Hey guys

So recently my partner and I got into a bit of a spat and he blurted out saying I have trust issues... which confused the hell out of me, because I don't. I tried explaining to him I don't but it's like his mind was already set up. My only understanding of why he thinks I have trust issues is because when we first started dating he had a female friend who he claims was like a sister but me catching up with her a few times it soon become apparent that she had strong feelings for him and was pretty peeved that I was with him she would do anything to break us up and when I told my partner about it he cracked it at me but soon realized I was telling the truth. My other concern was him being too friendly to certain females that kept getting the wrong impression and then constantly texting him wanting to catch up and get between us so again I just told him my concerns and again there was a argument. He works late hours and comes home late, if I didn't trust him I'd be calling and texting him every hour and I don't and he agreed I'm not like that... so I'm kind of confused why he just blurted out that I have trust issues. He doesn't have many friends because he realized that they just use him and he is a very social person so he hates not having friends.
Any time we have an argument he says he doesn't know where our relationship is going but this time he said that and the trust issues. Then a few days later he apologized for what he said... but it sort of made me take a step back and question my feelings and what I'm doing wrong? I don't know I'm still quite confused by it all and I think that's why our sex life has gone down hill really badly. I always tell him to talk to me about any concerns and he said yes I will but he never has. I give him space I let him do what he wants. So I'm just really confused, I was watching the bachelorette and starting crying because she got engaged lol it made me think now that he said he thinks I have trust issues will he ever want to get married? How can I show him I do t have trust issues like I said he gets to do whatever he wants and gets his space.

Try reading what you wrote again... now imagine it was someone else that wrote it. Imagine it was him that wrote it... you gave lots of examples of trust issues.


I do see trust issues by how you write about every female he has been friends with. Would you be OK if he did that about every male you know in your life?

See my point... not every woman out there is out to steal your man... or get him in bed.

I would bet good money this is the root of why your sex life has gone down hill... he feels deep resentment over this.

If it was me... I'd be righteously indignant about all of it.

How do you show him you trust him? Stop this overly paranoid schoolgirl stuff every time he talks to a female. If he stays with you its because he chooses to be with you... don't make him question how wise it is by acting in this manner. Want to drive a guy away... start dumping on him about who he can and can't talk to. Who he can and can't be friends with.

It might be news to you... but guys can be friends with women, without both of them having to fight the desire to hop into bed and fornicate the second everyone's eyes are diverted. I'm a guy... I have lots of female friends... and my wife had guy friends... we actually do trust each other because neither of us are paranoid about the other and their friends.

If you can't trust your love interest to be faithful to you... then you really don't have much of a relationship to begin with.

You do seem to have trust issues, but not of him, but of other females, and I bet that comes across to him with every female he has any contact with.

I think it would be wise to keep your concerns of his female friends to yourself. Are you afraid he will fall for the wiles of another female? Of course you are. Stop acting out of fear of other females and let him handle his own business. I bet when you express your concern about the intentions of other females, you don't stop until he agrees with you. Your concerns also shows that he will NOT handle these females correctly, and that IS a lack of trust with HIM! Close?

Having said that you paint a different picture in your other posts, and left out a lot. That's why we discourage multiple posts about the same subject and they may have to be merged to get the facts in the same place for accuracy if you don't mind.

This is to get you to think about the situation in other ways. Sometimes we become blinded to our behavior and don't realize the affect our actions and words have on those around us or what they say about how secure we feel.

Are you the one who points out that his friends "just use him"? Have you encouraged him to get out and make new friends? Or do you hold him back by claiming you need time with him. That your 'needs' are not getting met? Are you being passive/aggressive when he wants to be social with anyone but you?

How many of his 'friends' have you convinced him were trying to hook up with him, out to break you up, using him, etc.?

You don't have to keep calling or texting him to show distrust. How you act around other people and what you have to say about them and him is enough. If you always go out with him and act clingy or stand-offish to his friends, it is a way of saying you don't trust him out of your sight.

Do you have friends and interests that you pursue that he isn't a part of? Do you each have 'me' time to let off steam, vent, re-energize, just have fun with other people so that you bring new energy into the relationship?

Trust is everything. You have no real proof of anything or to think otherwise. As soon as you are comfortable and confident in your own skin and relationships & stop conjuring things up in your head, then maybe you will be able to accept him. And him, you. And you both can chill and have friends (regardless of gender), and move forward. Badgering him for no reason will only create space. Then you will really have something to worry about.

Sometimes, the guilty party, will accuse the innocent party, of having trust issues.

This puts up a safety barrier that deflects fault from the guilty one, and confuses the innocent one.

It is handy for an unfaithful person to convince the other, that they have 'issues', and it's really just a cover up.

It may not be you at all.