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    watershipdown's Avatar
    watershipdown Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jun 16, 2010, 10:16 PM
    Re-establishing communication/ a friendship
    Me and my ex broke up a few months ago. We stayed friends at first and talked almost everyday, but some stupid misunderstanding ruined that. Now, we've cleared the misunderstanding and stuff but we still don't talk anymore just because we've already gotten so distant and kind of lost interest and grew apart.

    I want to slowly initiate a friendship again. Obviously I don't want to be annoying and push it in his face, it takes time. But I thought it we talk every now and then we can slowly build our friendship again.

    Disclaimer: I'm not trying to get back together or anything but we were very good friends and I do miss that.

    Anyway, I was wondering how to approach this. I could IM him one day and have a casual talk, but I know things are just going to go back to being dead after that. Like if you meet a new person and you want to be friends with them, you can't just talk to them once and have things be dead after, you have to kind of keep it going.

    So I was wondering if there's anything I can do/say when I do talk to him to leave things open and lead into a follow-up talk... rather than just end it there.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #2

    Jun 16, 2010, 10:31 PM
    Hi, watershipdown!

    If he's your ex, what sort of "friend" relationship are you trying to establish with him, please?

    Thanks!
    watershipdown's Avatar
    watershipdown Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jun 16, 2010, 11:01 PM

    Well friends as in.. friends. I don't know how else to describe it. I know lots of people who were in serious relationships and broke up mutually but stayed close as friends afterward.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #4

    Jun 16, 2010, 11:08 PM
    If you've already been trying to be friends with each other and having difficulties, how about just taking a "breather" for awhile from trying to do that?

    Also, are you both resigned to not being in an intimate relationship with each other again, please?
    watershipdown's Avatar
    watershipdown Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jun 16, 2010, 11:22 PM

    We actually haven't been trying to be friends for a while. After the misunderstanding, its been about two months.

    And yes, I'm clear that he doesn't want a relationship, and I've made it clear to him that I'm not trying to be in one either.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #6

    Jun 17, 2010, 12:11 AM
    I would presume that you and he have quite a bit of things in common though, if there is a desire for you to want to remain friends with him. Does he have the same desire and do the two of you have a lot in common as far as interests are concerned?

    I'm sorry that it took me so long to return to here! I was catching up on what happened here during the day!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #7

    Jun 17, 2010, 09:56 AM

    I highly suggest you leave her alone, and stop trying to force a friendship.

    Forcing things is not a healthy way to get anything. Leave each other alone. Time and space will tell if this friendship will ever be, but for sure Your way will NEVER work, no matter how bad you want it.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #8

    Jun 17, 2010, 10:49 AM

    I also highly suggest that at this point you leave it alone, if in a few YEARS, you happen to bump into each other and want to be friends, that may work,

    You have not even had time to get over them completely in a few months and will only add to heart aches
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