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    Is she rebounding? Or is she over me?

    Asked Nov 3, 2007, 06:10 AM — 50 Answers
    I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 year. 2months have passed with a decent amount of contact. That recently stopped and I started falling for her again. I professed my apology and love for her. I asked her to come back to me. To make things worse, she found someone already, started getting REALLY COLD, and now (after almost 3 months) she lives with them. I hear this may be a rebound. She says he treats her really well, better than I ever did. And he and I are completely different people.

    I talked to her today, for the first time in a little while and asked her her feelings. She finally told me that she still loves me and misses me, and would come back to me, but she was currently involved with someone. She doesn't mind being friends. She cried recently when she thought I was seeing a girl. She cried when I asked her if she missed me. We have periods of several days where we don't talk. For the most part, I initiate all contact now. She also told me she dreamed, last night, that I had died [might have to do with: I got injured and was in the hospital a week ago for surgery/might mean I'm dead to her]. She said she was 'sad and hurt'

    I feel like she's trying to make the new guy work. And it would only end if HE ended it.

    Has she/is she:
    Getting over me
    Rebounding
    Moved/moving on
    Accepting I'm gone
    Still in love with me and wants to come back
    Leaving me as a future option
    ??

    My friends say give it time. I could use some advice. I still amcrazy about this one...

    Last edited by ryaninvegas; Nov 3, 2007 at 10:02 PM.
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    excello98's Avatar
    excello98 Posts: 18, Reputation: 1
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    #2

    Nov 3, 2007, 07:20 AM
    Was there any reason for the break in the first place? I think giving it time is a good idea - stay in touch with her, but don't be too needy. Maybe limit yourself to initiating contact only once or twice a week.

    Do you really want her back? I mean, would you have second thoughts if she called you right now and said "I've broken up with him, I'm coming over", because you don't want to ruin things again.

    Just remember that the ball is in her court. I know it's hard but there's really nothing you can do to 'force' her to change her current arrangements. Give it time, but make sure you don't ruin whatever friendship you have left. Keep in mind that at some point you might just have to move on.
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    Diamondstar03's Avatar
    Diamondstar03 Posts: 83, Reputation: 5
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    #3

    Nov 3, 2007, 09:18 AM
    ryaninvegas
    is she rebounding? Or is she over me?
    I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 year. 2months have passed with a decent amount of contact. That recently stopped and I started falling for her again. I professed my apology and love for her. I asked her to come back to me. To make things worse, she found someone already, started getting REALLY COLD, and now (after almost 3 months) she lives with them. I hear this may be a rebound. She says he treats her really well, better than I ever did. And he and I are completely different people.

    I talked to her today, for the first time in a little while and asked her her feelings. She finally told me that she still loves me and misses me, and would come back to me, but she was currently involved with someone. She doesn't mind being friends. She cried recently when she thought I was seeing a girl. She cried when I asked her if she missed me. We have periods of several days where we don't talk. For the most part, I initiate all contact now. She also told me she dreamed, last night, that I had died [might have to do with: I got injured and was in the hospital a week ago for surgery/might mean I'm dead to her]. She said she was 'sad and hurt'

    I feel like she's trying to make the new guy work. And it would only end if HE ended it.

    Has she/is she:
    Getting over me
    Rebounding
    Moved/moving on
    Accepting I'm gone
    Still in love with me and wants to come back
    Leaving me as a future option
    ??

    My friends say give it time. I could use some advice. I still amcrazy about this one...
    Reply With Quote
    I know exactly how you feel, I am in the same situation almost exactly. I am still hurting over it all. I am sorry you are dealing with the same thing. All I can say is NC is the only thing you can do. I won't even talk to mine anymore. She has been cruel and mean. I don't even know who she is anymore. I am not sure what will go on in the future, but I will not have any communication with her until she comes around. And even then, I am not sure I can get over how she has done things. It will be intresting if it ever happens. But I can't wait for it, I am living my life the best I can, I hope I will get over this enough to really like myself once again. Goodluck, use NC and hope for the best. I have been... Not sure it will make a difference since mine has been 3 1/2 months. Hope yours works out better than mine has.
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    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,473, Reputation: 760
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    #4

    Nov 3, 2007, 09:23 AM
    It sounds like she's probably rebounding. Either way it doesn't sound like a very healthy situation right now. I'd back off so that both of you have a chance to get your heads cleared out and decide what you really want. If she's going to hang on to this guy as a security blanket then I really don't think there's much hope for you.
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    ryaninvegas's Avatar
    ryaninvegas Posts: 50, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Nov 3, 2007, 10:39 AM
    I asked her if she loved him. She said she never thought about that. Thst she loved things about him. -but for her to already live with him? That's like in my face! I will do no contact. But shouldn't I stand up for rmyself with something like:
    You told me don't read into things; that I was blowing you new relationship out of proportion. I told you you could come back to me. But you haven't come an inch. In fact, now you've as far as to live with the guy.
    I'm not going to sit here and wait while you weigh your options. Your making a fool of me. I have more pride and self respect than that.
    --like I said I'm still crazy about this girl.
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    enigmagnetic's Avatar
    enigmagnetic Posts: 333, Reputation: 45
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    #6

    Nov 3, 2007, 10:49 AM
    She's playing you like a violin. She is sleeping with some other guy and sits there on the phone and cries about how she misses you? I would guess the latter part is complete BS. Give YOURSELF time. Not the relationship. How could she miss you if you are constantly trying to get a hold of her. Man she must feel pretty desirable right now, even though really in my eyes she is the complete opposite. It's probable that she probably talks crap about you to her new man. Dude women can turn on the tears like a faucet. They are emotionally on a superior level then us men. You got to get away and, also, build a new life. You have to do it for yourself.
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    serena6878's Avatar
    serena6878 Posts: 94, Reputation: 10
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    #7

    Nov 3, 2007, 10:58 AM
    Ask yourself whether you love her. Do you know what love is. Even though you heard she said,"I love you", do you know that she loves you?
    You didn't advices from others. Life is not a game. But if it is a game, it is destined to be a long and painful one. Love means marriage, and once people enter its altar, they should know they have already picked the most beautiful shell on the sand in this life and in next life.
    Could you? If you are certain of your love, tell her, "I want you to be my wife. And you don't have other choices!"
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    enigmagnetic's Avatar
    enigmagnetic Posts: 333, Reputation: 45
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    #8

    Nov 3, 2007, 11:01 AM
    Serena, your post is confusing. So are you telling him to ask her to marry him? I'll tell you what love does not mean marriage. Some people purely marry for money. That's a bit of naïveté if you ask me.
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    melisskah's Avatar
    melisskah Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #9

    Nov 3, 2007, 11:19 AM
    I agree with 'enigmagnectic', she's playing you like a violin...

    'she finally told me that she still loves me and misses me, and would come back to me, but she was currently involved with someone'

    ^ if she loved and missed you, she would have left the other dude by now... dont you think

    cut contacts with her, if she really loved you then maybe she will miss you and come back... (but don't count on it, sorry)

    I'm sure you're a nice guy, you don't need someone who's going to treat you like and make you hang around waiting like a lap dog until she's ready to decide when she wants to get back with you... dont you think you're worth more than that?
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    serena6878's Avatar
    serena6878 Posts: 94, Reputation: 10
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    #10

    Nov 3, 2007, 11:30 AM
    If someone thinks marriage is an access to getting money, she also has to sacrifice her dignity, happiness and future. To decide to marry a person, whatever the percentage of true love is, she or he had loved.
    If people are very clever in a relationship, where can we find love? You must risk willingly with the knowledge that I could be deceived, but I would like to be deceived by the person I love. If you are not obstinate for a person, don't say you love her.
    "If she really loves me, she would miss me and come back to me." Are you a man who would like to take the responsibility for a woman to care her a whole life? Cowardice!
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    LivingtheLifeinFLA's Avatar
    LivingtheLifeinFLA Posts: 137, Reputation: 29
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    #11

    Nov 3, 2007, 11:46 AM
    Ryan,

    How long has she known this guy that she is with now? I have seen it time and time again where they have the next guy lined up before they breakup with the current guy.

    Guys get pissed and breakup. Women plan it for months, some start fights so that the guy ends up doing the dirty work of breaking up.

    Whay happened in your situation and how long has she known this guy?
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    ryaninvegas's Avatar
    ryaninvegas Posts: 50, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Nov 3, 2007, 09:57 PM
    I broke up with her because she was always asking me to have her move in with me. I felt suffocated at the time. I always wanted to end up with the girl but I simply wasn't ready for that type of commitment so soon. I was transitioning to a new job in a new city and trying to start a new life for us. But I was taking the steps to be ready for her. I think I was the smarter one about making a successful relationship but she was so persistent. She also got to know my friends and family so well from the get go that I felt invaded in a sense. Like I was getting locked down. I think I was smart...
    I broke it up because I needed time to sort things out with the idea we would come back together shortly after. She was devastated and begged me to reconsider. I was cold and didn't give in. a month went by and we still talked. Then she started to disappear. She suddenly wasn't responding and wasn't making time for me anymore. This was the end of the relationship as far as I was concerned. I realized that I really missed her and cared for her. I started asking for her to come back. Then I found out she was starting to see someone. This doubled my efforts to get her back.
    I groveled and professed my love. I groveled in every sense of the word people. I told her everything, too much and apologized for everything. Suddenly I was "really bad to her" and our history was replaced with nothing but negative moments. She interpreted EVERYTHING negatively. I was lost in all of the miscommunication. She says I'm crazy, bipolar, freaking her out, insane even... hurtful words to hear from someone that I'm saying 'i love you' to. She felt/feels like a completely different person. When I mention I was going to move on and was seeing other girls, she wrote me saying she was upset AND she said I was the only one she EVER wanted to marry and have kids with. I told her I didn't want to see anyone but her. But if she wasn't interested in me and was going to move on, so was I. today (original post date), I spoke with her and we shared some laughs and basically got along. I asked her point blank, some black & white questions. She basically told me that she loved me, missed me, would reconcile with me and would be with me BUT she's very happy with her current relationship. I found out that she's been living with him for 1 month I think. That's only about 6 weeks after we broke up. I guess the warning signs were there but what kind of girl does this. I can only hope that this is a rebound and it will probably fail. She's a clinger huh? I should run huh? Is it a rebound? She's just looking for a place to hang her hat...
    I'm still consumed with her...
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    atmisk's Avatar
    atmisk Posts: 28, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Nov 4, 2007, 09:19 AM
    Move on buddy

    If she really loved u like melisskah said before she would have gotten back together with you

    Its time to start over

    Do NC and start healing maybe one day u might even find a better girlfriend that understands what u really want and like
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    ryaninvegas's Avatar
    ryaninvegas Posts: 50, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Nov 4, 2007, 09:54 AM
    I know NC fine but should I stand up for myself and say I'm not going to be waiting around? I'm not going to be her second option...
    Shouldn't I look strong, saying NO to her? Then go NC. Otherwise I look cheap and available!!
    Or just NC?
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    Sad Soul's Avatar
    Sad Soul Posts: 177, Reputation: 40
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    #15

    Nov 4, 2007, 10:00 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ryaninvegas
    i asked her if she loved him. she said she never thought about that. thst she loved things about him. -but for her to already live with him? thats like in my face! i will do no contact. but shouldnt i stand up fo rmyself with something like:
    you told me dont read into things; that i was blowing you new relationship out of proportion. i told you you could come back to me. but you havent come an inch. infact, now youve as far as to live with the guy.
    im not going to sit here and wait while you weigh your options. your making a fool of me. i have more pride and self respect than that.
    --like i said im still crazy about this girl.
    She's not seeing clearly because she's not mature yet. The best way that you can give her a real lesson, and for her to be a big girl, is for you to step out of her life. Stop spoon feeding her your love, and show her that if she's not going to take the great love you have to offer, your ship is sailing.

    Don't be mean to her, but seriously cut all communication. You don't want to get confrontational, as you have outlined above, because the last impression is the one that will stay in her mind, and will give her something to think about. So you don't want her left with the thought that you are an a^^hole. Eventually, she will either come to you crying for love, or she will come to you angry for not communicating. And in either case, she will be the one chasing you, and that's when it is "okay" for you to confess that you want to try again.

    Give her a chance to see for herself. And if she doesn't come around, then you at least have a headstart in distancing your mind and heart from her.
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    ryaninvegas's Avatar
    ryaninvegas Posts: 50, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Nov 5, 2007, 10:07 AM
    I think we left this on a good note but %#$@!!
    I broke up with her for two months, she finds someone new, now stays with him, complains I was bad to her/hurt her, but says she would still still come back to me; "you know i would" she says. She's cheapened everything about us! I want to yell at her for doing this! Can girls that say they love u, want to marry u, have kids with you do this after 2 months of separation?! Shame on her! NC is one thing but she embarrasses and taints us both. Is this a common occurrence? --meanwhile I look like a jacka$$ that's willing to wait!
    She's hurt me more than I could ever have hurt her!!
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    enigmagnetic's Avatar
    enigmagnetic Posts: 333, Reputation: 45
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    #17

    Nov 5, 2007, 03:47 PM
    Is it common? Yes. Does it make a difference the first time you realize it. No. Don't worry my friend. Lessons are learned best when you make mistakes.
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    jolienoire's Avatar
    jolienoire Posts: 917, Reputation: 166
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    #18

    Nov 7, 2007, 10:17 AM
    Well my opinion is that she is trying to keep you open as an option in case it don't work out with this guy, and even if she is totally not happy with this guy she can't tell you that, she doesn't want you to know that maybe it was a mistake breaking it off with you. Her crying because of the thought of you being with someone else is complete childish, it's that I don't want you love but no one else can have you. She remains in contact with you and I bet you probably won't date because you want her back, this is what she wants. As long as you are in contact with her you will be keeping your door open for her to come back. But let's say she leaves this guy and come back to you, at this point you may not even want her.. Then may end up breaking up with her.

    I truly feel that you should move on and date and not wait for her. She didn't wait for you and at this point, I don't think she is truly happy if she is contacting you. I understand that you love her, and it will be hard but you need to live life! As she is living her life, and I think the healthist thing right now is to mimize contact with her.
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    ryaninvegas's Avatar
    ryaninvegas Posts: 50, Reputation: 1
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    #19

    Nov 7, 2007, 12:29 PM
    So originally I called her a bunch and groveled to her. Told her I loved her and would do anything. She found someone new and I think he's a rebound but she treats it like she can't break up with anyne because that would hurt them... She says he really makes her happy. Well I wrote a goodbye letter to her, similar to the one she sends me (below)... I finally decided to tell her that I'm starting to see some girls. That since she was no longer interested in me I had no choice but to go out and meet some new people. I told her that there was one that seemed nice and treated me well. But, not to worry, we were just hanging out and don't read into things... (the same verbage she used on me 1 month ago). I told her that at least we could be friends. Well she ended up crying at work and emailed me later that night. Could anyone please interpret this email please?? She cried about it and wanted to to know "who" was introducing me...

    [I]''''her email titled "good luck to you"
    I called your phone a few hours ago and it had nothing to do with you being with another girl. I knew you weren't going to answer your phone, but that was the last time you are going to see my cell number pop up on your cell. I really wish you answered, but I'm sure you got the crazy voice mail from Optomus Prime. I wanted to end off on a funny note.

    I have to be completely honest with you; I can't be your friend...at least not right now. I'm not ready for that. I'm glad you are going out with girls and dating, but I really don't want to hear about it. You were the one I wanted to marry and have babies with (you have been the only one that I have felt that way about...EVER!) I really don't want to hear about how you are moving on, hents why I don't like to tell you whats going on in my life. Its not easy to hear therefore I don't want to share it with you. (I never wanted to say anything that would make you sad or cry) I have to admit you made me cry today at work. I had to leave my desk and one of the attorneys followed me outside and asked if I was alright. That's great you are dating a few girls, but you know that I fell hard for you and then you were gone and I was dealing with it alone. I'm in no way asking you to wait for me, I would never ask that of you, but please don't think I am jaded or an unforgiving person. You know I tried very hard to keep US together. The relationship I am in right now made me realize I shouldn't have to work to make the relationship work...and it really makes me sad about you and me. But then again the hard work was worth the year we were together. You know you had my heart and yes you will always have a piece of it. It has been bruised and scared, but I am now looking at them as a learning experience.

    I hope nothing but the best for you in life and your career...I have always felt that way. You know I have love for you and that will not change, but I'm not in the situation to be in love with you. I hope this does not upset you in any way...

    '''
    [/I]IS SHE CONFUSED?? OR IS HER MIND MADE UP? SHE WAS CRAZY ABOUT ME - I BROKE UP WITH HER
    ****
    Since then...

    I'm doing nc for 5 days now and it driving me crazy. I know everyone supports nc her but, by everyone's responses, it seems as though it's only to never talk to them again... I want her to come back. I know she has to make the effort... our communication has really dwindled down to AOL IM. I recently blocked her so she can't see me no more. Leaving her wondering... but is that too much? Should I pop up available? I'm really distraught guys. Need some help. She has cried when I ask if she misses me and I know I'm still in her head. This girl was CRAZY about me before I broke up with her


    Is there any hope after acting so needy? Our last conversation was on the cheerier side (we shared some laughs) but I did ask her a bunch of needy questions. I have since gone nc:
    Me(11:23:46 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) do you still wish we worked out?
    Her(11:24:32 AM): yes
    Me(11:28:26 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you ever still be interested in coming back?
    Her(11:29:59 AM): yes, but I don't know if that would happen
    Her(11:30:06 AM): me not being with him
    Her(11:30:13 AM): and Im not asking you to wait
    Me(1:33:50 PM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) do you still miss us
    Her(1:36:12 PM): Im not going to lie to you
    Her(1:36:15 PM): yes I miss you
    Her(1:36:25 PM): but I am really happy with where I am at
    Me(1:36:47 PM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you want to reconcile us?
    Her(1:37:24 PM): I would, but I cant
    Meassuming you wernt with your guy) would you come back to me?
    Her:I already answered that
    Her: you know I would

    I feel so low. I might have well put a gun to her head. Is she just bs'ing me?
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    jolienoire's Avatar
    jolienoire Posts: 917, Reputation: 166
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    #20

    Nov 7, 2007, 12:41 PM
    If you don't mind me asking because I am a bit confused why did you break up with her?
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