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    She Says she doesn't want to commit, but still wants me there as if we were.

    Asked Sep 19, 2007, 08:52 PM — 5 Answers
    First I meant she doesn't want a RELATIONSHIP, but still wants me there as if we had one... My Girlfriend and I recently split. We split because (and these are her words, not mine) one thing will happen, whether big or something really small, and she would blow up about it... so bad that she'd cuss me sometimes, tell me to leave, or just shut-off; which would lead eventually in the same conversation to us splitting. Then we would always be back together all happy and good until the same thing happened again. For the past 2 weeks, we've pretty much been acting the same... still happy, I still stay with her sometimes, had sex twice, and still I love you's and I miss you's and want you to be with me... Pretty much we still act the same as we do when were dating. Tonight I asked her what's going on, because she says that we are just friends, but really good friends. She still wants us to act the same... still sleeping over, try not to have sex but might happen, still saying I love you, and just wanting to be with each other, just without the commitment. I told there that for her not wanting a commitment, and with me wanting a commitment... that it just won't work the way she wants it to. I'm not a person who can say I love you, I miss you, sleep over with someone, and have sex everyonce in a while and NOT want to have a commitment to that person, I'm just not that way. I do love her, and I believe her when she says she loves me, but what do I do... When I left her room tonight, she got mad and said that apparently what she wants doesn't matter because I've already spoken my mind and what I feel... I didn't give in, and I left her room. Was it wrong to leave her room? Should I still act like we are together, talk like we are together, and all... but not have a commitment? To me it just doesn't add up... same thing with If it walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and looks like a duck... then it's a duck. Or should it be the other way? That even though we act like it, talk like it, and look like it... but we're not together? Can someone help me out here... its always good to have an outsiders opinion. It seems most of the women/girls I ask... I've already had a prior relationship with, or they currently have a little thing for me... Can anyone give me a little insight on what I should do? Its kind of hard to listen to my girl/ex-girl, too... because she's changed her mind sooooo many times before..? Thanks ahead to anyone who can leave me a little bit...

    Last edited by magicraft5; Sep 19, 2007 at 09:04 PM.
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    5 Answers
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,475, Reputation: 5403
    Jobs & Parenting Expert

    Sep 19, 2007, 09:12 PM
    Good grief! She wants her cake and the plate of cookies and the chocolate fudge and the apple pie too. Apparently you're good enough to keep around until something better comes along.

    Run. Run like the wind.
    reikigrl's Avatar
    reikigrl Posts: 2, Reputation: 2
    New Member

    Sep 19, 2007, 09:15 PM
    I am sorry you are in this situation. Usually people know the answers to things like this in their hearts. If she is saying this to you, she probably is thinking she will find something better. That does not mean that she doesn't love you, it means she probably can't love you. Maybe she beilieves that she will have a relationship that doesn't involve that type of pain and heartache, and maybe she will. She sounds insecure.
    It sounds like she gets outbursts and then blames you for the fact that she feels so bad, yet she can't bring herself to leave because she know that it is equally something inside of her that is causing the pain. Something she needs to change.
    If you don't think you can handle the situation, pack yourself up and move on, you will probably find someone who does love you. Just take care of your needs first.
    mckenzie134's Avatar
    mckenzie134 Posts: 647, Reputation: 67
    Senior Member

    Sep 19, 2007, 09:21 PM
    CUT it off that will give you your answer!!

    If she wants you she will let you know, if she lets you go then you know she really doesn't want you...

    One thing I am POSITIVE about is she DOES NOT LOVE YOU cause if she did she wouuld want you as a boyfriend, she wants you there till something better comes along if you can't see this YOU ARE BLIND!!

    If you want someone you have them if you don't you just drag them along VERY selfish but true...


    Get the answer your looking for Disappear... Don't let ger do this to you...
    Helpful (2)
    pauly7's Avatar
    pauly7 Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Nov 19, 2008, 10:08 AM

    I feel so bad for you, I've been dealing with almost the same situtation except she doesn't say I love you anymore. She has some sever mental illinesses (depression/anxiety/ possible bi-polar)and I always figured this was the reason she doesn't say I love you anymore. The more I think about it the more I seem realize why she could say it before but doesn't now. I love her so much. I'm sure your having a hard time accepting her way of what she thinks your relationship is and should be. She may just be using you till she feels something better comes along, not even sayign something better will come along, just some chicks seem to do this. I'm going to try this weekend to give mine an ultimatum this weekend and tell her "this is it, your either with me or against me on this and being against me will only make you lose out on something great". I think she will stand her ground and say "yea we need to split up and go are own ways" only because she has major commitment issues of her own. But she has tried to make things work over and over with me also so I don't know if in a few days after she dose realize she's lost something great and try to call me.
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
    Ultra Member

    Aug 23, 2009, 08:08 AM

    She's using you. I guess you figured that out. But she's doing it because you let her lead the relationship. You let her break up and get back together so many times that she has trained you to follow her lead and she knows it. All she has to do is call and you'll run. So she wants you there to get the sex and throw her problems on but when she starts screwing the next guy she can say, "Well I told you we weren't committed."

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