Hi I am with someone for the last 2 years and have been living together for the last 6months, he had a partner for 20 years who died 9 years and since that he didn't have any other relationships.
I now leave in his house which was their house and there are many photo frames of his ex in every room,in one room there are 6!! I didn't say anything at the beginning but as time goes by I feel it is not fair for me to see his ex all the time in front of me and also there is no picture of me in the house which I find strange,it seems as my partnmer still lives in his past and he is not over of his ex
I ve talked about this with him and he told me he will remove most of the photos,am I right of asking him to remove all of them?? Also he said he said he will remove most of them 2 months ago and he has only removed 5!!
Do you think I am right on this?? I feel guilty sometimes but on the other hand I don't think its very healthy having pics of his ex all over the place even in our bedroom,he could put them in a box and keep them there
What do you think??

She's hardly his ex, she did not walk away, she died, they shared 20 years together, no doubt he still loves her, but is in love with you, do you see the distinction?

Granted its does seem excessive, how about a compromise, a cabinet with glass doors or shelf unit that he can put her pictures on, he should not be expected to just put her pictures away in a box.

There is a compromise here, you can repaint, and put your own touch in the house, you can make it a new home for both of you.

He has to have a space in his head and heart for her, he won't forget her, don't tarnish his memories, talk about it,work on your future together.

You have only been in his house for 6 months, and one would have assumed you would have had the conversations about the changes to be made BEFORE the move was made. As evident by his reluctance to make the changes you want in the time you want it, he just isn't ready for those wholesale changes yet. But if you communicate, and scale things according to what he can handle, you may be able to bring slow progress to the process of transition, maybe just work on one room at a time, or get his ideas as what he wants done with his obviously very precious memories, pictures, and mementos. In this modern digital age, a flash drive is a better fate than a box in the attic.

Death is hard, when someone you love dies they go to a place where you can't ever contact them again. After a while their laugh, their smell, and their touch fade from memory. This isn't always healing to the grieving. Sometimes it seems like betrayal to the bereaved. He will treasure you if you are supportive. She can't do anything to come between you. It's a big step for you to even be in the home. Don't be mad that he only took 5 pictures down. That was a big step. He loves you. You might push him away if you make him move too quickly. He will have to grieve privately. You want him to include you. Good luck I feel for you.

After 9 years with his wife being deceased, I would too, expect the past, to be put in the past. After all we are talking pictures here, reminders and memories, that should be put to rest.

If she were still alive and they had divorced and the pictures were there, I would say that he's not yet ready for a serious relationship. But, the fact that she is dead, he should long ago grieved the loss of his wife, and his life with her, and moved on.

I don't think it is unreasonable that you should expect him to be able to commit to you. Yet with constant reminders of her, that puts you in a strange and uncomfortable place.

If he needs more than 9 years to overcome the death of his wife, and he is unable to even put her pictures away, I doubt that under the surface he is ready for a relationship either.

If he needs counselling to move past this, and is willing, I would encourage him to do so. If he is unwilling or unable to move forward with you, just you, my advice is to seriously consider whether you can settle for the way things are, or you need more from a partner. This is your life after all.