There is this boy on a matrimonial website that my brother had contacted about 2 months ago. Back then, I was not managing my matri profile and was busy with my work. When my brother finally showed me this profile about 3 weeks back, I was smitten- to say the least. Then I asked my brother if he had had any communication with this boy in the past two months? My brother told me that this boy had "accepted" my profile when my brother sent an expression interest to him. But since my brother was not a paid member he could not initiate any conversation/messges as such with the boy. Soon after, the boy himself had dropped in a "hi" . It has been two months since his "hi"Recently, about a week ago my brother took up a paid membership, wrote back a "hey how r u" to this guy and asked him for birth details in order to get horoscopes matched (it is an Indian practice). The boy hasn't responded yet, because I am guessing he freaked out. Now, as a paid member, I am able to see this boy's email id on the website. I have been wondering whether I should email him? Or not? We are both in our mid-thirties, and well, in different countries, and belong to different nationalities. He is half Indian/half British and lives in london. Whereas I am Indian and live in Delhi.My family and I have no issues with a foreigner. But I am giving this information so it's easier for you to share some suggestions regarding how to go about this. Should I email him or wait for him to respond to my brother's message? (As in I have no right to be so impatient because I myself took two months to respond to respond!! ). Should I email this foreigner I saw on a matrimonial website?
Also, please note that my own matrimonail profile on this site is wrtten by my parents and brother and it is this profile that the boy "accepted." My profile also has a couple of pictures of mine attached to it. So till now, his contact his exposure has been to all third parties--a profile written by someone else and messages by someone else- not by me directly.

First of course about 1/2 of all men on marriage and/or dating sites are fakes.

Others seldom tell all the truth.

Are you, and your parents OK, with you moving to London, (assuming you can get a visa to do so)

Why, after two months on a marriage site, why would he still be available. A good site or sites he may be on, he should have talked to 100's of girls by now.

But email him ? Why not, just know that you should not fall for him, until you meet in person,

Dear chuck, well, there are people who are on these sites for years. Though god knows how long he has been on it ! I asked this qstn not because I am unaware of all the issues you mentioned, (though thanks for reminding me actaully about them). But because I wanted to know if I will come across as too strong especially after my brother has already messaged him via through the website inbox once and received no reply. Under these circumstances, would it be right that I email him-that too on his personal email id ? There isn't really harm, I mean why even sit and think? If he doesn't reply, well then, who cares, at least he will be off my mind. If he does, then again, who knows, how long we will last.

As long as you go into this eyes wide open and are willing to take a risk why not. You are right, no telling how long you will last as... online text buddies, if you both are for real. Heck you might even meet every year. I realize you may be of a different culture than I am, and dating, romance, and marriage follow a different tradition, but getting high hopes is as real a problem as disappointment.

You are 30ish, so do you not have a career, education and dating opportunities among your own colleagues? If you do not have a life that you enjoy already I caution you trying to build one with a stranger online from another part of the world. Something's are best done in person over a reasonable time in my opinion, and dating, romance, seeking a lifemate is one of them. It's hard enough dating and getting to know a real person (IN person) without a computer between you, and even that is no guarantee for happiness for life, or even a month.

Keep it real and see if you are even FRIENDS. Or you could waste a lot of time living in a self made fantasy.

Apparently, you have it all figured out. Chuck, gave you good advice just in case you needed to know the pluses and minuses of a typical online affair.

Fun is one thing, getting emotionally attached to a stranger you may never meet is quite another thing entirely, and happens more often than not I bet.

O yes, talaniman, I need to be careful about that. Definitely. Thanks for cautioning me early on.

I am not looking for fun as such. But who knows what may transpire eventually.

Why is your brother communicating with him and not you?

Hope for the best, plan for the worst. If this is your first online experience then don't expect the earth to move. I just never saw rejection or failures at love as a bad thing. Had plenty of both, but live and in person, have you?

This isn't my first online experience. I was married and divorced more than three yrs ago. Had met my first husband online as well. Two of my dearest friendhsips with two males were established and have lasted online (as they are both in cities different from mine). Both these men got married long back (one , eight yrs back another ten yrs back). Those are healthy frendships. I wasn't looking for frendship even back then- was looking for a husband. Somehow, we guys lasted as friends and never made it as a couple. This is only to give you a background that this isn't my first time. And yes, as for the qstn as to why my brother is communicating with him and not me? Back in India, culturally, that is the done thing on matrimonail websites for a lot of women. I had a self-posted and self-managed profile before I met my ex-husband. Because of the divorce, I feel superstitious about history repeating itself now if I post my own profile-

What's your REAL life all about? No dating? JOB/Career?

Since u asked me about my online experiences, that is what I told u. I have dated/ worked in real life as well.

I find it deceptive that your brother is answering, not you. I'm not from India, so I understand there are cultural differences, however, most likely this gentleman thinks you are responding, not a third party.

Well, my brother mentioned in his message that he is my "brother" and two more thing (1) that he will get back to the guy after he responds (2) that he will "run your next message by my sister". But yeah, that guy must be thinking I am ghostwriting in my brother's name... lol. Though not sure y he would think so when my brother clearly mentioned otherwise.

You didn't make it clear, until now, that your brother made it known he was responding instead of you.

However, as an American, I would quickly brush off a love interest if someone other than the member were responding. I do understand the cultural differences, but it is deceptive.

If if I were on a dating site I would not want to converse through a third party. You can send him that email, but don't be surprised if he doesn't respond. At this point you have nothing to lose.

May I ask why you are trying to meet men online rather than in person?