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    MotherlessDaugh's Avatar
    MotherlessDaugh Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 21, 2019, 09:02 AM
    Should I just forget about my mother? I really want a mother/daughter relationship.
    Well my mom left when I was 8. I visited her in England two months ago and of course my dad was right. Even my brothers, best friend and my family were right about my mother and tried to tell me and keep me away from her. My mom was excited and happy to see me but as the week goes, she lost interest quickly. She stood me up for dinner (I waited three hours), she didn't even apologized or feel awful about it. I tried to hide it but I was pissed. She stood me up before and didn't apologize then. She only thinks of herself. She seemed to not want me around and gets irritated when I'm around. She admitted that she lived alone and prefers it that way. She told me the real truth about why she left us besides her wanting her own life and not wanting to be a mom anymore . She was BRUTALLY BLUNT about she said it was because she didn't wanna deal with a child with a disability. I'm autisitc....we'll have Asperger's. She left after my diagnoses. She only cares and wanted to talk to my brothers and not me. Then why did she invite me to see her? I was heartbroken and I decided to go home. Everyone was right about my mom. My mom NEVER calls me but only my brothers. I called her once and she answered. My dad said I need to move on and I've been doing amazing without my mom and I don't need her. I need my mom! I described my mom as a strong woman just made a bad choice. My family disagrees. Sorry for the rant.[/B]
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,104, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    Aug 21, 2019, 05:16 PM
    She isn't your mom no matter how bad you want her to be. She doesn't want to be and you should accept that. I bet your brothers have a way of dealing with her at a distance and no expectations. Are their other older females in your life like step mom or aunts? If so how is your relationship with them? Why do you need someone that' pushes you away? That's not healthy. Maybe she has issues herself, as do you, I don't know. Are you the youngest child? How old are you now and what are the ages of your brothers?

    I suspect they are older than you and better able to adapt to her. Sorry you have a selfish fruit cake for a bio mom, but I don't see a mother daughter relationship here either. She is the one missing out, though, not you! Don't ever forget that!
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,847, Reputation: 5428
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    #3

    Aug 21, 2019, 06:20 PM
    Please take into your heart what Tal said above. Is there an aunt or grandma or even a family friend who is willing to become a mom to you? And Tal's right -- your mom very likely has her own emotional demons chasing her so it's difficult for her to give love. Just to let you know and give you some reassurance, it's NOT you -- it's her.

    I have a son who has Asperger's. He's the joy of my life! And oh, by the way, fifty-two years ago, I married a guy with Asperger's. Yes, we've hit a few bumpy places but nothing we couldn't figure out together. I sense you'd like him -- when there's work to do or an answer to be found, you're right there, thinking and planning and, I hope, smiling.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7691
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    #4

    Aug 21, 2019, 06:41 PM
    You know she wanted to see you. She wanted to tell you the truth. You call it brutal because it was not the words or the meeting you had dreamed of.

    You had a chance to meet her, get to know her and she was honest. She could have lied and maybe you would have been happy but you would not have really known her.

    The problem is not your mom, it is what you expected from it. You wanted a Oprah TV show meeting, where all were hugs and tears and more. It actually went well compared to more. Many end up with the parent cursing you for bothering them, telling you where to go and more. So I think you should be happy for what you got.

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