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Confussed125 · Aug 1, 2012, 10:05 AM

I met a woman 2 months ago out of chance... She has everything I've looked for since my divorce 6 years ago. She's intelligent, attractive and we have so many interests in common it's scary. Since we've met we spend a lot of our time on the weekends together. We just hit it off immediately. We get along with the each others kids and my daughter really likes her. We go for walks in the evenings alone and talk about what we want out of life. And it seems like we're headed in the same direction.
The problem is when I kiss her she doesn't meet me half-way. When I hold her hand she may or may not reach for mine. I asked her why that was the other day and she said that every time she'd had something start feeling right in her life, she'd ran and screwed it up.. She gets afraid when it starts feeling too good. But she's texted me before that she misses me and wants me too hurry back??
I guess I need some clarity, am I being led on by a commitmentphobic? I've backed away too let her have space, when I do she'll call and we talk 3-5 times a day about what's going on??

C0bra_M3nace · Aug 1, 2012, 10:13 AM

Sounds like you do have a "commitmentphobic" on your hands. Sadly, there's really nothing you can do about it. People are usually this way by character, molded by the past and hardened by experiences and will most likely stay this way until proven wrong. The question is, will she stick around long enough to get proven wrong. That's the tricky part, all you can do is stay, continue to show her you care and let the pieces either fall in place or fall off the table.

Confussed125 · Aug 1, 2012, 11:07 AM

Thanks that was what I was kind of thinking.. Should I back off totally and let her have her space and see if she realizes that she misses me more than she knows.. Or she doesn't? I'm in no hurry for a commitment but I don't want to go down a dead end road either just too wake up at the end and figure these things out?? I'm going to hang it out for awhile longer and show her unconditional affection and caring when we're together but I can't put a timeline on how I feel for her and how much I'm starting too care..

talaniman · Aug 1, 2012, 11:17 AM

Dude nothing is written in stone, and after only a few month, neither of you knows where things will lead or turn out.Its just too early and at this stage so just date and have fun and not worry about anything else. Relax, and play no games.

You want clarity, then have patience and see if the potential is justified. That takes time. What's the hurry? Let her get as comfortable as you seem to be. She has told you she has reasons not to rush things, so don't.

Have fun, and pay attention before you get carried away because she is everything you ever wanted... after you divorce.

Confussed125 · Aug 1, 2012, 11:58 AM

Thanks, it starts to play on you're self-esteem after awhile. When you are the one doing all the giving, but from what I've seen so far she is worth the wait no matter how long it may take??
Better to have loved and lost than not tried at all and always wondered...

mmresd · Aug 1, 2012, 12:33 PM

You need to balance the push and pull. If you do all the pushing, then she is going to pull away, do a little more pulling and you should see her coming closer to you. If she doesn't, then maybe it is time to move on, she might have lost interest at some point in the relationship. Remember that sometimes, girls are just not as clingy and affectionate as you might want them to be, regardless of how much they may like you.

Confussed125 · Aug 1, 2012, 01:03 PM

Sometimes I just get the feeling that she's got so much on her plate that she may not have time for a relationship. The distance makes my mind jump to coclusions that I really don't want to think about just yet, but I don't think I can be blind to the facts either. I think if I ask her these questions up front I think it would push her away so far she would never come back??

talaniman · Aug 2, 2012, 03:35 PM

So why are you just focusing on her potential, and dating just her, or pushing at all. Maybe the key is stop making courting her and finding out what she is about, such a high priority, and have other things, and people to have fun with. Maybe you have other options and opportunities that are better, or less stressful.

At least a distraction would stop you from thinking so much about one thing.