Hi, I'm sonia new here

About a week ago my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me saying he doesn't love me anymore. On nov 2007 I moved out of the city that he lives and we decided to continue our relationship because we were sure we are going to get married once he is done university so the last month we didn't talk much and when I did call him he wouldn't say anything nice until last week he told me not to call him anymore and its over. I'm heartbroken and can't believe its really over, usually we do break up but then get back together after a while so I just want know if we will ever get back together or its over?? I just want know

No reason to believe its not over. Why even talk about marriage right now? If you "usually breakup" just to get back together... you have issues. Apparently those issues are not so reconcilable anymore.

I'm sorry. Having lost a few big loves in my life, its no fun being where you are now.

I think you've drifted apart and that's that.

I just can't make myself believe it, all the time we spent together and when he broke up with me he did it with sms and when I called him he didn't answer so how can somebody who has loved you for 5 years end it like this?? Was it all a lie?

When a relationship isn't going well, the ONLY thing it has going for it is the time and effort both people are able/willing to put into it. By this I mean daily commitment to working on the actual issues, not just "hanging out" and pretending the issues aren't there.

When you moved away, you're relationship was doomed. It wasn't strong enough to survive the distance. If you stop and think over the past 12 months, I'll bet you could predict this was a strong possibility. Is that true?

All that's happened is that the inevitable conclusion of your relationship has finally come. "...usually we do break up but then get back toghether after a while..." so you two were already trying to get free from one another, but the good memories kept tricking you into thinking whatever broke you up wasn't important. That's too bad.

You broke up back then for legitimate reasons. The reasons you got BACK together were completely different reasons, and they were competing priorities. I only wish you had figured it out in time to make the final split YOUR choice instead of his, it would be so much easier on your spirit.

You're now starting to forget again ALL the reasons you could already name why you two really aren't destined to be together with your frantic questions "Is it over?" (yes) "will we ever get back together again?" (no, and please don't even try, it's just more wasted weeks) "will I marry him???" (get a GRIP girl!)

Your birthdays? Please don't start looking for hocus pocus and horoscopes and numerologist ways to keep after him. It sounds like he has realized all this and is starting the process of No Contact, the way to most quickly/painlessly move on with his life. You should follow his lead. He's already working on his life and his next thing. You should do the same.

"Was it all a lie?" Ridiculous question, of course it wasn't! Don't do that. Right now it is critical that you remember things clearly and don't let anger/frustration cloud your memories or cause you to jump to emotional conclusions. You two had some good times, just not NEARLY enough good ones to base a whole future on. He wants better than you two had, you should want more as well. No way that doesn't mean you two didn't feel something real. It just wasn't enough.

I feel your pain and confusion, and I hope you enjoyed it, because it is over. If it makes you feel better, he probably has felt like leaving for a while now, and finally took the opportunity to end it. Life can be hard, and disappointing, but we do move on to better things, when the shock wears off. Give yourself all the time you need to heal, and leave him alone. You will recover. Click on the links in my signature, for some really good suggestions, on what to do when a relationship ends.

Something to be said about the pattern your relationship has. You break up and get back together. Do you break up for good reason or just on a whim? Understanding this is a very rough time for you, and having been in the same position more then once myself, keep that in mind with what I say.

Sometimes things are not meant to be. Sometimes they are. You have to make a mind will decision to be with someone. That is a lot harder for some people then others.

When in doubt refer back to JB's post for further details.

People in healthy, happy relationships do not break up all the time! And think about it, if this guy can easily discard you with a snap of the fingers, if this guy can turn his back on you after 5 years... you don't need that. You will be better off without him. You deserve someone who is willing to stick by you, without dumping you. So even if he does come crawling back, value yourself enough to know that you deserve better than his actions. (And I'm not saying it was just all him.) I'm sure you will need to work on yourself as well if you want a lasting, healthy relationship. Seriously... one day you will consider yourself lucky to be free of him.

Hey I know your frustration. I dated a girl for 7 years and it crashed and burned in the end, with a couple of separations in between. It wasn't a lie. But some relationships, especially when youger, are right for the time, but not for forever. You and the other person grow and learn and its not always in the same ways or together.

Its no fun being where you are. I've been there. But I took what I learned from those years, tried to do the good things right again, tried to avoid the mistakes I made and the noise I put up with, and started again.

Another relationship lasted two years. Another one several months. Eventually I met my wife and now am married 8 years.

No fun where you are... but at this point you need to treat the relationship as over and done. Doesn't mean it was a lie. Doesn't mean it wasn't worth it. But it does mean pretending its just another breakup-makeup cycle isn't going to get you anywhere but frustrated.

Which means of course you get to be sad and hurt for a time. Been there myself. It gets better, but you got to hurt, then get mad, then eventually not waste time hurting because of a person who isn't "yours".

Thanks a lot you guys, it helped a lot and I feel so much better just needed to talk to someone about it

You guys are awesome thank you very much