My boyfriend & I have been together nearly 7 1/2 yrs now.
<> that's a long time to be with someone without being married to them. Longer than most marriages. Do you live together?? If you do, you're a common law wife, with rights!
Back in the early 80's I worked with a guy in the UK who had been going 'steady' with a woman for 14(!) years, THEN they got married. THEN they quickly got divorced, and both married different partners. The moral to this is, in my humble opinion, is that you either DO IT or you DON'T. 71/2 years is a 'marriage', unless you both decided you wish NOT to be married, but together.
A few months back, a matter happened, actually petty in nature. Anyhow, right when that happened, he will not tell me he loves me, and is quite distant, except still wanting intimacy.
<> when a man trully loves a woman, he has NO problems in telling her that he loves her. At least, he should not. When a man loves a woman well enough to spend the rest of his life with her, he doesn't string her along for well over 7y risking her meeting someone else and being swept off her feet away from him. He 'strikes' while the iron is hot.
Also, if 2 people are right for each other for life, they know this within 12 - 24 months, and withOUT living together. When something is right, it FELS right inside. It's unmistakable.
A couple years ago, he gave me an engagement ring at Xmas.
<> after FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!!
Forgive me, I mean no disrespect, but I'd bet that one of his good buddies said to him...
"listen mate, if u wanna hold on to her, you had better put at least an engagement ring on her finger, that way at least you'll know that she won't look around elsewhere, and it'll keep her quiet!!"
And maybe he even added.. "..till you maybe meet someone else."
However, he never actually popped the question.
<> he is a one of those game players... he'll never change. If you marry him tomorrow, the next 7,5y will be no better than the first, probably worse!
He is quite manly.
<> what does that mean!! The opposite to effeminite?
So, time to time, I would bring up the subject of our plans, and he would evade it.
<> sounds like they are YOUR plans.
But then that following summer, talked of the subject to his best friend's wife.
<> isn't this a little (read: a lot!) strange!! Talk about WHAT!! "should I propose...shouldn't I propose!?!" that?
The man doesn't have the 1st idea what is in his heart with regard to you after circa 90 months with you... if not now, he never will.
I would always let some time pass before posing the subject again.. and then he would say why do I push..?
<> oh man... this guy is SO manipulative!! He's a user, he had a bad experience I bet, and he promised himself that he will never let that happen again.
His motto must be: "do onto others before they do it unto you".
So, did he regret giving the ring or was this supposed to be a passify?
<> the latter... THE LATTER!! 100%!
Well, giving me the ring has caused some strains, and have had ups & downs these past 2 years. I wish he never gave me the ring unless he was truly ready for the consquence.. We never talked marriage before the ring, so I thought he was really ready, since he made the action. We both had been married before, me almost 8 yrs, and him about 2 yrs. And unfortunately, he is manipulative in the relationship, never can say he is sorry, like it's my privilege to be with him.
<> once a cheater, always a cheater. This applies to many things... liar, manipulator, user...
And I'm quite sensitive, usually saying I'm sorry, even when it's not my fault, so that the issue will subside.
<> and that is what he's playing on. Again, forgive me, I really hate offending anyone, but I have to say this because this is how I see it. And what would be the point of holding back, when you might even agree with me, or it might make you think, but... this is possibly one of the reasons he's stayed with you for this long, because you are sensitive and he's able to manipulate u, even to the point of making you apologise for his faults!! As far as he's concerned, he's got it made, a perfect 'wife' without the responsibility.
Our communication is not the greatest. I'll admit I close up... but am learning to say what is on my mind.
<> this is good... very good. If you ask me, you need to decide on exactly what you want, make a plan, and go ahead with it, and not let anyone disuvade u.
And staying with him (never mind marrying him) would be the WRONG plan!
Time is noones best friend... and he has already stolen 7,5y of it, and during a beautiful part of your life.
He just shuts the door.. and is hard to talk to..
<> what's 'manly' about that!!
And when he gets upset at things, he goes through with the silent treatment...
<> a manly little boy...
And doesn't show emotions.
<> a manly insecure frustrated little boy...
He didn't talk to his parents for nearly 5 yrs over something he got upset about...
<> lol... they probably refused to do his washing after his ex through him out of the house!
Either that, or they were on HER side!
And doesn't talk to his sister at all.
<> sounds like a manly little boy with psychological problems. Bet there's jealousy involved...
This yes scares me that he can live like this...
<> he's got huge problems in his head... cut him loose, and REALL be a HAPPYGIRL!
But I know I've been told I can do better, but I am in love with this man.
<> excuse me... in love with him!! What is there to love! He knows nothing about how to love u, how to please you or how to be the man I'm sure u (as all women) hoped to meet. Is he really a better man/person than your ex? Does he make you feel loved, cherished, appreciated? Does he listen to you, is he really ever interested in the kind of day you've had? A man who cannot tell you that he loves you after 7,5 years is a man who does NOT love you, and never will. He's a man who doesn't deserve you. You're better than that, and yes, you CAN do better than him, and if you do not give yourself this chance, you WILL regret it. The fact that u 2 don't have children is a blessing, so get out now!
When most of the times are good, I enjoy him and how he makes me feel. And I hope he still loves me...
<> after 7,5 years, you should not 'hope' this, you should know it.
But the months can't keep going on like this... I feel like a convienent roommate.
<> so you do live together. As you said, he doesn't get on with his parents... he doesn't speak to his sister, and he has nowhere else to stay, nowhere as comfortable or as cheap as he is now, and nowhere where someone else is going to do the cooking, cleaning, washing. Yes... he's a classic user!
I've told him my feelings, and I deserve him to open up... I can't believe someone can turn off their feelings in one moment. How should I talk to him without making him feel defensive...
<> why bother taking to him. Just break up with him. Tell him that's it's OVER, be firm, and trust me... he'll WANT to talk to you!! But don't let him win again.
And to see if he'll give us a real chance to work on things if he still loves me?
<> sorry, but you're dreaming... and it's a nightmare. For a marriage to be beautiful... the time leading up to it should be beautiful too, and at the time of marriage, their should be no doubts on either side, and you will always have them about this guy.
I am not ready to throw in the towel... unless of course he truly doesn't want/love me.
<> he wants yes, but he does not love u. he's just using u! Is that what you want?!
If you marry him, all he'll do in the end is to find a mistress.
Please help me, I'm hurting so much.. I miss him. Is he going through mid-life crisis? He is just over 40 now.. Anyhow, any advice would be great...
<> mid-life crises my foot. I'm 45, and have no idea what that stupid phrase is. Besides... a mid-life crisis which lasts for 7,5 years?? Lol