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whowhatwhy · Dec 8, 2011, 04:40 AM

I have been with my girlfriend for 4 months and we have recently found out she is pregnant with twins.
Last week I had a minor freak out and ever since then she doesn't know if she wants to be with me. She told me that my freak out has messed with her head and feelings and she can't help the way she feels. I told her that it won't happen again because I've sorted my head out and I'm not scared anymore. All I want, is to do right by her and help her through this pregnancy, but I do not want to lose her. One moment she tells me she loves me, the next she doesn't know if she wants to be with many anymore. I do not know what to do. Any help will be very much appreciated.

Thanks!

UhnonimuS · Dec 8, 2011, 05:08 AM

The best thing you can do right now, is be patient. I cannot promise anything, but I suspect she will come around.
If you freaked out, you may of scared her, and she may have distanced herself from you. Try your hardest to NOT bring up your freak out.
You could bring it up and tell her over and over how sorry you are, but that will be nothing but annoying to her for now.

All you do is be as nice as you possibly can, remember, her emotions are so flustered right now,
A girl realizes she's pregnant and she's not sure if she's having a dream or a nightmare until the pregnancy is over. Show her it's a dream,
Take care of her. If she wants you around, then when you're around be her dream guy, open doors, cook for her (even if it's as simple as top o ramen) and listen, always be calm, and understanding.

Now here is the hard part... when she says she doesn't want you around?
You need to say, "Alright, whatever you want sweetie, I just want you to be happy, I'm here if/when you need me."

And then you wait... it may take days for her to even talk to you, (but it could also only take hours... ) and once she does, things will be better.

If she makes that choice, the choice to contact you even after she was the one who made the choice to remove contact with you... Success!

Hope some of this is helpful, good luck.

whowhatwhy · Dec 8, 2011, 05:17 AM

It will all help me, thanks. I am in completely uncharted grounds and haven't really got a clue what to do. I have told her that I love her and want to be with her, but the decision is hers, I said I will not put her under any pressure and will respect her decision. If she does break up with me for good then it will devestate me but I will deal with it because I'm going to be a dad next year and that's the most important thing to me. I just hope she won't and need ideas of how to keep her from splitting with me.

UhnonimuS · Dec 8, 2011, 05:32 AM

Listen, you seem like you've got your head straight on your shoulders, that's more than we can say for most these days.

EVEN IF, she breaks up with you, just let her know you'll still be there if she ever needs anything...

Just continue to respect her as you've already said you're doing. Think of it this way... if that one freak out happened, let's say she stopped talking to you for a little bit... well now you're talking at least right? Maybe even more? As long as you continue forward with her, as slow as it may seem, things will get there. Eventually she'll hold your hand again, she still "won't know" but she'll be holding your hand... etc. And eventually one day, she will crack a smile and laugh about these days that will then be in the past... and you two will be side by side, unstoppable.

Keep your head up, I'm rooting for you.

whowhatwhy · Dec 8, 2011, 05:35 AM

Thank you. I really hope that your right, she means the world to me. I guess its just a waiting game then. Il keep you informed on what happens. Thanks again.

UhnonimuS · Dec 8, 2011, 05:44 AM

Sounds good bud, fingers crossed.

geminichick · Dec 9, 2011, 07:34 AM

Sometimes when a woman is pregnant, she has certain hormonal changes. Just be there for her, like you have, keep supporting her emotionally. Talk to her about her feelings and why she feels that way. She is in a vulnerable condition right now. It will also be a major life change to have a baby let alone twins. I also wanted to ask you, did she ever mention to you before she was expecting, that she said or felt that she didn't want to be with you?

whowhatwhy · Dec 9, 2011, 11:02 AM

No, everything was perfect before we knew she was pregnant. We were in the honeymoon period of our relationship and were falling in love with one another, it was great..
Saying that, I spoke to her today over the phone and we were chatting and laughing like old times, it was brilliant, like nothing had ever happened.
She still hasn't shown interest in seeing me, I asked about tomorrow, she said she was busy and I didn't want to push her.
Its made me happy today to hear her laugh again but the future is still uncertain, I am just going to stick with it, enjoy the good times, be there for her through the bad times.
If she doesn't want to speak to me, that's fine, she's going to be the mother of my children and she can have or do whatever she wants regardless of my feelings because I am not important right now. Im happy now I know what I've got to do and thanks for the support guys :D

talaniman · Dec 9, 2011, 04:28 PM

Pregnant females can drive you nuts. Just be extra patient, and do everything there way. Giving life drives them insane and half the time they don't know what they are saying or feeling.

No matter what crazy stuff they say, do it and don't argue. Twins huh?? Congratulations, but its double the trouble, but you will appreciate the craziness later. You both will.

Its really simple, she can be crazy, scared, and insane. You cannot be, you have to be the understanding rock and put up with whatever she puts down with love and unwavering support, even if it means sitting in the dark, shaking like a leaf.

Make yourself comfortable, 9 months is a long time. 18 years is even longer though, so stay in it to win it, and have a good job. Have I scared you yet??

UhnonimuS · Dec 9, 2011, 04:33 PM

whowhatwhy

Great to hear from you, sooner than I expected too... see? She wasn't talking to you... now she's laughing with you on the phone... sounds like you have a good sense of direction in where to go from here. Remember, as long as things are not getting worse... things will start to get better.

Also, good work on restraining yourself from pressuring her into hanging out. Fingers still crossed!

whowhatwhy · Dec 10, 2011, 03:43 AM

Honestly talaniman, no you haven't scared me. Ive already gone through the worst possible things that can happen in my head and am no longer scared anymore. I no I'm going to be skint for the rest of my life and I now no that she is going to hate me throughout this pregnancy, but I no what I have to do to be a good boyfriend and I'm going to stick to what I hve been told to do on this forum. All of you have helped me a lot to understand what to do and helped me get my head straight, I cannot thank you enough. Im fairly sure that everything will be OK in the future and I cannot wait to be a father.

Thanks a lot.