So I have been going through depression for long enough for my first ever relationship. The first ever relationship that I went for ruined me because that guy actually lied to me thrice and he hided few stuff from me so that I don't get hurt. So that was more than enough to hurt me yet I decided to forget them and stick to that guy. Next I get to hear that guy went out with this girl who is none other than a slut and he did not even care to tell me that. So I broke it off completely as I couldn't take it anymore. After that I tried to reach him again for months tried contacting him he didn't even care to pick up. He left me all alone.That very relationship changed me and I was hurt really bad since that was my first ever love. I took months to move on and as I did I met this sweet guy continuously helping me out reminding me how amazing I am. This guy stopped me from doing s which I was doing because of my first relationship. That guy was always there right beside me helped me to move on and be happy again. I was happy again, not completely but I was still happy enough to live. Then after 8 freaking months with the sweet guy I get to hear my break up with that first guy was a misunderstanding. That guy showed up again after 8 months telling me he had no phome to contact me and he needed space for himself that's why he wasn't available for all these months. And he showed me how he self harmed and was on pills the whole time. And that was strong enough to kill me right there as I saw himself harming and doing drugs. So I thought I should help him. Even I was in a relationship with him, I talked to that guy and we both could relate our pain since we both were hurt because of the same reason. At that time the sweet guy was still there by my side after knowing everything he still sticked towards me. He was continuosly trying to move that guy from my life since that guy was self harming and hurting me and I was also getting hurt because of that. Somehow I managed to let that first guy out of my life with the sweet guys help qnd my friends help. And then after I was happy again with the sweet guy. I would still think of that first guy as I couldn't completely move on. And the sweet guy would get hurt yet he would listen to my bulls. He would take on everything and help me. And then I don't know why I changed more. And the sweet guy coukdnt take that change. He kept on trying stopping me from changing. But now he just gave up. Becauwe he tried a lot. And now I lost my support and my best friend too. So this friend asked me for whom I feel. Idk why I said the first guy maybe because I'm the girl to believe in first love. And now I met that first guy again. He is back to my life and I keep on telling him not to expect stuff from me yet he keeps on expecting and now when I told him I want to get rid off my past like both of them and he is like he will self harm again and . He is asking me not to leave him alone like this. Now I don't know what to do. Im so ed up. Idk for whom I feel. And I hate it how much I hurted these two guys but they don't see every time I let them go it was me hurting myself more.

First off it seems to me you need less drama in life. Second, you need a better application process for a gentleman caller. Third, you need to stop falling for a guy so quickly. And fourth, you need to stop allowing these guys to control if you are happy or sad. Controlling how you feel is totally up to you.

I would never allow another person to decide whether I am going to be happy or sad on any given day. Given that it's a choice, I decide to have a good day every single day because it's in my control.

To me happy goes with healthy, and whatever your doing with guy one isn't healthy. He keeps you with blame and guilt, while you jump through stupid hoops for him. The second guy is just a friend who you dump all your emotions and frets on in hopes you make him your main love object. Can't blame him for having gotten enough of that kind of "love/friendship" since it wears a person out.

To enjoy love and be happy you have to love yourself and be healthy enough give and receive love and obviously you are not. Leave the guys alone, and work on getting yourself happy, and build a life that you enjoy with friends family, and activities that make you happy. I suspect you know that your feelings for both guys is unhealthy and a sham.

So what's so bad about your life you need a relationship with a screwed up nut so bad you would even accept that guy one sicko's behavior, and keep him in your life? He isn't even a good friend and sucks your happiness right out of you. That's sick, and its just as sick to turn around and suck the life out of guy 2. What? No family, friends, or activities that make you happy? You could certainly use some YOU time away from all this fake romance friends stuff to get yourself together, and learn to make yourself happy AND healthy. That's really the only way you get unstuck from the unhealthy life your in and heal, and be able to move on!