I'll do my best to highlight the main points...

I was in a relationship with a girl for three years. We were living together and I had started school (med school). Which was a year ago at this point. As time passed in school our relationship seemed to suffer but slowly. Everything on the surface was fine but I seemed to lose track of my feelings for her which sounds ridiculous, I know. Eventually I found that I was noticeably attracted to other women, which upset me because I love this person VERY much and am still very much attracted to her.

I'm not sure if this is an extension of my own feelings or maybe her insecurity but just before I went back to school she started to break up/make up with me fairly regularly. Basically when she was having a bad day and I wasn't able to put myself in the position to console. I figured that maybe this was only temporary and that we were having a rough time of it and it would pass. But she kept breaking up with me and expecting me to just take her back every time... It was really hard to deal with and I place a fair share of the blame on myself because I wasn't able to contribute the same amount of time and energy to the relationship as I was before I started school.

My grades and professional performance began to drop, because of what we were going through. So she broke up with me one time and we didn't get back together (still lived together... sigh) and I became somewhat (not physically) involved with another woman. But neither she nor I wanted to pursue anything because of my situation so we cut ties. I felt the need to be honest with my ex at this point because I decided that I was ready to give it another shot, So I told her which obviously went over well... She was very upset about it (no we weren't "together" but I understand how she feels). I got her a token of my feelings, asked her If she would have me on what was going to be our anniversary etc. I don't know if I just lost some of what made it special for me, but things obviously weren't the same after we got back together. I wasn't making it apparent to her but she made it clear that she wasn't in it at the moment and approached me about just being friends. From how she was talking it seemed like it was what she thought was the best so I went along with it.

That was about a month ago. Everything seemed like it was going fine, I'm fully convinced that this person is my best friend. She then came to me one day and said that she couldn't do it anymore and needed all of me or none of me. And I didn't know what to do. I'm not involved with another person or anything like that. Faced with an ultimatum I couldn't just agree and possibly be with someone and not have my heart in it, that's not fair to anyone. But it is literally killing me everyday that I don't talk to her anymore. She is/was my best friend, I just don't know how our relationship lost its way.

We've since moved apart, same area, and everything is poised for us to move on, but I just don't feel comfortable leaving someone who says that they love me so much. I didn't think that I would miss her friendship this much, but I also don't know that being with her is the best thing for us.

Has anyone out there ever been here/have any kind words or advice? I'm going crazy with how back and forth I'm feeling. I know I love her and I was certainly in love with her, but no decision I make seems to make me happy. I just don't know what to do anymore and I can't wait too long because I know how that goes.

I think its your inability to let go and allow the proper healing time to regroup that's at the heart of your confusion, and frustration.

A relationship is not a priority for either of you so let it go. That's the only way to break old bonds, attachments, and habits and get a fresh perspective of the situation. I mean how many times must the experiment fail before you change the procedure and premise?

Some times its best if best friends follow separate paths for a while.