. Your truly loving relationship should be 100% monogamous. If I were you, I'd ask him why he felt the need to have sex with another woman if he truly loves YOU. Because to me, love and cheating, cannot go together and probably never will go together... I hope you make the right choice!

    -Drew
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    Andrew916's Avatar
    Andrew916 Posts: 182, Reputation: 33
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    #7

    Jul 23, 2008, 10:04 AM
    Oh and you said that you're his best friend. Perhaps you guys should only be best friends. I've never heard anybody body say that their best friends with their partners. By the time you become BF and GF you should have passed the friendship ship stage a while before and left that far behind. So now that your thinking that you're best friends, maybe you've lost that a bit of the feelings you had for him. Just step back and take in the situation from the objective perspective.
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    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #8

    Jul 23, 2008, 10:07 AM
    I disagree with you Andrew, but won't give you a reddie, my girlfriend is one of my bestfriends. You can't have a relationship with someone and not consider them a friend as well. 9/10 times friendships that go into a relationship are built stronger. Every girl I have dated has been my friend while we dated as well
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    Rockstar714's Avatar
    Rockstar714 Posts: 441, Reputation: 44
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    #9

    Jul 23, 2008, 10:14 AM
    If you're happy with someone why would you want to leave because you're "too happy"? Most people spend a good portion of their lives looking for what makes them happy, not running from it so that should've been your first red flag.

    Yeah, now he realizes "i screwed up, she'll forgive me and I'm at college so I can feed her these bs lines and she'll believe me and I can still do whatever I want to." Rome is right, once a cheater, always a cheater. Always.

    If he really loved you he wouldn't think twice about looking at or hooking up with another girl. And telling you its because he kissed her then after awhile telling you he slept with her, he's probably done it with other girls its just now eating at his conscience.

    My ex did the same thing. He professed his love to me, he was my first boyfriend and yeah, I believed him. He left for "truck driving school" in Arizona and told me he was in chicago for days on his 6week training run and it turns out he skipped town and was about 2-3 hours away working for some other company seeing some girl named Brook. He came back and said he loved me and that there was nothing between them, she was just his bosses's daughter and they hung out and then when he was back she would show up, his "old friend" whats-herface would show up, let him borrow her car and then he was living with his best friend's sister and "her boyfriend" which turn out to be him. But he told me for MONTHS that there was nothing between him and any other girl and that it was only me.

    He was seeing 6 girls at one time. He still cheats on her (the one he was living with) any chance he can get, and she just had his baby.

    Cheaters never stop cheating. They just make up more elaborate lies to cover up the truth.
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    Rockstar714's Avatar
    Rockstar714 Posts: 441, Reputation: 44
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    #10

    Jul 23, 2008, 10:15 AM
    I have to disagree with andrew too. My boyfriend is my best friend. We were best friends before we got together and we're really close.
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    Andrew916's Avatar
    Andrew916 Posts: 182, Reputation: 33
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    #11

    Jul 23, 2008, 10:46 AM
    I suppose it's just how you word it. I feel like 'friends' is far too weak a word to describe two people who truly love each other. That's all I'm really saying. For instance- when I think friends, I think of people who look out for each other and like to hang out. But when I think of lovers, I think of two people who can't imagine life without each other. They some will do anything and everything for each other. They draw strength from each other and can't stand the thought of being separated. They love each others' flaws and can't imagine them changing. It's that higher level of connection and compatibility that I don't feel 'friend' or even 'best friend' can come close to describing. So in the end it comes down to what your definition of friend or best friend is. To you, friendship is something that can describe a relationship where two people are in love. I just feel that 'friend' can't even scratch the surface of what true love is... in the end- perception is reality...
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    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #12

    Jul 23, 2008, 10:58 AM
    My boyfriend is my best friend too because if you look at them without the love part you still do have the friend bond as well or it is not as likely to be a lasting relationship.

    Up until the part about meeting a girl in the bar I would have said that since you got together so young it can be natural for one to want to find out what they are missing especially when they are off to college and you at home. But the rest is like he is not ready for you or any relationship and you need to just let him go until he comes to realize you were the best thing for him. If that were to happen one day then maybe give him another chance but in the meantime let him go. He doesn't seem to be committed enough to really know what he wants yet.

    "If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it.. .
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    jenny77's Avatar
    jenny77 Posts: 34, Reputation: 3
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    #13

    Jul 23, 2008, 01:28 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Romefalls19
    Once a cheater, always a cheater. He will only continue to do this because HEY! you forgave him before, why wouldn't you again

    But he knows if I forgive him now I will NEVER forgive him again.. hes sure of this... his biggest fear is never seeing me again and not being with me
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    Rockstar714's Avatar
    Rockstar714 Posts: 441, Reputation: 44
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    #14

    Jul 23, 2008, 01:35 PM
    Jenny,

    If you don't want to leave him and you believe him, then work it out. Obviously you care for him, so make it work and tell him that if this ever happens again, that's it, and stick to your guns
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    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,660, Reputation: 1034
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    #15

    Jul 23, 2008, 01:42 PM
    How many times he cheated on you and how many more times will he do it? If he respected you or loved you so much he would not had. Now he's gulity because of the girl you find him talking to. She's not the slut like you called her but he is so what do you call him. If you think what you have with him is real or going be, think again. What will happen the next time he's at bar, I guess liquor is the blame, not.

    There will always be tempation and he proved that he's weak. Being faithfull is not him and in return you'll be the one that get hurt, not him.
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    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #16

    Jul 23, 2008, 01:44 PM
    Many people are capable of learning their lesson she has to determine if he is one of them IF she wants to forgive him and take him back
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    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,660, Reputation: 1034
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    #17

    Jul 23, 2008, 02:02 PM
    Some people change and most don't. I could see if he did it once, but one, two, three and wa going meet an fourth. That seems to be his behavior.

    Jenny, if you do decide to forgive note that you can't throw it in his face whenever you want or get into an argument. You need to know of the feelings that will come with staying with, questioning his every move, wondering if he's doing it again, etc. These thoughts will enter your mind because the trust is broken and its hard to gain back. Know that and just be aware of what you getting into.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,627, Reputation: 10723
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    #18

    Jul 23, 2008, 03:02 PM
    Be smart, take your own sweet time to think about it, and make a decision when you're a lot less emotional. Now isn't it. Why should you be in a hurry to decide anything, when he is the one who screwed up. He may never learn his lesson, and you may never be happy with him, so don't be to hasty and forgive someone who doesn't deserve it. Right now he doesn't, just because he has proved NOTHING. Boohooing, and begging doesn't count.
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    jenny77's Avatar
    jenny77 Posts: 34, Reputation: 3
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    #19

    Jul 24, 2008, 10:57 AM
    Wow thanks guys for your comments...

    When he slept with the other girl he was drunk.. and I will call her a SLUTT (she is a slutt, she just met him and wanted to get in bed which means she probably does this all the time... I wudnt call my ex a slutt because for one he's coming clean and he told me what was bothering him and I also want to say after he tried to break off the relationship I started acting different I wasn't enjoying it, wasn't having genuine fun and he knew this, I have a very strong bond with him, like a spiritual bond, I know when hesw hiding something, I go to my phone to c if he called and than it starts ringing its really weird it's the same with him, he would say I was JUST guna call you and he would start freaking out lol... anywayyy and also when he kissed the two girls we were not together. We were broken up for a month and he did it during that process... but when we were together and he revealed he wasn't ready for commitment around that time while we were still together he slept with that girl and wanted to reak up because he said he loves me so much and that I don't deserve this from anyone. If you loved me why did you do it in the first place? He says well baby I told you I was just going through a lot you know I'm at college and my friends all go out and stuff and I felt I wasn't ready to be with you and because you were such a pefect girl friend and unever did anything wrong it freightened me... I know we are young but maybe he did learn his lesson because I know him the best... he was going through a stage where he was really confused and immature and he tells me he manned up to this situation.

    He said he is finally 100 percent sure that he wants to be with me and he now knows what its like to not have me in his life and he is depressed I know this.. he talks to mme about everything.. his dad, sister all kinds of personal things and I'm like his dr.phil you knoo. He says now that he is 100 percent sure what he wants he has to be a man and take the first step... which is revealing all of his secrets.

    At this point I want to avoid him... my phone has not stopped!! My myspace inbox is full and he has been texting me literally every 5 to 10 minutes since the 22th around 9:00. I feel I should keep my distance and teach him a really long lesson.

    One more bad news...

    He changed his password on myspace.. andi asked him why and immediately told me the password and said he didn't know y... so I said you do know this a huge red flag for me stating that you might still have secrets and your ready to move on if I don't take you back (which I'm not guna rushh at alll!! ) that you are sure to continue to have secrets and not have me see it!! Am I right??
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    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #20

    Jul 24, 2008, 11:08 AM
    Honest opinion, the trust in this relationship is so screwed it will never work out. If you chose to take him back, you have to forgive this entire episode which means the trust has to be restored because you accept his faults. That will be the only way this thing would work, and obviously you don't want to do because you want to know all his myspace information.

    On another note, using NC to teach someone a lesson is really immature and totally the wrong direction NC is used for on these forums.
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