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    Dare81's Avatar
    Dare81 Posts: 264, Reputation: 44
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    #1

    Dec 28, 2010, 12:45 AM
    Should I call me ex, she just got married
    So after an 8 year relationship maybe more,I just found out that my ex got married, we broke up 2 years ago and I have been doing NC. I found out on Facebook we have mutual friends and one of them told me. Should I call her and congratulate her.When I found out I was pretty down for a couple of days, but I am felling almost normal again.I havenot really dated anyone since we broke up. Any suggestions will be must appreciated?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #2

    Dec 28, 2010, 03:13 AM
    Congratulations might be OK depending on how acrimonious the split was, but not over the phone. A card or Facebook. But even more important, wait a good 3 months or so after the wedding. You don't want to appear to be following her every move and her husband doesn't need to worry about what it may mean. (What does it mean, really? Proof that you are OK? Not a good enough reason.) I myself would wait even longer - until you have happy news to report about your own life, a new career, a trip you took, a girlfriend.
    Dare81's Avatar
    Dare81 Posts: 264, Reputation: 44
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    #3

    Dec 28, 2010, 07:11 AM
    Not sure what I am trying to achieve,I don't have her phone number not sure if the old one I did have, works anymore, haven't tried calling her in over two years, congratulating her on Facebook would mean adding her on Facebook as a friend, and I do not know where she lives anymore.So I guess it is going to be too much of a hassle, it will look kind of weird since I never found out from her that she is married.So I guess it is a no then.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #4

    Dec 28, 2010, 07:24 AM
    Second hand congratulations on Facebook through the mutual friends then... they may tell her, they may not, no harm. Best wishes in your own life. 8 years is a long time and you handled it well. I had that sinking feeling too when my ex remarried. Most of us do.
    answerme_tender's Avatar
    answerme_tender Posts: 1,148, Reputation: 689
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    #5

    Dec 28, 2010, 07:36 AM

    I would just leave it be. She didn't even bother to let you know about her marriage, so why go out of your way to say congrats to her. Continue on with your life and know that this part of your life is done, and there is no going back. Its time to get out more!! Good luck
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #6

    Dec 28, 2010, 11:22 PM
    I think it is a really bad idea to contact her to congratulate her.

    You both went on with your lives, and had for the fact she not married, and that you found out on Facebook, you would still be living your life without another thought of what she was up to.

    Perhaps if you had attended a stag, or stag and doe, or an engagement party, or some get together with old mutual friends, that may have been different, and socially okay to send her a card of congratulations.

    But, failing any contact with her, or any mutual friends in a social sense, and instead having had two years of no contact, my advice is to keep it that way.
    Dare81's Avatar
    Dare81 Posts: 264, Reputation: 44
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    #7

    Dec 29, 2010, 12:28 AM
    Agreed,I don't feel the need or the urge to contact her anymore, I think it was just the initial shock that was getting to me.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #8

    Dec 29, 2010, 07:09 AM
    No!
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