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kieranwong · Feb 13, 2008, 07:44 PM

Hi all,

We all know the value of NC in its healing properties post-breakup, and that we shouldn't ever engage in NC with the hope of getting your ex back.

I just thought it might be interesting though, to talk about the role of NC when it comes to rejection. Should one approach NC with a view to recover, or perhaps to turn the rejection around? Or should one even employ NC at all in the case of a rejection? Are there better ways to win someone's heart after a rejection?

Any views on this? :D

talaniman · Feb 13, 2008, 08:08 PM

No contact is for healing after a break up, and rejection is an event to cope with. I don't quite understand your question really, could you elaborate more??

Ash123 · Feb 13, 2008, 08:21 PM

Anything empowering is healing.

Please read my Breakup Survival Guide guide below. It will answer your questions in complete fashion.

kieranwong · Feb 13, 2008, 08:22 PM

Haha what I meant was, the value of NC in dealing with a breakup is undisputed, but I just needed some views on whether it could be similarly employed in coping with rejection.

Also, we know NC shouldn't ever be to get an ex back. But could we use it to win over someone we were dating, and then rejected a steady relationship?

talaniman · Feb 13, 2008, 08:35 PM

Coping with rejection is tied to ones self esteem, and self confidence. I really don't see how they relate, other than both involve coping skills. I spend all day sometimes telling people that NC, will never make someone love, or miss you, or make someone like you, that's up to them, and you can't control, or manipulate someone into a healthy, caring relationship. You can't even be in a healthy relationship, unless you are healthy. Does that make sense?? What's your take on it??

ihatewestseneca · Feb 13, 2008, 08:46 PM

I think what he's trying to say is... (example) you ask a girl out, she says yes... you go on dating every week or couple times a week for say a month or so. Then you ask her if she wants to be exclusive... she says no. (end example) And I think what kieranwong means is if you do NC at that point, could it possibly change their mind into wanting a relationship.

I would agree with Tal... If it's a "No" at that point and you're crushed, NC could help you cope with that, but self confidence and self esteem is what really gets you over that type of rejection.

Another example... I ask a girl out, she says no, I move right along... I barley know her, and there's no emotional connection. Could there have been? Perhaps... but there isn't so myself esteem helps me get over that very quickly.

kieranwong · Feb 13, 2008, 08:48 PM

Hmm I'm talking about rejection following a period of dating, in which the rejecter doesn't want to commit to a steady relationship (for various reasons). So I suppose both rejections and breakups are similar in that both end the possibility of pursuing a relationship, albeit at different stages. Feelings are still involved, and broken hearts are involved. So I thought NC could apply to coping with a rejection as well.. or could it?

But you're right, NC should NEVER be used to manipulate. I guess there are better ways to win someone over after a rejection.

Ash123 · Feb 13, 2008, 09:19 PM

Yep - leave it be.

People hate being pressed after they indicate they want time.

The only thing you can do is smile and run...

If someone wants to find you - they WILL.

talaniman · Feb 14, 2008, 08:12 AM

But you're right, NC should NEVER be used to manipulate. I guess there are better ways to win someone over after a rejection.

That won't stop some people from doing it however, that doesn't make it right. After the healing process, though its not that unusual for people to re-think things, and get back together, and really be happy. That's only because both partners want the same thing. NC will keep you from pushing someone who cares even further away as you don't make a$$ of yourself, but partners have to be willing to work together, and if those feelings survive the healing process, then that's great, but not the average, so the bottom line is don't confuse the healing process, with getting the ex back, or moving on, as those are choices that people make. That's the real benefit of NC, making good decisions for yourself.

Robert7x · Feb 14, 2008, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

NC will keep you from pushing someone who cares even further away as you don't make a$$ of yourself, but partners have to be willing to work together, and if those feelings survive the healing process, then thats great, but not the average, so the bottom line is don't confuse the healing process, with getting the ex back, or moving on, as those are choices that people make.

Wow, that'a really big sentence. Good point though...

kieranwong · Feb 14, 2008, 06:09 PM

So am I right to say, NC is like a medicine you take when you feel really ill about the whole thing. And only when you complete the whole healing process (and if you still want to) do you focus on getting that person, be it your ex or a date who rejected you, back?

talaniman · Feb 14, 2008, 08:30 PM

Basically that's it, but most who go through the process find happiness elsewhere, and really don't want the ex back. You never know how you'll feel, once you put your life back in healthy order, especially if your meeting new people, and doing what you love to do. You never know how the ex has progresssed either, they may be in a better place and not want to go back either. No one can predict the future, but we can deal with whatever it brings, if we are healthy. Once healthy you may find you have OPTIONS.