My girlfriend (of a bit more then 7 consistent years) broke up with me on the drive home on Halloween saying that she just needed some space to be on her own and grow (she is 21 and I'm 22. (started at 13 and 15))

I broke down that night and became a complete puss... even threw up. We were both crying like crazy. She told me after I asked "whats wrong" for like 5 min. straight. I thought she was having a problem at home (we both live with our parents since we are students)... but was surprissed to hear this... she said she really didn't want to tell me.

She then left on a "last minute" trip to Halloween Horror nights with her brother, and female cousin.

We didn't talk till she came back on Sat. morning. I let her contact me... at which point I asked her to meet me for dinner "just as friends." I figured the best approach was to figure what she's thinking and be the "cool cat/guy" and leave emotions to the side. I picked her up and headed to the restaurant. We talked and I remanised on older times (about the times that were special and times that we made love/were/how/etc.) We had a great night and even kissed (although not a full on makeout, but rather a few soft kisses) a few times and again when I walked her to the door.

That night we agree:

That we both need room to grow and some space is pretty good... heck we've never known anything but each other... so some new found freedom is nice. We both agreed that this isn't a "lets go on the prowl thing" but neither is it a sure thing between us... although neither of us really are ready/want to start dating, but rather have some alone time. We both admit that we love each other and are still attracted to each other. We even talked about maybee taking a cruise together sometime.

That night was great. Felt like an AMAZING first date for both of us.

We didn't see each other on Sun. but I didn't contact her either. She text'd me during the day and I answered her back an hour or so after each text... like she'd ask "Hows your day going" and I wrote back, "I'm at the Colts/Pats game party" and she was home doing laundry, etc. etc.. We then talked at night cause my phone ran out of battery and I called when I got home (dumb, I know... but I wanted to ask for another date... something sweet and short), and I asked her if she wanted to go the mall with me to look for some new cloths (I'm not much into that... but I knew she is... )... She says that she'd love to come and wanted to get something for my mom as well (Her brithday was Nov. 2nd... so a late gift, but a gift). I ended up catching a cold from being out all and all the "not eating" that I'd been doing.


We don't talk all day Monday till I pick her up at 7:30pm (and I call at 7 to make sure we are still on). This date didn't go so well. I told her I had a surprise for her and that I'd be telling her tonight... so she asked me... and rite off the bat I asked her if she wanted to go on the cruise that I'm going on at the end of the month to the Bahamas. She seemed excited, but kind of put off when she kind of came to her senses and realised that we were just friends... so a trip alone with me... although sounded good to her, she just said that she wasn't sure.

So that put me into a "rejected/needy" kind of mood, and I already felt bad because of my cold... so I bought a colgn that I and she really liked (wore it on the dinner and she really liked it)... but when I asked her for a kiss she kind of felt uncomfortable again (I know, don't ask... take. But I was really feeling uncomfortable)

So, I said, it... I don't wan a fuking shirt! Lets go to Starbucks and get a coffee.

While we sit down and talk... things are getting REALLY nice again (kinda like on Sat.)... but I'm starting to get mushy again (like I did early in the night)... so I cut it short and say lets go. We then walk across the mall (its closing) to another bench, and sit and talk... its going really well... I got my composure again. And then we leave. In the car she asks me if I've gotten something to eat... and I said (just to go against her a bit)... I'm not hungry? Want to catch a movie? (DUMB. I should have kept it short... but we seem to be flowing again... I can't shake this "rejected" feel... although we've kissed a few times since then.) She agree's though and says "yea... if its not to late for you, I'd like to go too! I'll pay my own way though..." and I give her the "don't be stupid, I got you" speech. I know... I'm dumb.

So... we head to the movies and I just can't shake that feel... although I give the "cocky and funny" guy that she feel in love with. She looks at me like she wants to kiss me and I kiss her. It's a nice kiss... and I ask her "If you like kissing me so much, why don't you kiss me? You know you can't help yourself." She says that it just feels strange cause we are friends now (and she doesn't feel OK kissing someone who's not her b/f), but at the same time she/we still have those feelings... but need time to grow.

So we get our movie tickets... 30 days of Night. (Save your money... sucked big!) We start to talk again while we wait (1 hour) and talk about old times and making love and how great we both are at pleasing each other. Going great again. I bring up the cruise again, and tell her to think about it and let me know. She says she will... and I say... "You'll see.... by the end of the week you'll be begging me to take you... and cause your soo hot. I'll think about it. :D " Cocky and funny again. She likes it, and we laugh...

We get into the theater and we're the only one there... we cuddle and hold our faces close and keep talking. BUT ITS FREEZING and neither of us can stop shivering... Some other people show up and sit RIGHT behind us. The movie is a bit gross... and I'm feeling worse and worse (cold, and I haven't eaten yet... and its now 11pm)... we cuddle though and feel comfortable with each other.

By the time we leave, I feel like passing out and nausious. So... we get to the car, and I turn on the heater. I feel like... so she gets worried about me. I get to her house, and when I'm walking around to get her door... I can't help it... I feel like throwing up, gag a few times, but don't. By this time though she's by my side of the car and I can't stand right. So, I walk her to the door... we hug and she kisses me on the cheek and tells me to call when I get home. I call when I'm home, and say "sorry for the ty night" and she says "its ok, I know not every night can be perfect." I then get all "pussified" and notice this so... I get my "act together" and then say... hey, what the hell. We are both still getting used to this. We talk and have some fun, then she tells me that she loves me and I say goodnight.


I'm a bit lost. I know I need my time to grow... and so does she... but I love her and really want us to slowly get back together. I felt like I was in control after Sat. night's dinner (kinda like... we'll get together again when we BOTH feel it's a good idea)... but I felt like I lost control tonight. (<---- basically like a "please take me back")

So today she sends me some "Have faith" "God bless you in your hard times" emails... and we've been writing back and forth all day.

I don't know if I should go for the "No contact" or keep being friends and slowly get back together. I want the relationship back, but just for a more relaxed one.


I'm a bit lost... can you help me out?

Thanks,

Jorgy

Jorgy, that was a great post and you know what I think. Just let it be. You two have been together so long, and so intense. This girl knows what she is doing and I think you should just trust her judgment. It will come back more relaxed and more real then you could ever believe for the both of you. Just stay in touch, don't pressure her for sure. Good luck.

Sorry about the length... but I figured I had to really explain since not all situations are the same... LOL

Anybody else?. BUMP

This is very hard for both of you and she has shown you what she's made of. She is thinking of you as much as herself. Remember the 2 of you lost (ain't coming back) a big chunk of 7 critical years which we all need in order to go the distance. She now wants the 2 of you to try and pick-up some of that experience and that includes all the little things you may not be aware of.

You were right for each other and at this time in your lives the pole is being raised thanks to her and you'll both gain from that. Be smart and accept the challenge and all that goes with it. You will thank her.

But how should I deal with this? What is best for my personal growth and for our relationship?

Friends with contact, when she calls, a little contact once or twice a week initiated by her only (ex. I don't pick up all the time), or no contact?


Thanks,


Jorgy

Bump

I feel for you buddy. Its hard but in time it will get better. If you want to read my first post you will see that I am living proof that it does get better. But it takes time and a lot of effort. You should now try as best you can to move on and leave her alone.
I bet you won't be bale to but the moment you realise its over and isn't ever going to be again the better you'll get.

No contact. Move on! Its hard but all you have now.

She isn't coming back so don't think anything you can say or do will bring her back!

I don't get what you mean... what first post?

My first question here explains my situation. My ex girlfriend left me after 7 years. Its tough but I got over it. You will too!

I looked, but your first question has to do with the afterlife/next life.

Not sure where you got that from but here is the link below. Ive never asked a question about after life that's for sure.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ing-25359.html

God... I hope that's not the case for me. They seem to feel the same way. Mine says she loves me though.


I guess I just have to keep living my life and have no contact with her... but I feel that if we go out and "Date" for a while that we can rekindle that spark.


GOD... now I'm really confused and scared. I didn't think I was going to lose her before. :(

Men are kind of thick sometimes and this is what's happening now. She wants that first flush back and is trying to achieve what she won't get but she will figure it out too. Here is what you do. Any good relationship is a lot of work from both parties, so I would have no physical contact with her unless she wants it. Sure phone her, communicate with her, send her a card once in a while, flowers, get what I mean, e mail her. But don't ever beg.

This doesn't have to happen tomorrow, it can happen next month, you two have all the time in the world so have patience and just do what she wants.

Tickle,

What do you mean by "that first flush back and is trying to achieve what she wont get.....?"

Yes, I am very very thick. I haven't begged her since halloween when she first told me. Since then I've kept my composure.

Jorgy, by 'that first flush' I mean how it felt when she actually started dating you, seeing you for the first time, the discovery, excitement the elation of just being with someone who understood the feelings.

And you don't think that I should give her this?

Or... should I give her this after some "apart time"


I kind of felt that too after the date on Sat.

BUMP...

Please guys... I'm soooo confused. I'm going crazy in my own head!

Bump

We have said all we can jorgy, I don't think anyone can add any more, you just have to be on your own now and sort it out in your head and don't give up, okay.

ms. tickle