My girlfriend of over 3 years just told me that whe feels the only way to save our relationship is for us to take time apart to see how real it is. I'll explain, first off I'm now 34 and this is/was my first real committed long term relationship. We knew one another five years before we started dating from work. I had a crush on her then, but never approached her, she was in a another relationship. I left the job straightened out my own personal life and 5 years after I last saw her without any contact I randomly bumped into her in a coffee shop. We started dating and began a beautiful relationship and friendship. We had so much in common and loved spending time with one another. We were "in love" our parents loved her and me and all our friends thought we were going to be a perfect fit for the long run. I felt this as well. Through out the relationship though there were moments when I felt like I wasn't the most important person in her life. I understand family and friends are important, but the biggest issue in yhis relationship was this factor. I felt too much like she would choose her sisters feelings before mine. I think we were both in denial and thinking that it we would work through it and since there wa such a common bond that this couldn't be enough to break us. As our relationship grew we decided to move in together. I felt she was reluctant about it and it turns out she was, but we went ahead with it and turned out to be great. Things are still "good" but for the idea of taking the next and getting married she says her gut is telling her be reluctant. She says after being where we are in the relationship, then way doesn't she feel like taking the next step doesn't feel right. She says she's felt this for awhile, but hasn't brought it because she was afraid of hurting me and to see if this feeling would change. So here we are 3 yrs later and it has come up. She feels that something with us is missing and she needs time off to figure out how much she values aour relationship. She knows that I am ready to be with her forever and that she is the one for me, but she is still unsure for herself. She's acknowledgged that I have been great and there wasn't anything I did to cause this.she says there is a connection missing when we kiss and maybe a lack of passion. There were lulls in our sex life that get better.I on the otherhand have realized that I took too much for granted and might have gotten complacement. Even though I was always there for her as a friend I might not have always been there for her as much in romace and intimacy. This could be in part to my fear that I would be rejected or it would go unwanted. There are ways that I acted that could have turned her off from me, even though throughout she seemed as if everything was fine. I ask now if you think it's possible after some time off to try and romance her again slowly and maybe make this relationship complete. Thank you

How old is she?

Would she be willing to go with you for couples counseling?

I got the feeling, when reading your post, that she has already started the separation process. She wants to date again and hopes to find her perfect match? It sounds like there could be a future with the two of you, but she has to want it, thus my counseling suggestion. If she's not willing to go that route, I'd say your relationship is over.

When a person wants time out it usually means they ve not been happy for some time.it could be because their feelings have changed ,they re afraid of commitment or for other reasons.if this is what she wants you can only give it to her.what happens after that no one knows.the important thing is to leave her to it and not try to persuade her to go back to what was.I understand that you must feel unhappy and insecure about this situation but there are no guaranties that you ll be able to establish a closer bond.only time will tell.

She's 33 I'm 34. She brought up counseling a few months ago when we had a fight that almost broke us up then. This is when she alluded to us missing something. But we hugged and cried it out and said we both don't want to lose what we have. Unfortunately neither of us followed through on it and we continued on our path of status quo.

I've accepted the fact that we might not work out. I mean this piece that she claims is missing may not be up to us and it may not be something either one of us can give to each other no matter how much we change. I think she also has a fear of comittment as well, does anyone have experience with that and is it something time apart can fix? Who knows, right? I've never experienced emotional pain like this, and the not knowing is killing

I think she needs to figure out what she wants or what is missing in this relationship. Sounds too me she is content to a point, but doesn't want to take it a step further and get married. Whatever the reason is she has to work through it herself. If she isn't willing to go to counseling you need to give her space, to see where the two of you stand. She might have been hurt really bad in the past, and sometimes we carry the baggage with us. Talk to her and tell her you want to make the relationship workout, if she isn't willing to do so, nothing is going to change it or make it better unless she is ready to do so.

The best thing you can do is give her what she asked for, and get your own life that you enjoy, without her, together.

No one knows what the future holds, but you have to be healthy to deal with whatever it is life throws at you next.

Most people who take the time to heal, don't want to go backward, because as they heal, and move forward, they see better options, and opportunities, ahead of them.