Ok so my girl left me about a 1 1/2 months ago.
She said she couldn't handle being with me any more because I was too unemotional.
So anyway we had a few fights even after the break up, ending in leave me alone forever but we kept going back to each other. And she started seeing someone else, but then she came like a week after and I was able to mess around with her.(Make out) Then she actually got back together with me but woke up the next day avoiding me saying she couldn't do it. We didn't see each other for a while again and when she showed up at my apt. once more she cried again and I was able to kiss her again, but then I kept saying I know I can get to do stuff with you if I want so why won't you just come back and stop cheating on who your're talking to.(Shes not the type to cheat at all) so I'm sure she is still very connected to me, and refuses to go away and wants to stay friends.
So I bought her some flowers and a teddy bear the other day and she said she loves me again but this time I was unable to make out with her, she wouldn't let me at all.
She wasn't very happy when I wouldn't hug her goodbye though. She's mentioned she wants to come back but her mind won't let her.
So I'm really confused, because I know when girls don't want you anymore, it's clear they don't.
I told her we would work things out, and that I'll be here for her and all. She said she wanted to marry me when we were still together.
So what does this mean.
I asked her if she wants to stop loving me she wouldn't answer me, when I said she I don't think she really loves me she got mad, and she wouldn't say if she just loves me as a friend now.
Oh and she has sworn not to do anything with the other guy, and gets mad when I say I don't believe her. One thing I know is she's very bad when it comes to lying to me so she can't. And I have also confirmed with her friends who would not defend her on this situation especially since they thinks she's wrong for all this.

Any help on what to do to get her back would help or opinions on the whole issue.

People usually get angry when they feel "cornered." I think her getting angry when you ask if she loves you shows that she doesn't feel like you deserve an answer.

I'm sure she likes the attention of someone telling her all the time he loves her and will be there for her, but she doesn't act like she values that.

I think she is treating you very badly and you deserve someone who will give you clear answers (they can talk the talk AND walk the walk).

The best way to help yourself: Ignore her.
The best way to help her grow up: Ignore her.

You still know her phone number, but if you change yours, she can't manipulate you via text or phone anymore. Take a time out for yourself. Get some rest. (things like these rob you of your sleep) Hang out with family and friends who care for you.

If you still want her back after a few weeks of "rehab", you can call her on your time. Don't let her tell you when to dance. It's your show. ;)

Thanks for the response. It makes perfect sense what your saying.
I'm just stuck on trying to understand her even thought it's impossible, and I feel a little guilty for what happened though I know I wasn't bad enough to deserve the treatment I'm getting. She is also very weak when it comes to me so I don't want her to feel pushed away when I'm not trying to.
She went from saying she won't get back with me at all to I don't know if I will.
I'm really not sure what to do if she does come back.
She asked me if I have slept with anyone after she left me and seemed very scared of what my answer would be.. So I played it off for a little bit and asked her how it felt because she played those games with me too. And she said it hurts, so I just let her know I haven't. She says she hasn't and won't so I think she's doing that to save herself for me.
She knows if she did then I won't think about it, I'll just never want to see her again.
What I don't get is why she won't be with me if she loves me so much...

You sound like a bully, so how old are you too??

Yeah, if you're making excuses for behavior like "well, it's only fair cos she did it to me" then it is over. You both already hate each other.

These are childish games and neither of you are ready for marriage. If it's over then let it go, making each other feel guilty for trying to move on is petty.

If she is still seeing that other person, then your chances of getting her back are very small.

I would do as others suggest and ignore her for a bit and try to make things right with yourself.

She needs to do the same.. although she won't being with this other guy.

It sounds to me like she is already moving on with this dude and keeping you close because she is comfortable with you and is not sure where this thing with this other guy is going.

After taking time off for yourself, you have to ask yourself, could you be friends with a girl you love KNOWING she doesn't feel the same way about you?

Can you be friends with a girl who YOU want to be with when she is dating others and DOESN'T want to be with you in a exclusive relationship?

These are questions you have to ask yourself before you can go on with any "friend" type relationship with this girl. If you answer NO to either one, you will just end up putting yourself through a world of hurt, especially when you find out that in fact she did move on with another and got intimate with them and whatever.

My opinion of the situation (although I don't know you or the girl) is that you and her cannot handle seeing each other right now and are needlessly inflicting emotional pain for BOTH of you.

My suggestion is to not see each other for a bit. Take time off and maybe rekindle a friendship later down the road (months maybe years), IF you still want her in your life at that point. Do not take this advice as false hope for you two being together in the future because that rarely happens.

Only do this if you know you have moved on from her. If you have not you'll be back at square one again. Most people cannot be friends with their ex's, but everyone's situation is different. YOU only know your situation, and should use the advice given to you here as a guide to make you OWN choices based on the mistakes and situations of the others on this board. There are a lot of smart people here, who know there stuff and can really help.

What makes you think I'm a bully no I'm not a bully.
And no I'm not ready for marriage I know that, it's obviously dillusional on her part too. I only held off on the answer for a little bit because it was the only thing I could use to tell if I should just not care anymore.(I only held off for about 2 min)
Basically, I am already avoiding contact, I've told her not to come back until she's clear on what she wants, and I explained that we probably can't be friends, because really if what she left me for was the reason then we can't be friends even if we want, there will be nothing to say or do.

So anyway, I hear she's still battling it out.
I'm already talking to someone but I feel wrong because it doesn't mean anything, but it will help deal with all this.
I'll respect her as long as she does me.

Thanks for the help.
I'll ask more questions when she behaves differentlly.

How about letting her get her act together without your influence at all. That way you both can have a chance to cope with your feelings, and stop confusing each other.

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do now. She keeps trying to be around me and talk to me though.
But OK, I'll make sure of it..

Ok so I had read this
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-224886.html

And it kind of the same to my situation only he got the ring back. My ex will not let go of the bracelet I gave her in the same symbolic reasons. Oh and her friend tells me she was going to break up with whoever she was talking to, but I've been trying to stay away so I don't know to what extent that is true and under what circumstances..

I'm getting over it slowly, better on some days than others. I'm much stronger now. I did tell her I was moving on though, she hasn't said nothing back to me.

That's a good thing.

Good thing in the fact that she won't give back the bracelet or that she's breaking up with him? Apparently she hasn't. I'm trying to move on, she may love me and all that but I don't think I want her back after all this, as bad as it hurts. Last we spoke she talked about how she would rather I don't fall in love with someone else and that she did not really care for who she's with(dumb). What the hell does that mean? Anyway, I don't want to play the games. I'm trying to be done with her, probably talking to her friend is not helping. It's kind of hard to meet people with my school and work lifestyle. Plus it's a boring city nothing much to do.
I did meet some chic at hooters though and she was so beautiful but explain to me how the hell you attract a waitress at hooters. I mean everyone's trying to get with her.

All I can say is No Contact !

The good thing is she is leaving you alone.

True but one more thing. Since I may have set myself up for a breakup and though I was working on what she needed me to work on but not to her desired level, should I take her back if she comes back? Would I be an idiot to forgive her? I've noticed quite a few women do this and some come back. I know she doesn't quite know what she wants, she said she wasn't happy, she wants to come back but her mind won't let her.

You didn't set yourself up for the break-up. Don't think like that. She did it so see this other guy. Don't forgive her and don't take her back. I am going through the same thing with my ex right now. She hooked up with a dude where she was taking an internship at. Can I forgive her right now, NO! Do I still love her, YES! Would I take her back, NOT RIGHT NOW... maybe never. The point is, don't be a doormat and don't put your life on hold. She knows you still care... she probably still cares about you, but that doesn't mean you sacrifice YOUR dignity and self-respect by being a doormat for a woman who doesn't feel that same way about you as you do for her.


Take time for yourself and move forward... don't dwell in the past and hope to reconcile with someone who left you for someone else. Chances are it won't happen and you will be left with more pain.

Hi people it's been a while. First of all I must say I've been great. A lot of good things have happened lately, thanks to some of y'alls help. :) I really feel good about myself and how things are going. Well back to the subject of the X. Well I stuck to NC for a while, like 3 weeks. And as the fourth was ending I took a shot at getting my bracelet back so I sent a friend to get it for me so I can maintain NC and live my life. I had completely let go and was fine with it. But then the mutual friend came back and said she will not let go of it. So I didn't want to argue again so I did not raise the issue for a while. Then I was bored at work so I just sent her a text. I said, I don't get it, you left, you're happy, I'm happy life is great. What's the problem with the bracelet. It means something to me and you know it please just hand it back and we stay apart.
Then yeah, she started arguing and cussing. But I did not respond, I just said, we're through all this, I don't want to fight please just give it to someone and let it end. So she said she'll give it to me herself. And insisted on seeing me in person. The next day she sent a text saying can we at least be friends.
So we're talking now. She said I was right about most of the things I said, and she was sorry for messing things up. Of course I had to explain a few things. Of late she's been trying to be nice so we can get along. I told her about the exciting things going on. She wants to come to the dragstrip with me tomorrow and spend the night if she can. Well as far as I know she still has a boyfriend, and when I said since we'll be coming back late, you may have to spend the night, she said she has to find out with her parents. No boyfriend has been mentioned yet.
I'm so confused. On one hand I think she's stringing me along, on the other she wants me to be a friend or trying to get back together. I don't know. As long as she's sorry and doesn't think I'm the person she left, and she's grown up, I'll forgive her, I told her I'm not taking her back, or at least not yet. But if we come to a level ground where we finally understand each other, I have no problem taking her back. I just read a great article on here about being friendly and being a friend but I can't find it, I wanted to post there, but it's an old one. Plus we've talked so much and she's been busy though but been trying to come over, at times when I don't think anyone as a boyfriend would like the idea. I know this may all sound like I'm really stupid but seriously the whole relationship thing is not my playing ground.
How should I act when she comes over. I was going to tell her about all these things, I told her, it's been really great that she broke up with me, I'm seeing things I did not see, and it's good for her too, so she can see some stuff that I knew herself, and she agreed to that part.

So what do you guys thinks is going on?








Does this make me seem like I'm not over her? I'm pretty sure it makes me look really stupid. But I'm not, I just accept people as humans and prone to error and mistakes, so I take them as they are.. I guess that's why they won't leave me alone..

Oh, she said she would come the day after (a week ago) to give me the bracelet. And said I want it back so she will give it back because she did go back on the promise. But she hasn't yet. She says she's been busy and I've said we're cool just give it to someone or drop in for just 5min. And give it back but she hasn't. Keeps saying wait for the weekend (tomorrow).
Not sure if this is relevant.

Your not the one for her.. point. Blank. Period, my ex and I been off and on for a while now and I really do love him and I do want to be with him but deep down and side he's not the one, He tries to kiss me I want let him, I only chill with him if I'm lonely or something. And it kills me inside to do this to him.. But back to U.. Your like her lifeboat, so if her ship sinks she knows she could find love in you, pretty pathetic huh but that's how most women think. See because I know I can go to my ex and he'll leave any female he's with!! You need to move on and let her find herself where she really wants to be. We are all looking for that one and her actions seems like mine... meaning that she doesn't really think you're the one she's looking for more, Cus when a women find that man of their dreams, we would'nt want to be with anyone else. Just let go!!