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    myk3's Avatar
    myk3 Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 1, 2006, 04:19 AM
    Question re girlfriend
    I have been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years now since I was 18. The past 6 months or more have been very up and down mainly silly arguments. The fact is that I am always wanting her company and 90% of the time she seems to love it. On thurday at the gym we had a argument... basically I wanted to go swimming with her as I just got off work and wanted to spend some time with her, she didn't want to due to her hair getting wet. So that night we made up as usual and all was fine. That night I left all my cloths at hers thus saving me going to mine first the next day to get the cloths for the week end I stay at hers. I told her on thurs that ill be up at 5ish as I finish early on Friday and she didn't seem bothered at all. So got up to hers at 5 and asked her how long she would be till she gets back from work. She said she is at her friends house so I said shall I come over then and she said if you want (im close friends with her firend and her b/f) this was really hard for me as I drove the 30min drive up to see her for the week end like our routine goes and she was off with me from the min I spoke. So I got round there and cut a long story short she snapped at me, I asked her streight what is wrong she said you just come up when you want to... I got the hump and took me g/f mates b/f to the gym for an hour. When I looked at my phone after the gym it said ' hi babe we haven't had any space since holiday that is why I am so moody I'm asking for some now so ill see you on Monday love you. Now this has happened too many times before and I got angry and switched from the persone I am (I would normaly ring her and text her asking if we are still going to be together etc what's wrong and get in a big big mess over it) and I basically said I'm f'ing sick of this we arnt getting on ant we don't work and I said you don't understand how much I love you and want to be with you etc but we just arnt working etc. so I just went home and couldn't stop crying to be fair. I just keep remebering out holiday which we didn't argue on at all it was great fun loved it. The night I went home she was going out with her mate to some club which is fine but I keep worrying that I have blown it! I keep worrying that she isn't feeling like I am having a great time with her mates and not even thinging of me and that even maby she thought f it last night and kissed or something else with another guy. You may all be thinging its only her asking for space for a bit but she as so many time said to me that she is so sorry she is a ***** to me when she sees me for so long she said she gets natty, she said she would prefer it if I was to treat her a bit more like **** and rebel to what she wants more she says your so nice to me but I don't aprechiate it, your too good for me and I don't deserve you. This is why I switched I can't take it any longer I drove up 30 minutes from my home to see her for the week end and then she tells me she want a break. So I went mad. Now I'm playing the waiting game for a call or text from her which I am so scared I won't get one! I can't see my life ahead without her I'm in a mess I have had dreams all night about her cheating on me when she went out and not caring that I'm not there. I'm so heart broken and just wanted to shout it all out, it may not make allot of sense but its just all built up over the past 6-8 months and I have got sick of being the one who does every thing for her. I will change and say that I'm not seeing her to day ill go out with my mates and she will realise what she is missing as it has happened before but then I get too attached again and can't let go. I just want us to talk again and no that she hasn't got off with any one else as she may be pissed off to what I said. I hate playing this waiting game and I'm going in to depression :( don't no what to do with myself...
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,928, Reputation: 674
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    #2

    Apr 1, 2006, 06:08 AM
    Hi, Myk,
    I have been married now (2nd. Time) for 29 years. If my wife expected to be in "my company" every minute of every day, there would be problems!
    The first thing I noticed about your question was that "I always want her company". Do you mean you always want her with you?
    That may or may not work out, depending on each individual person. Some people want some time for themselves; while some others tend to be very "clinging" and want to be with you all the time.
    A "break" means she needs some time to herself, to think about things.
    Have you been too "demanding" on her time?
    Compromise is the key word in me and my wife being married for so many years. My first marriage (after 7 yrs) ended in Divorce. I learned a lot from that... took me a year before I could start seeing other women.
    Please give her some time. She may or may not want you back. Just don't communicate at all with her; let her make the next move.
    I do wish you the very best, and good luck. Meantime, it's going to be very, very tough! Love hurts when it doesn't go the way we want it to.
    myk3's Avatar
    myk3 Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Apr 1, 2006, 06:17 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by fredg
    Hi, Myk,
    I have been married now (2nd. time) for 29 years. If my wife expected to be in "my company" every minute of every day, there would be problems!
    The first thing I noticed about your question was that "I always want her company". Do you mean you always want her with you?
    That may or may not work out, depending on each individual person. Some people want some time for themselves; while some others tend to be very "clinging" and want to be with you all the time.
    A "break" means she needs some time to herself, to think about things.
    Have you been too "demanding" on her time?
    Compromise is the key word in me and my wife being married for so many years. My first marriage (after 7 yrs) ended in Divorce. I learned a lot from that.....took me a year before I could start seeing other women.
    Please give her some time. She may or may not want you back. Just don't communicate at all with her; let her make the next move.
    I do wish you the very best, and good luck. Meantime, it's going to be very, very tough! Love hurts when it doesn't go the way we want it to.
    Indeed it does hurt. Its weird as some times when she is in a loving mood if I say I won't be coming up today to see you because I'm off with my mates she would get upset. These reasons are why I got stressed she wants it to be how she wants, different when it is the other way around. Some time ago I said to her not really meaning it we need a break... the next day she texted me saying the break is a good idea how long you want it for. The I texted back an other that was a bit angry. Later on that night she was crying and upset that I was going to leave her. That's how I want her to feel now. I'm just feeling sick as I am waiting for a call or text.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,928, Reputation: 674
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    #4

    Apr 1, 2006, 07:14 AM
    Hi,
    You two really, really need to talk honestly with each other. Find out if you both want to continue this relationship, and what it would take for it to be successful.
    If you and she really love each other, it can be worked out.
    myk3's Avatar
    myk3 Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Apr 1, 2006, 07:33 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by fredg
    Hi,
    You two really, really need to talk honestly with each other. Find out if you both want to continue this relationship, and what it would take for it to be successful.
    If you and she really love each other, it can be worked out.
    Yes it can... we talk all the time get up set and sobby and sorry for each other and then give it a few more weeks and it happenes again. The fact is we argue, I just accept it's a sill argument and then just make up, but she is the one who worries that are arguments are not supposed to be like that. I no many couples who argue allot and just get over it.. but she thinks our arguments arnt supposed to happen. I no now that if I ignore her for days she will start to worry that I don't want her no more. But with the text that I sent I don't no how she will react... eather of f him if he wants to talk to me and be like that and go out last night and get with another guy to comfert herself :( or oh no this time I have blown it he is fed up with me... waiting to find out no just isn't comfertable... thanks, mike
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,928, Reputation: 674
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    #6

    Apr 1, 2006, 09:24 AM
    HI,
    Many couples do argue, and on the other side of the coin, there are many who do not argue very often.
    A lot of arguments, like every time you are together, or every week, means something is definitely wrong! One of the partners doesn't want to accept the other.
    If you don't want to wait for an answer from her, then just call the whole thing off, and forget about her. That's your only option.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #7

    Apr 1, 2006, 12:44 PM
    It sounds like you are a bit too needy where this girl is concerned ; very clingy and possessive. She no doubt senses this and is put off by it. That's probably why she keeps asking for these breaks and wishes that you'd treat her like s_ _ t once in a while. You say you've been with her for 2 1/2 years so it seems like there's some potential there. However, things being what they are, it probably isn't a bad idea for you to take a break from her at this point. Get out with some other friends, male and female, and have a good time. Go to the gym and do other things that you enjoy doing without having to worry about her tagging along or getting angry with you because she doesn't want to. Let her miss you and wonder what you're up to. If she contacts you make sure you tell her you're getting along just fine and having a dandy ole time and don't even mention getting together with her. If you keep this up I'm willing to bet that she'll eventually come crawling back to you on her hands and knees. Then you'll have the power in the relationship. If she starts her games again, you just bail out again. Her ego probably won't be able to handle that and the game playing will therefore stop as she'll want to keep you from running out on her again. Remember, you can't have someone unless you are willing to lose them. Once they realize that if they don't change their ways then they'll lose you then they come around. If not then it was never meant to be. However, something tells me that this girl isn't going to want to blow the 2 1/2 years she's already invested with you.
    myk3's Avatar
    myk3 Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Apr 3, 2006, 01:43 AM
    got a text from her last night after me asking for the score, she said OK I think it would be better if we where apart I'm sorry x. then I said are we 100% over or do you still love me? She said I still love you but I don't want to be in a relationship at the moment. I can't accept this I'm in a mess I'm going in to depression! I'm hoping that she hasn't found some one else, and I can't see how she can just finish us over 1 text message after a 2.5 yr relationship. I don't no what to do :(
    Kohoutek's Avatar
    Kohoutek Posts: 83, Reputation: 3
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    #9

    Apr 3, 2006, 04:22 AM
    In my opinion, if she said she doesn't think she's good enough for you, there could be a problem there. What girl in her right mind wants a guy to treat her like s**t? Maybe she's realised she's with a guy who's loved her and been faithful to her for over two years now and she doesn't know how to handle it. If this is the case, maybe she is better off being single until she's learnt to like herself and understand what relationships are all about. If she doesn't want to be with you anymore, then you need to accept that and move on, but from the sounds of it, it's possible it may go slightly deeper than that, and burning bridges might not be the best idea...
    giggles's Avatar
    giggles Posts: 143, Reputation: 27
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    #10

    Apr 3, 2006, 06:51 AM
    You haven't been listening to this girl at all! She has said she needed space, and you say that often you will switch into a different persona and ask does she still love you etc. This is really clingy behaviour, and a total turnoff for a girl, whether she knows you inside out or not. I'm sorry to sound so harsh here, but you have made this poor girl the complete centre of your world, and that's a lot of pressure for her. No wonder she wants a break! And look what it's done to you - you're happiness depends on her being there for you all the time, and as a result you're in agony right now.
    This break is a good thing for both of you! You need to get perspective on your own life. You are, after all after spending a long time with one person during a time when your own beliefs and feelings are undergoing so much change. Let this girl breathe a little - and that means no games, no emotionally blackmailing texts about whether she loves you or not - just let her be. You two seem completely over dependent on each other (re: she thinks you're too good for her.) Give yourself a break from all of this. It will reinforce your own individuality, you will be much more attractive to YOURSELF and then you can start worrying about what your girlfriend thinks of you... mind you, if you start looking after yourself a bit more, and taking time for YOU, you won't really care what other people think - and you will be much more attractive to everyone!
    myk3's Avatar
    myk3 Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Apr 6, 2006, 01:31 AM
    OK I left it and she has got back to me last night. She asked how I was, we got texting and she said she misses me. She was saying that she feels as if I should be with a uni graduate girl not her who is in and out of jobs all the time.she said you wernt just my boy friend you where my friend, she said she has been upset and lost loads of weight she can't eat and a size 8 now slips off her. I asked for the reason why she wanted to split up. She said that she didn't like the arguing, the way she gets moody at me for no reason, she feels as if I am too good for her she says. She says she wants to see me again. God knows when this will be? She said to me I would like it if we see each other and take it slowly, and not to get my hopes up. It is kind of pissing me off but I love her so much I can't let go. Its horrible. As I said in my other posts I new that this was the reason. Cheers
    Mike
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    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #12

    Apr 6, 2006, 02:20 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by giggles
    You haven't been listening to this girl at all! She has said she needed space, and you say that often you will switch into a different persona and ask does she still love you etc. This is really clingy behaviour, and a total turnoff for a girl, whether she knows you inside out or not. I'm sorry to sound so harsh here, but you have made this poor girl the complete centre of your world, and that's a lot of pressure for her. No wonder she wants a break! And look what it's done to you - you're happiness depends on her being there for you all the time, and as a result you're in agony right now.
    This break is a good thing for both of you! You need to get perspective on your own life. You are, after all after spending a long time with one person during a time when your own beliefs and feelings are undergoing so much change. Let this girl breathe a little - and that means no games, no emotionally blackmailing texts about whether she loves you or not - just let her be. You two seem completely over dependent on each other (re: she thinks you're too good for her.) Give yourself a break from all of this. It will reinforce your own individuality, you will be much more attractive to YOURSELF and then you can start worrying about what your gf thinks of you... mind you, if you start looking after yourself a bit more, and taking time for YOU, you won't really care what other people think - and you will be much more attractive to everyone!
    Ah but giggles, having been through this myself - being in the same situation as Myk finds himself - I know how tough it is and it's just the way the other person makes you feel. Its them that's turns you into that sort of person, you just lose all control over who you are. This girl is treating him like crap. Rather than being up front and honest with him, she is just stringing him along and trying to make him split with her so that she does not have to feel guilty. My ex did this to me - but then changed his mind, would not let me finish it, and then finished with me a week later. It all boiled down to being in control and power in the end. Really pathetic. I don't have time for people like that and playing games with people is pathetic. If I was Myk I would be telling her to get lost and trying to slavage my snity and move on. Myk you deserve so much better, so don't settle for less.

    Think about how much you value yourself? I am sure yourself worth is very high, so why settle for omething that is way beneath that. This girl is right when she says she doesn't deserve you and that you are too good for her. You are way too good for her! If she wants to be with someone who is a rebel and will treat her like **** then let her go be with someone like that. Don't let her change you or ruin your life. Took me 2yrs to get my life back - so be brave and get rid!!
    giggles's Avatar
    giggles Posts: 143, Reputation: 27
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    #13

    Apr 10, 2006, 05:47 PM
    I agree with your post H, I don't think they're good for each other at all. I suppose I just wanted Myk to see that this behaviour alone is an indicator that things are completely out of kilter. And like both of you, I have been ensconced in this type of "relationship" if such is even worthy of the word. I suppose at this stage of mind bending games with each other, it's more important to get your own sense of self back - to realise you don't want to behave in this way towards others, and to your own detriment. Reclaim dignity, and realise how attractive you are to yourself before committing to something that is not going to be good for you and do you justice.
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    myk3 Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Apr 10, 2006, 11:55 PM
    OK here's the final update. On after a week of texting each other, we dicided to meet on Friday and go out as friends, I went back to her house and we where cuddling all night etc slept in the same bed that night and we did sleep together. We where going to meet again during the week, she wanted to take things slow as if our relationship was new kind of thing. Well the day after that (sat) she went out that night with her mate, and she bumped in to her best friends brother, who I think I mentioned in the 1st post. She was very drunk, went back to his house and slept with him. Then went home to early morning. She the next day texted me what she had done and how stupid she is wishing she could turn back time, telling me she loves me so much and wishes it never happened. I then like an ideot said we can get over it... when no you cant, I just didn't want to believe it was true and that ill never see her again. Well then I sent a text later that night saying no we can't be together this won't work I can't forgive you, I also said that you have lost prob the best partner you will ever find and I knew there was potential for something like this to happen with you and him. Then she sent one back saying OK I don't blame you, you where a big part of my life and this is by far the biggest mistake I have ever made, and yes you prob are right you are prob the best partner I will ever have in my life. Take care, love rachael. Then she texted back quoting, where I said about there was potential for this to happen. She said I don't like him in this way what so ever it was a very stupid drunken mistake. I sent one back and then got a reply which said I'm so upset now as it is really over and I will never see you again, I feel very gutted and so sick as this time it is for real we won't see each other again. Then my soft side came out, and I said look ill give you a ring in a month time and we can go out and see where it takes us. Then I did text her the following day for some stupid reason and she never got back to me all day, then I said look if you think that this contact in a month time won't work just tell me so I can move on. Then she at 1 in the morning sent me a text saying I have thought long and hard and I the reason for me wanting you back is because I feel guilty even though I have done nothing wrong. So I sent one back and all is ended and over for now, I said don't ever call or text me again I need to get over us now. I feel so upset now, all I can remember is the holiday 4 weeks ago where we where planning our future and all was going so well to plan. I can't stop crying I miss her so much, I can't stop thinging about her even when I go out with friends it don't make it better at all. I feel as if ill never get any one else like her again, she is so good looking and has a very slim toned body, I feel so lonely at night its so upsetting. I have to move on. But I'm finding it so hard :(

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