Okay, here goes nothing... I have been divorced from my ex husband now for 3 years. I began dating someone I met about a year later and one of the biggest things I loved was the communication. We could talk about anything! He's always been very jealous of my ex because we still have frequent contact because of our 2 young children. Basically he's not a dead beat. Lately however, the man I've been dating is becoming controlling of how I deal with my ex. He doesn't think we need to be all friendly with each other just discuss important issues about the kids. Right before school started this year, my ex wanted me and the kids to have lunch together so we can discuss the new school year and our expectations for both of them. We have shared custody so they are with both of us through out the week. My boyfriend was furious that my ex wanted it to be just the 4 of us instead of him and my ex's girlfriend he is now living with (the one he left me for). He also doesn't want my ex stopping by with the kids when he picks them up after school or coming over for what ever reason when he's not here. My labor day weekend was ruined because I let the kids call their dad, and they talked to him and then about a 1/2 an hour later, he texted me telling me thank you and to have fun. When my kids went out of town with him a few weeks ago it was like pulling teeth to try and get a hold of him to talk to the kids.

My boyfriend doesn't feel I should give him respect when talking to the kids when ever they want when my ex doesn't reciprocate the respect. I told my boyfriend I am modeling good behavior - showing the kids the respect I have in hopes that maybe their dad would finally catch on. Then my boyfriend was pissed when I didn't send my ex a text back saying there is no need to text when you just talked to the kids and I am on vacation. HOW RUDE!! Why would I want to start a conversation instead of just ignoring the text?? But according to my boyfriend I was inconsiderate of his feelings and now he want to get involved and tell my ex not to text me after he talks to the kids. I don't know what to do! Its like he's trying to control me and thinks that me not wanting him to confront my ex makes it seem like I'm trying to protect my ex and to hell with my boyfriends feelings. That is not the case at all but the jealousy and insecurity over my ex is really frustrating! Now on top of it he wants to control when I leave my phone off and on and when my kids can call cause it makes it seem like "I'm" still checking in with him. That he will always come first even though we're divorces and my boyfriends feelings and concerns are totally disregarded. I can't take this anymore! How do I explain my point of view w/o him saying "oh it always has to be done your way"?? Signed Annoyed & Over It!

I have to be honest. I had a hard time keeping up with that and who was what "him" So I may not have got all of it but got enough to realize that your current boyfriend has got to go. For starters he's not a good fit for a relationship. As you point out he's jealous and controlling. That's one thing for you but you and your ex are both trying your best to raise two children and apparently doing quite well despite your separation. The negative factor in your children's lives seems to be the current boyfriend so he's got to go. If I just moved next door to you and said that your children don't deserve the right to see their father, you'd tell me to F off. Well that's what's going on here, but the guy saying it isn't some stranger, he's you boyfriend. He doesn't have to realize anything at this point, he's just got to go.

Your boy friend needs to go. He has no right to tell you what to do with your children. And if you and your ex can have a decent relationship when it comes to your kids, that's great.
This is just a foretaste of what things will be like if you stay with this guy. He will control you and be trying to tell you what to do with your kids.
Do yourself and your children a favor and lose him quickly.

Your boyfriend has to understand that, as you have two children with your ex, that's always going to link you and your ex together. Not in a romantic sort of way but your boyfriend needs to be prepared to accommodate that. It doesn't sound like you've done anything improper, save for the possibility of not including your boyfriend and your ex's girlfriend in your recent lunch outing. I say that because this is also a two-way street ; if you are going to have a boyfriend and possibly get serious with him then you've got to be prepared to let him be a part of your kids' lives as well. Same goes for your ex's girlfriend. You cannot realistically shelter your boyfriend from your kids. Maybe he feels that you're trying to exclude that part of your life from him and that could be why he gets so upset.

Your boyfriend is acting childish and insecure. Your ex is always going to be in your life because you two have chidren together. He either can deal with it or he can't, but if it has you frustrated now, and you two are not even married, it will only get worse.

Anyone that is this controlling is definitely insecure (and you know this). Usually this type of person doesn't change their behavior, it only gets worse and WILL set a very bad example for your children.

I can somewhat understand the problems an ex can present in a relationship, especially where children are involved, you have to balance this.

With that being said; seriously I would end it now. Just out of curiosity is he also narcissistic?

The biggest reason in changing a negative behavior (and I'm not sure if it will be permanent) is fear, fear of losing something.

Stringer

Do you really need this type of b/f controlling your life? Tell him to back off, and if he can't show him the door.

I agree with everyone else here when they say that your boyfriend needs to back off or be shown the door. The kids aside, no one needs a jealous and controlling partner. Throw the kids into the mix and it just makes things harder.

Some frank communication is what is needed here. You need to sit down and give it to him in no uncertain terms that his churlish behavior ceases or he is history!