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goodnfine000 · May 22, 2009, 06:12 AM

Hi
I am 21yr old boy studying in final year of my college and really obsessed with this girl of class since last 2 yrs . I really really love her . Just can't stop thinking thinking about . Daydreaming is what I all do all day . But she doesn't love me . I know it for sure . She knows that I love her so ignores me all the time . She just go away from any place when go there . I want to forget her . I tried everything . I would have even forget about her but she is really good friend of one of my best friend . And unfortunately he is too interested in her . I haven't told him about my obsession with her and don't want to . I feel jealous when they talk to each other . There are hundereds of reasons that I should stop this obsession but I just can't . Should I leave my friend , so I won't need to feel jealous any more and also then I won't be having any conatact with that girl so I might even forget about her ? Really confused and sad . I just sometime cry :(

I wish · May 22, 2009, 06:38 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

But you are correct, you should stop talking to your friend and the girl until you have recovered from your feelings for her. There's no magic potion to getting over a girl, except TIME.

If he is your good friend, he would understand why you can't talk to him for a while. The more you see them together and the more you see her, the longer you will suffer. Block them out of your life for as long as it takes to get over her.

These are the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

nitelight198073 · May 22, 2009, 06:58 AM

Yeah I have to agree with the above. Sop obsessing before you alienate

nikosmom · May 22, 2009, 07:05 AM

Originally Posted by goodnfine000

Hi
I am 21yr old boy studying in final year of my college and really obsessed with this girl of class since last 2 yrs . I really really love her . just can't stop thinking thinking about . Daydreaming is what i all do all day . But she doesn't love me . I know it for sure . She knows that i love her so ignores me all the time . She just go away from any place when go there . I want to forget her . I tried everything . I would have even forget about her but she is really good friend of one of my best friend . And unfortunately he is too interested in her . I haven't told him about my obsession with her and dont want to . I feel jealous when they talk to each other . There are hundereds of reasons that i should stop this obsession but i just can't . Should i leave my friend , so i wont need to feel jealous any more and also then i wont be having any conatact with that girl so i might even forget about her ? Really confused and sad . I just sometime cry :(

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you but what you are describing is not love; it's infatuation. There's a big difference. Love takes time to grow. You are acquainted with this girl through school and she's shown no interest in you.

I know that doesn't make getting over your feelings easier but you have to face the reality.

The fact that your pal and this girl are friends makes it harder to get over her but you can't continue to be in this situation. So you will have to separate yourself from this buddy so that you can heal. You don't need to explain to him why; just do your own thing for a while. Make new friends. Focus on yourself.

Don't continue to put any more energy into someone who doesn't return your feelings.

roxypox · May 22, 2009, 08:00 AM

It does seem that you need to stop hanging out with your friend for a while, and like nikosmom said; you don't need to tell him why.

Also focusing on yourself, you exams, and other friends (or make some new ones) is a good idea. Sometimes in situations like the one you're in... you really do need to distance yourself from the 'problem' (or cause of pain) and to not hang out with your friend for a while seems like a good start for you.

Best of luck

Roxy

liz28 · May 22, 2009, 10:27 AM

If you finding yourself becoming obsessed over this girl, which he unhealthy, then maybe it is time for you to seek help through counseling.

I found your obsession with this girl alarming.

Time for you to start taking up some hobbies and going out more. Volunteer someone where if you have to and don't be afraid to get counseling.

liz28 · May 22, 2009, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by roxypox

It does seem that you need to stop hanging out with your friend for a while, and like nikosmom said; you don't need to tell him why.

also focusing on your self, you exams, and other friends (or make some new ones) is a good idea. Sometimes in situations like the one you're in... you really do need to distance yourself from the 'problem' (or cause of pain) and to not hang out with your friend for a while seems like a good start for you.

best of luck

Roxy

Had to spread the rep but yes I totally agree.

talaniman · May 22, 2009, 10:33 AM

I think you keep the obsession to yourself, but back out of this situation with both of them. I'm sure there are other people to hang with, and get to know.

goodnfine000 · May 22, 2009, 02:48 PM

Thanks all for taking out time for me

@nikosmom
May be you are right . It's not love.. just an obsession.. but 2 years is still a long time and its really hard to be in this state .

@nikosmom
May be you are right . It won't be possible for me to go for counselling . May be you can suggest any professional counselor on net .

@all
Even ignoring my friend will not be easy . If I have to actually ignore him , I will have to kiss half of college social life good bye . We share same friend circle . It's really going to be tough for me .

Can you please suggest how much time it would take for any such feelings to go totally . Hoping my GMAT prep will help me keeping myself busy .

goodnfine000 · May 22, 2009, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by goodnfine000

Thanks all for taking out time for me
@nikosmom
May be you are right . It wont be possible for me to go for counselling . May be you can suggest any professional counselor on net .

quote intended for liz28

liz28 · May 22, 2009, 04:00 PM

I don't know where your at but if your in the US you can contact the mental health department at your local hospital to see if they offer free counseling. The ones in my area does.

Or if you have health insurance you can go through your doctor.

Or you can Google free counselors by typing in "free counselors in ___(your location) in the search box.

Obsessions are very unhealthy and at least you realize you have one because most people don't.

none12345 · May 22, 2009, 05:38 PM

I know what you mean buddy and I feel for you but obsession over someone is very unhealthy. Take some time to rethink your situation and think if she is the girl you really want to be with?

One sided love never works in a relationship. It has to be both sided for it to work. It would definitely be better if you found a relationship where the feelings are mutual.

As they say, if something causes pain, take it away. Likewise, take that girl out of your life, it is for the best. I know once you do, you will look back and think how silly it was you for you to be so obssesed over someone.

Duskarrow · May 22, 2009, 05:43 PM

Seems to me that you are obsessing on her... which is unhealthy for you. Seek some help from someone.

roxypox · May 23, 2009, 06:48 AM

Well if you have to prep for Gmat then that might be a nice start to create some distance for yourself... that way you're busy anyway.

Hem... seeing as the two of you and you're lives (your buddy) are so integrated... that will make it hard for you to avoid him I guess. Maybe just spending a little bit less time with him will help?

When is your semester over? Will you go home for summer? That might be a nice way to create some distance form this girl at least.

Can I ask a question: why do you think that you're obsessing over this girl?

As for online counseling... I'm sorry but I don't know of anything...

Do you have a counselor that you can talk to at school?

I know that at my university a friend of mine talked to a social worker once a week for a couple of months to help with anxiety... also we have a health care and mental health care center. The mental health care center offers students counseling for certain problems. You can come there once or twice a week for three months and if you need extensive help they help you find it elsewhere. (of course I live in Norway, it might not be so common in other places... )

But you could have course look into it.