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littleme · Jul 23, 2009, 07:07 AM

My exboyfriend ,who is also my best friend, and I fooled around like a week ago(no sex though) and he admitted that he misses me phsyically.
After this happened, we didn't talk about it again although we'v been talking everyday as usual and I saw him around three times, not alone though...
On the physical level, I want it to happen again. The thing is though that he has a girlfriend whom I know and like... they aren't that much in love though
My first question is do you think it will happen again and that we will have actual sex? I think I want to because I am very attracted to him, although I don't want a relationship with him again... I am worried, that since he is a very decent guy usually, that he might control himself more in the future and not allow anything to happen...
My second question is that I sometimes feel jealouse around him and his girlfriend, althoug I repeat I don't want him back, he is my best friend after all... what to do? And don't tell me to stop talking to him, he's been my best friend for ages and I really enjoy his company...
Thanks :-)

kctiger · Jul 23, 2009, 07:21 AM

Are you asking whether it is all right for you to have casual sex with someone who is in a relationship? Did I read this correctly?

Put yourself in our shoes, read this post and ask yourself, "What adivce would I give someone who asks a question like this?"

If you answer yes, then I think it would speak to your low character and morals, so think carefully.

jjwoodhull · Jul 23, 2009, 07:28 AM

It is very rare to end up as best friends with an ex. You are lucky to have him in your life in that way. Do not do anything to jeopardize that. Having sex or continuing to fool around will definitely change your relationship, and one of you will end up losing respect for the other.

ALSO, he has a girlfriend. Where is your respect for her? Your hooking up with him is selfish and deceitful. How will you feel if/when she finds out? Your reputation will be effected and people will no longer trust you.

Distance yourself from him until you can see all of this clearly. You have way more to lose than you have to gain from this situation.

dreamingartist · Jul 23, 2009, 07:53 AM

I had sex with my EX after she got a new BF 2 months after we broke up. I was still single. I lost some respect for sleeping with her but I lost WAY more respect for her. She came off as being shady, no self esteem, a liar to her new BF who doesn't know, and also blew my trust away which was gone anyway cause if she can sleep with me and lie to him what else could she have done when we did date. All around no integrity. No guilt. No reservations about using men to gain what she wants. Basically trash :) Did I mention that after we had sex I was left with this feeling like.. what a slut.. (if that's even fair to say since I also was part of the sexual eqution - but I am single!) just really came off like a trashy move... so imagine how he will feel about you. Yes, he will enjoy it, sure... but he will also feel bad about himself for doing it.. and maybe bad about you too?

LJDK · Jul 23, 2009, 08:33 AM

Was in a similar experience Dreamingartist.
Had sex with an ex while she had a boyfriend. Must say, I did lose a whole lot of respect for her and myself after that.

Not the way to go.

Holly23 · Jul 23, 2009, 08:53 AM

I might be wrong but Im assuming your quite young,and your building a foundation of character for when your older and if you keep carrying on like this,well I think you see what Im getting at.

littleme · Jul 23, 2009, 11:57 AM

Actually I am 30 :-)...
I see all of your points... I don't usually condone or encouarge such behaviour maybe its because I am single that I still find him attractive... but you are right, I do not want to ruin the friendship and I do like his current girlfriend... but what if he tries something again, I know I won't be able to resist... and I repeat, he is not the sleazy type pf person who would cheat, I think it was just a one time thing that happened between us and that he sort of regrets it...

jjwoodhull · Jul 23, 2009, 12:41 PM

Originally Posted by littleme

but what if he tries something again, i know i wont be able to resist...

You are a 30 year old woman who knows right from wrong. Take responsiblility for yourself and your actions. Just don't do it.

I wish · Jul 23, 2009, 01:27 PM

So you want to help him become a cheater?

You know his girlfriend and you don't mind doing this to her? How do you think she would feel if she found out that you're helping him cheat?

If you can sleep at night, then we won't stop you. But you should strongly reconsider your morals and be prepared to face any consequences.

Torrid13 · Jul 23, 2009, 01:42 PM

You need to grow a backbone ASAP. You CAN control yourself if he tries to sleep with you. What if he was dating you, and he slept with his ex, how would you feel? I know you wouldn't be okay with it.

As far as being jealous over his new girlfriend, get over yourself. You two aren't dating anymore for a reason, and if you like her so much, then respect her enough to not sleep or even fantasize about sleeping with her man.

JEEBZ, what kind of question is this.

ajGambino · Jul 23, 2009, 04:24 PM

He has a girlfriend, nothing can happen. Even if he initiates, that doesn't make it okay. Case closed.

N0help4u · Jul 23, 2009, 04:45 PM

Your post is all about what "I" want.
Think about what is fair to his girlfriend.
You shouldn't even be kissing or messing around.
Would you like it if you were interested in a guy that you considered your boyfriend and some girl came along and had him kissing on her?

I don't see anything good coming of this if you do keep going on with this.
You need to restrain yourself-learn self control and do the right thing.

talaniman · Jul 23, 2009, 05:06 PM

Friends respect each other, cheaters cheat. Which are you??