Hi everyone,

I am seeking some relationship advice, as I just can't seem to wrap my head around my current situation, and I find myself depressed and upset on a daily basis over my ex-girlfriend. Here is my story...

We have known each other since we were young teengagers, often sneaking out late at night and hanging out till early in the morning, you know, your typical high school fling. We always found each other extremely attractive, and got along very very well... The one problem, we were two years in age apart.

After on and off conversation throughout high school, I went off to college for 2 years before we randonly ran into each other the summer after my freshman year. We started hanging out regulary, and fell in love as quickly as you can snap your fingers. She eventually ended up getting accepted to the same university that I was attending, and enrolled as a freshman when I was entering my junior year.

Things were GREAT for about two years. We were so in love, and everyone could see it. When I say amazing, I mean perfectly amazing. We always had such mutual respect for each other, and gave our space when needed. I could always count on her, just as she could count on me. I gave her a shoulder to lean on throughout the death of her father, who unfortunately lost a 2 year battle with lung cancer. I was there every step of the way.

Unfortunately, we started to drift apart. Deep down inside, we both knew that we were absolutely crazy for each other, yet something about spending every day of 3 years with someone just makes you grow tired. I eventually graduated last December, and spent the weekends (of spring semester) making the trip back up to college to visit friends and her. Although there wasn't that completely remarkable feeling between us like we had first fell in love, we still had great times together and absolutely cared for each other. After I landed a job, I flaked on the relationship a bit. She was still at school and I was working 40 hours a week. I feel like in my heart I knew she was always going to be there for me, so I didn't put forth the effort that was needed to keep such a truly amazing girl by my side. Plus the fatigue of being new to the workforce set in, and I may not of even had the energy needed to keep the relationship up to her standards. Needless to say, two weeks before she came home for summer vacation, she told me she wanted to split up, as she did not want to be in an unhappy relationship anymore. This has devastated me, as I truly could have seen myself with her for the rest of my life.

Now here's the tricky part... Around mid summer, after almost 2 months of no contact, she reaches out to tell me that she misses me. She tells me that although she does not want to be in a relationship with me at the current moment (fearing that it would turn out to be how it was before) she wants to give it another shot in the future. She made it very clear that she wants to only worry about herself for a while, yet at the same time made it very clear that I am part of her long term plans. She told me she still loved me dearly, and thought about me constantly, and she knows that I deserve someone very very good. She really is the sweatest, most beautiful girl in the world.

What am I to do? I am still so madly in love with this girl, as she has EVERYTHING that I could ever want in a partner. I truly truly believe her when she tells me I am in her long term plans, as she has always put me first and been honest and upfront with me. The problems is, when I confronted her about other guys, she said that she is not going to say "yes" or "no" to whether she is going to be kissing them. She said that she does not want the thought of the commitment at the moment, and by saying that she won't, she will have a large commitment. She still has 1and a 1/2 years left of college, it kills me to think of her with other guys, despite her telling me that she knows she wants to be with me. I am still so in love with this girl, she still loves me, yet we can't be together. What is there to do? It just hurts not having her, and knowing that she could POSSIBLY be out with other guys, when all I can think about is her.

Any help ? :(

So you are unsure as to if you will actually be her long term plan and she is making you wait to find out. You have a choice to make. Accept it on her terms if she is unwilling to change those terms or move on. That is a tough one. The possibility of her dating other guys makes it even more difficult.

But you need to learn something from this. When you are in a relationship, you can't spend every second with that person. It isn't healthy. She needs her set of friends and you need your set of friends.

After being married for many years, got divorced, and then met the love of my life. I couldn't be happier. But I kept my activities like tennis, racquetball, jai alai, and golf. I also kept my friends. My partner did the same. It makes the relationship healthy.

Oh hell no! You never sit and wait for someone to make YOU a priority and it not fair for you to wait while they have a grand time and you put your life on hold.

Make it plain that you have a life to live without her and will see what happens when it happens. Bet she ha no timetable for this grand reunion and commitment either. See this for exactly what it is, a break up that may well last forever and hold no hope for it ever starting again. In this way you can heal and enjoy a life you have built for yourself, and if it happens as she says, cool, and if it doesn't that's cool to.

Just accept its over and keep your dignity, and elf respect by doing your own thing and not falling for this young girls false hope and BS!! She was just letting you down easy in the first place. Because believe me if the right guy comes along her promise of a future goes out the window.

Don't be a fool when young love comes to an end because its you who will be miserable.

I agree. She already said she doesn't want to commit. I guess that wasn't clear. Sometimes girls don't want to hurt your feelings. Especially if they have a puppy dog waiting & wagging their tail. Girls love attention, even from guys they don't want. How about never talking to her again? See how that goes. Then you can be concerned more about who you are kissing. Not who she is.

She may be saying she does not want to commit, but YOU did not want to and flaked on her. She may think you will be OK with just dating ?

Why not TALK to her, if you have feelings and are sorry for the way you treated her tell her.
But decide if you have the time and want to put the effort into a relationship