This is a very personal subject for me, so please refrain from being too judgemental or accusing.
When I was in 3rd grade I started living with my aunt and uncle. My aunt has always been bad with children. She screamed at me a lot, was always making comments about how stupid I could be and lost her temper regularly (one time she made me eat my steak out of the garbage after my uncle told me I could throw it away because she didn't believe me when I told her he let me). She would always make herself seem wonderful when we were in the presence of others though.
Then when I was 13 my uncle started to sexually abuse me. By the time I was 14 it was a full on thing. He made me believe that what we did was normal, he taught me that when an man touches a child that something is usually going on. Whenever we were out in public and we saw an adult being real close to a child he would point it out to me implying that they were doing stuff like we were.
They both brainwashed me, they alienated me from my family and told me that my dad, mom, and grandma were all pretty bad people.
When I was 17 the cat was let out of the bag and my uncle was arrested. For a while he stayed away and I was alone to deal with my aunt. She would be all 'I'm so sorry, I'm such a bad parent' one second, then the next 'how could you do this? What's wrong with you? '
Not to long after that (between that and the court date) my uncle started to come over every night. When I got home after school (while my aunt was at work) he would be there. And you can imagine what happened. Then when she got home he would tell her he just beat her there by a few minutes. Then we would eat dinner and chill for a while then he would go back home. My aunt knew he was still into me, so it became a sort of competition between us.
When the court date came he was sentenced to 6 MONTHS in jail and I think 8 years probation.
Before that day he packed my car up and prepared me to go live with his mother and wait for him.
And I did, I moved out, away from my aunt. It didn't take long after I was finally away from them for me to figure out that that wasn't what I wanted and that that was really messed up.
Some time after that I met a guy and fell in love. Things for us were really rough at first and for some time after. He had a child who was still in hopes that his mom and dad would get together and that I was in the way. So he hated me pretty bad.
Things got better though and now our relationship is pretty strong and his son thinks of me as his step mom.
We've fixed every problem in our relationship except for this big one
Because of what happened I have a problem with adults and kids being physically close. My boyfriend doesn't understand that and its really hurting us. He says he feels like he can't be comfortable around his son.
I don't like it when they sit next to each other, I don't like it when he wraps his arm around him. Hugging him is fine, like good night hugs and stuff. It's just when he sits there and holds him.
(I don't know how much bearing this has on my problem but when we first got together, when his son was 7, they took showers together and slept together and when he did sit next to him he would stroke his arm or leg or back the entire time-and all of this seemed VERY WRONG to me.)
My boyfriend says that I am basically hurting his relationship with his son and that he can't be close to him because of me. I KNOW that normal people don't have these problems like I do, I am going to therapy for it.
I tell my boyfriend that he doesn't have to touch his son like that to be close, he should go out and throw a football with him and go for walks and stuff, that the TV needs to stop being the center of all our family time.
He agrees with me about needing to do more of that stuff, he does every time this discussion comes up, but he doesn't really change much. He is suffering from migraines and depression though, so that doesn't help.
So I don't know what to do. I of course will continue therapy but I don't think that's doing enough for our relationship.
He says he wants to understand why I am like this, but he says that he doesn't think that my therapist could help him understand (he's gone to one of my sessions).
HELP


The other problem is his video games, I don't know exactly what it is about them but I HATE them and wish he'd just get rid of them.
They are expensive, gory, addictive, and he is gone out of this world when he plays them. If you have any input on that, I'd appreciate it.

Wow!! We'll first of all, he's a man.. Good luck getting rid of the video games.. I'm going through that now but I look at it as that's how they relax after work.. As far as him And his son go... Let that go! What happened to you, doesn't happen to everyone! I'm sorry that it happened to you but not every guy/girl is that gross to touch a child! No I don't think it's right that he strokes the child's body or sits right next to him.. But the showers are fine.. I think your letting it get the best if u.. u need to put that part of your life behind you or this relationship will be behind you.

No I don't think it's right that he strokes the child's body or sits right next to him.. But the showers are fine.. I think your letting it get the best if u

You think it's OK for a dad and his 8 year old shower together?

I know it's getting the best of me, but that's the thing, I was brought up that way, how do I make it go away?

Thanks for answering

Honestly I don't believe there is a way to make it go away.. U just have to know what's normal and what's not normal..

Sorry I didn't realize the age.. But some people do give their 7 and 8 year old kids showers with them.. My uncles girlfriend gives her 7 year old daughter a shower with her, some kids just feel safer that way.

Have u ever tried giving the boy a bath? Like is he scared of water or anything?

I'm sure there is some explanation for this..

You just have to let your past go.. Try explaining to your boyfriend that he doesn't need to do these types of things because it doesn't look right from the outside looking in, and your just trying to protect your family.

I don't believe it will ever go away, you just have to learn how to not think that way.

You can choose to suffer or not to suffer. There is a true story of a man who is a drug pusher and abuser who had twin sons. After this person got arrested one of his sons followed his father's path the other son became successful and lived a clean life. What was surprising was when they were asked why their life happened to them they gave the same answer: "What can i do my dad was like that" It is your decision to be better or to suffer what happened in your life happened already it is up to you to choose what meaning you will give it. Ask yourself what can I do with this to be better.