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Supergirl19 · Mar 4, 2009, 04:44 PM

I have been dating this guy for about a month now. He seemed perfect. He was so sweet, and called me every day, made plans, got me a thoughful birthday present, told me I was beautiful, etc. Now all of a sudden I don't hear from him anymore. After 3 days of no contact, I texted him to see how he was doing. He said he was really busy at work, and would be for the next month. Do you think this is really the case, or is it just a cowardly way of breaking up with me? He has been busy at work before, and has always had time to say a quick hello. Should I ask him what's going on, give him some space, or just assume that it's over?

kimykins · Mar 4, 2009, 04:47 PM

I think you should give him a little time maybe something happened and he needs to think its always good to let someone think things over after maybe id have to say 4-5 days you should try and contact him again and ask him if everythings all right if he says the same . =)

talaniman · Mar 8, 2009, 11:00 AM

While I think a phone call, or text would be nice, he backs away, so you must also, but thats not working together very well.

He may be nice, and busy, but inconsiderate also. A preview of things to come?? Maybe you should be busy as he is, or unavailable as he seems to be, or as inconsiderate?

I wonder how long he would take to respond, if you didn't call him at all, and went about your own business and pursued your own happiness. That might surprise you.

Your call.

arnimal7 · Mar 8, 2009, 11:13 AM

Hi Supergirl, I think you should stop calling him. If he wants to pursue you then great, if not then great. Don't make yourself look desperate. I'm sorry if I sound to blunt.

9Lives · Mar 8, 2009, 12:59 PM

He was sweet but he does not treat you right. It is a preview of things to come. No man is too busy to call a woman he is feeling. I guess his penis is not standing up screamin
Call her. He probably has someone else. Men are not strong like that

chuff · Mar 8, 2009, 03:24 PM

When he says he'll call you in a month that's a good indication that it is over.

Supergirl19 · Mar 11, 2009, 03:04 PM

Ok, so I did call him and ask if he was moving on. He he seemed really shocked and said no, of course not. He was really swamped with work. But still he didn't even bother to tell me that. We talked about 3 days ago, and he hasn't called since. He has sent one text message. Should I dump him? Even if he is busy with work, it doesn't take time to make a quick call or send a text. Maybe he's just inconsiderate.

xoxaprilwine · Mar 11, 2009, 03:08 PM

No, don't call and assume its over, move on to bigger and better things.

Best of luck,

liz28 · Mar 11, 2009, 03:14 PM

The two of you are just dating and aren't in a committed relationship so therefore you are free to date other people just like he is. So there is no dumping just moving on because this is a preview of his character and if he was interested there is no harm in calling someone even if the phone last for a minute.

So get out and meet new people and hopefully something would become of it. No sense of dragging things along any further by keep reaching out to someone that isn't reaching back. No more waiting.

anthony1222 · Mar 11, 2009, 05:44 PM

I've been in a situation like this. Now I'm a guy and girls can work differently but what happened was it was my girlfriend testing me, wondering if I cared enough to contact her, get it? So tough call but three days is a bit so I doubt he'd think poorly of you if you gave him a friendly text or call one night when you know he won't be at work. If it really starts to look bad after a while, I'd get a straight answer from him. Sometimes we need closure to things like that. Hope for the best

Supergirl19 · Mar 13, 2009, 02:31 PM

Threads merged.

I dated a guy for about 6 weeks. He was great. Honest, caring, called me everyday. We spent Valentine's and my birthday together, and I thought things were getting more serious. Then, all of a sudden, he stops calling, and when I ask him about it, he says he's busy at work. I heard from him a couple of weeks later, and he said that work was still crazy, but he was hanging out with his friends this weekend. I got kind of upset that he hadn't called or made plans to see me the last couple of weeks, but he has time for his friends. I dumped him, and he didn't argue with me. Just said he was sorry he was so busy, and that it had to end like this. He had a great time hanging out with me, but he wanted to keep it casual. Casual is one thing, ignoring a person is another. I am second guessing my decision now, because I miss him. Maybe I was expecting too much for such a new relationship. Is it normal for guys to want some space now and then, and just not call without warning sometimes, or is this a sign of bad behavior? Should I have been more patient? I'm not sure how the male brain works.

Justwantfair · Mar 13, 2009, 02:33 PM

How old are you both?

Supergirl19 · Mar 13, 2009, 02:39 PM

He's 25, I'm 27

Justwantfair · Mar 13, 2009, 02:45 PM

I think it is very early in a relationship, to not expect it to move too quickly.

The fact that he was stating that he was very busy at work should have been acceptable without much of a demand for time.

If he is busy at work and has free time that he gives to the guys, because it's probably been even longer since he had seen them.

I think you may have already burned this bridge, because by getting upset and demanding his time, while he is saying he just wants casual, wanting him back may not be an option. Guys don't appreciate clingy and needy, so I know plenty of guys who would have said OK to a break up and not looked back.

You are after two different things, he wants casual, you want exclusive. Don't go into a relationship to change a man or yourself.

Supergirl19 · Mar 13, 2009, 02:49 PM

The problem is, he didn't tell me that. I would have been okay if he had let me know that things would be busy, but he just disappeared.

Supergirl19 · Mar 13, 2009, 02:52 PM

And I find it hard to believe that he was so busy that he couldn't call or text

Justwantfair · Mar 13, 2009, 03:01 PM

But you look at it like a bf/gf exclusive relationship and it doesn't appear he was on that same page with you.

Supergirl19 · Mar 13, 2009, 03:23 PM

I guess not. But if I ever got busy and took a while to call back, he would be weird about it.

heartbroke · Mar 13, 2009, 04:10 PM

The male brain is simple, we do things that make us happy, if he wanted to hang out with his friends, you should have done the same with your friends, don't make him your priority. Maybe his phone was on silent, if it wasn't then he was just having a good time with his friends. If he got weird about you getting back to him late, then he has a double standard that he can do it and you cant. And if by now he hasn't contacted you, then let him come to you. If you go back to him, you admit fault , and then he will have control over the relationship. Allowing him to make double standard rules.. but to me it sounds like he just gave up.

bella_2009 · Mar 13, 2009, 04:50 PM

Hi, I am a woman, and just like you, I find it a completely mystery why guys do (or do not do) certain things.. the main problem is that men and women have different needs and expectations. One book which helped me a lot - 'Mars and Venus on a date' by John Gray. This is like the bible of dating (he wrote several books, but this is my absolute favorite). One explanation you would find in the book - 'men are like rubber bands' - when they get too close to a women they need to pull away for a while and re-connect with themselves. Then then spring back. Us, women, are of course completely shocked by this behavior because we do not have this need. The other explanation is of course that he met somebody else.. I think you could contact him that you are open for a coffee together -see how he reacts.