Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    robinsonjr's Avatar
    robinsonjr Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Oct 19, 2008, 06:39 PM
    Relationship ups and downs!
    Me and my ex have been broken up for two weeks and we recently went to the fair with her kids. I called her and asked her and her kids to go and she said she would call me back, she then called back and said that she was thinking about it and she then asked me why I wanted them to go, I told her that I wanted to have fun and I wanted to do it with them. She then asked me if I was OK taking them knowing that we are not in a relationship and I said yes we are friends and that's what counts. So she then said yes and we went we had a great time there were no pressure and I then dropped them off at her house, while standing outside with her she asked me who was the woman that I was talking to and I said a friend that I know she said she saw me get her phone number and I told her that I already had her phone number, we then talked a bit and I let to go home she then told me to call her when I got home... why is she worried about someone else if she doesn't want me?
    kitten420's Avatar
    kitten420 Posts: 237, Reputation: 20
    Full Member
     
    #2

    Oct 19, 2008, 07:05 PM

    Because in reality she really does want you! Unless she is the type who likes mind games.
    BeeYotch's Avatar
    BeeYotch Posts: 10, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Oct 19, 2008, 07:31 PM

    I think she really does want you, and in reality I think you want her too.
    Guidostern's Avatar
    Guidostern Posts: 247, Reputation: 17
    Full Member
     
    #4

    Oct 20, 2008, 09:27 AM

    Got to agree with everyone else here... sounds like you both may be letting a little bit of pride get in your way and affect the way you feel about each other, etc...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,323, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #5

    Oct 20, 2008, 09:42 AM

    She may not be in a relationship with you, but nothing like you getting attention from someone else, to tweak her curiosity.

    Be aware that this can lead to mind games, and that's something you don't want to play.

    Date and have fun, with a variety of friends. Keep being honest about your actions, when its their business.

    Just because she isn't interested, doesn't mean she wants you with someone else.
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Oct 20, 2008, 09:50 AM

    I don't blame her for questioning your motives in asking her to go out with you--especially with her kids -- when you are broken up and then also chatting up another woman while you are with her. I think you are sending a lot of weird messages. I hope she refuses your next invitation. You have boundary problems.

    You don't say how you broke up or how long you were together, but I would recommend that you find someone else to spend time with. Leave her alone.
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
    Ultra Member
     
    #7

    Oct 20, 2008, 10:13 AM

    Wow, asking, how is he having boundary problems? She is the one who said it was just friends! If I'm going out with someone as a friend and I see another friend out there I will walk over and say hi. There is nothing wrong with that at all. I'm not seeing how he has a boundary problem
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
    Ultra Member
     
    #8

    Oct 20, 2008, 10:57 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Romefalls19 View Post
    Wow, asking, how is he having boundary problems? She is the one who said it was just friends! If i'm going out with someone as a friend and I see another friend out there I will walk over and say hi. There is nothing wrong with that at all. I'm not seeing how he has a boundary problem
    I don't think the OP was "just talking" or she wouldn't have questioned him about the whole phone number thing. I think he was trying to make her a little jealous. Just my intuition. I obviously can't prove it. It's all deniable.

    But they broke up only 2 weeks ago. They should be in no contact at this point. But he calls her up and not only invites her out but insists she bring her kids. She agrees because he insists it's as just friends and she can't think of a reason to turn down a friendly invite, plus she obviously still likes him. She still wants the good part of the relationship. But it's like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too--the happy domestic scene, but with the explicit option to wander, which he flaunts.

    What kind of message is this for her kids? Who is this guy who was their mother's boyfriend last week, but is trying to date others this week? It's confusing. Kids are not stupid and she needs to look out for them. Also, he's using the kids as a cover, because he knows he and his ex can't have a serious discussion with the kids around, plus having kids around him makes him more attractive to other women. I don't think he's her friend. As I say, that's just my take. People come here for different perspectives and that's mine.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,323, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #9

    Oct 20, 2008, 11:02 AM
    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...up-269002.html

    More of the story.

    How's the drinking problem, Roby??

    I have to admit, I didn't do my homework, when I first posted.
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
    Ultra Member
     
    #10

    Oct 20, 2008, 11:07 AM

    Asking, I understand you're point of view and perspective which is why I didn't give you a reddie or anything(I know the rules) and it could very well be him making her jealous. Only the OP knows the motives behind talking to the female, we only get one side of the story, sadly
    Guidostern's Avatar
    Guidostern Posts: 247, Reputation: 17
    Full Member
     
    #11

    Oct 20, 2008, 11:08 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by asking View Post
    I don't think the OP was "just talking" or she wouldn't have questioned him about the whole phone number thing. I think he was trying to make her a little jealous. Just my intuition. I obviously can't prove it. It's all deniable.

    But they broke up only 2 weeks ago. They should be in no contact at this point. But he calls her up and not only invites her out but insists she bring her kids. She agrees because he insists it's as just friends and she can't think of a reason to turn down a friendly invite, plus she obviously still likes him. She still wants the good part of the relationship. But it's like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too--the happy domestic scene, but with the explicit option to wander, which he flaunts.

    What kind of message is this for her kids? Who is this guy who was their mother's boyfriend last week, but is trying to date others this week? It's confusing. Kids are not stupid and she needs to look out for them. Also, he's using the kids as a cover, because he knows he and his ex can't have a serious discussion with the kids around, plus having kids around him makes him more attractive to other women. I don't think he's her friend. As I say, that's just my take. People come here for different perspectives and that's mine.

    Wow... that is harsh! You have to think though, depending on how long they've been together, he could have played a very important role in her children's lives. You have to remember that children become attached to us faster than we do to them... plus, it sounds like he's just wanting to know if he has some kind of chance to salvage the relationship... but, the thing with the kids seems to be blown out of proportion a little bit... but as you say; we're all going to have our opinions...
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
    Ultra Member
     
    #12

    Oct 20, 2008, 11:29 AM

    I agree there's not enough information here to tell what's going on. That's one reason I'm suspicious. The story seems too self serving and incomplete. Yeah, I'm harsh today. Sorry. No one should take it personally. :)

    Partners who don't have kids of their own tend not to get the nuances of leaving the kids out of the dating "game." This feels like a game to me. If I broke up with someone I wouldn't then immediately ask them out, unless I was trying to patch things up, in which case I'd leave space for a serious conversation and that would rule out bringing kids. This setup makes no sense.

    If the op wants to be a continuing presence in the children's lives, then he needs to ask permission to do that post break up and get a definite yes from the mother and after that he could easily have offered to take them on his own without her. If he is so close to the kids, that's the obvious move. That's not what happened. Instead, everything is ambiguous and undefinable. Mushy. No boundaries.
    robinsonjr's Avatar
    robinsonjr Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #13

    Oct 20, 2008, 07:46 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by asking View Post
    I don't blame her for questioning your motives in asking her to go out with you--especially with her kids -- when you are broken up and then also chatting up another woman while you are with her. I think you are sending a lot of weird messages. I hope she refuses your next invitation. You have boundary problems.

    You don't say how you broke up or how long you were together, but I would recommend that you find someone else to spend time with. Leave her alone.
    I didn't chat up someone that was a friend, and her and her kids to the fair that's something to do with the kids there was no force to get her to go she could have said no!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,323, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #14

    Oct 20, 2008, 09:39 PM
    ... why is she worried about someone else if she doesn't want me?
    That's not the issue. The real issue is are you doing what it takes to give this relationship the chance it needs to survive?? You broke up because you're a drunk, and that's the question, has that changed?
    We just broke up because she said she could not deal with my drinking
    I would suggest you stop worrying about her part, and do yours.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Cat Mental Birth Disorders . Downs? Autism? [ 10 Answers ]

One of our male (neutered) cats can be physically described as thick-set, weight dense (as in he is not a big cat, small & compact with heavy bones... picking him up is not unlike a 1'x2' brick), LARGE head with large round eyes, big belly (not fat, just big... body solid muscle) with a cow...

Son has major melt downs [ 18 Answers ]

:eek: My son is 2 going to be 3 July 1st... he is allergic to Casein which makes it difficult to make hm many things to eat as a lot of stuff has Casein... anyway... he will have MAJOR melt downs, screaming mainly for no reason... he will get himself in trouble and I will tell him no and he will...

Ups and downs in our sex life [ 2 Answers ]

My husband and I have been together for 13 yrs, married for 12 yrs. We have some serious ups and downs in our sexual relationship over the years. The most recent and problematic times have been the last 3-4 yrs. He was working in the shipping industry and gone from the home for 1-2 months at a time...

Shut downs [ 1 Answers ]

I am running XP sp2 Home. My computer has started shutting down on it's own a couple times a day. Anyone have an idea?:confused:

The Ups and Downs of Water Pressure [ 3 Answers ]

I purchased a house about a year ago that had been renovated 5 years prior. The house is 71 years old and has a well/pump. I noticed a few months ago that the water in my bath tub was fluctuating with pressure, just enough that you noticed, but never a problem... until... last week when I turned...


View more questions Search