Hello, My Names Richard and I live in the UK. I'm 22 years old.

I have an issue regarding my nextdoor neighbour. She's about 23-24. I have been living next door to this girl for over ten years. I live in a flat/appartment and she's right next door. Over the years she has been living next door to me we have chatted a few times and I know that she likes me because of how she behaved with friends when I bumped into her and also little looks she gives me when I see her. She is quite softly spoken and shy and would most probably expect the guy to chase her because she's that type of girl.

Our bedrooms are adjacent to one another and in the past we used to send little messages through the wall to each other to let each other know we we're there. I loved the fact that she was there with me and was thinking about me but because I was so shy I never followed up with how I felt about her and never asked her out or tried. This continued over some years. I'm really obsessed with her and there's not a day goes by that I don't think about her.


The problem is though I have social anxiety problems. I've had difficulties meeting new people and being in public places and since I left school I lost all my friends and was not in the right place to make new ones. The reason I use the past tense is because nowadays I don't have problems meeting new people. I have done a lot of work with myself. Had CBT therapy and counselling and I'm more confident now than I once ones. The anxiety I used to get was so strong it ruined my life and although I've changed inside my external life is about the same as ever. Its like a tornado has passed through my life destroying everything and I'm left to pick up the pieces. I stay in my room a lot of the time on the computer although I have been going to the gym a lot and have bulked up and got a nice physique. So I do have interests and things that I feel like I can share with other people now.

I'm ready to have a relationship now but I feel though that over the years she has got pissed off with me never taking the initiative with her. If only she knew how I felt over that time she would know how much pain I have been through and that I really like her and want to be with her. The thing is she dosen't know how I am. She knows very little about me and vise versa but it dosen't change the way I feel about the situation. I can't move on because of my circumstances. I'm always here. My mind constantly pulls me back into obsessing over her and my heart aches to be with her so strongly its just more pain to add to what I have already been through.

I wrote her a small note recently. I said that I would love to take her out sometime and I was really interested in talking to her, and I put my number. She has ignored me ever since and avoids answering the door to me when I tried explaining myself and the note. I have nothing but good intentions and just want her so badly to be part of my life because I have always liked her but my anxiety gets in the way at times. Let me please point out that I am not stalking her lol. Although maybe I am in my own head. I have only left her a note and tried to speak to her a few times since doing that, to explain myself.


I recently found out she is now seeing someone else and I'm really sad that I have lost her to another guy. I have tried bringing myself to speak to her many times over the years but my anxiety is always a massive barrier to expressing myself. I'm really angry with myself that I didn't speak to her sooner when she was interested in me but I just could not bring myself to do it in the past. It was to debilitating.

Now I am OK but she has a boyfriend it has made me so angry and frustrated. She's always felt like a sort of open door to me and suddenly that door has slam shut in my face. I find it so hard to accept that. Especially since she was interested in me at one time. And I didn't take the opportunity. It kills me. I go over and over it and I know this is not a good place for me to be. How do I make this better? I can't move away and I can't just forget about it. I can barely enjoy anything because of how I feel about her.

I think you need to not worry about her. You need to realize you only live once and get over your social problem people aren't mean. I had some social issues when I was younger and the worst people can do is say no, and just think f it. There's a billion people out there don't limit yourself to one person. Get out there and ask a bunch of people out!!

You're 22, your prime there's tons of girls who want to be with you don't ever think anything else.

But how can I forget about her. Its so hard

Whatever has changed accept it, and focus on other things, as this is bordering on obsession, and that's no good.

Leave her alone, and stay out of her business.

You think you're the only guy to ever miss an opportunity to get with someone? Your not.

Lol Yeah it sucks. Don't know how many of those guys live next door to the girl though :rolleyes:

Doesn't matter.:)

You had 1 chance so far and you blew it. It happens and you have to accept that if you plan to move on. You have to be rational with yourself and know that you were a different person back then and in your current state would not of let the opportunity slip by so easily. But facts are facts and there is nothing saying that she will be with this guy the rest of her life.

But for the time being keep focusing on yourself and realize how far you have come.

Good advice, you been in a similar position or just learnt well from others?