OK, I had a frienship with a girl years ago when I was in school, this freindship was VERY strong and we had a special bond, both of us felt a strong love for each other but neither acted on it due to the fear of rejection form the other - I guess we both hid it form each other at the time - now we have each been through some ruff years, are now 30;ish and I am divorced with three children... she is married with children now,. we recenlty have gotten back in touch with each other after years of no contact... she says she is stable, but not happy and she got married because she thought she loved this guy and he was her last "golden ticket for love"... she said she wanted to married so badly and she didn't think she would ever have another chance... having said that... we reconnect... like I said earlier, and thngs seem to go right back to where they were years ago... deep talks, emotional sharing that only takes place with someone you truly trust, and an un-explainable strong emotion that just fills your heart with joy... but I feel horribly guilty about these emotions because she is married... she has never thought about cheating on her husband... but she says he isn't her "soul mate"... our frienship is quickly moving towards her maybe leaving her husband... we haven't had any physical contact... not even a kiss... I don't want to destroy their marriage but is it possible she is in love with me also? Could we really be soul mates that just connected at the wrong time? Is there such a love as this? After all these years we put all our feelings on the table just recently and that is how we now know about each others feelings... should I break this off, or could this be real... I am sooooo confused...

Yes. There is such a thing as a love like that. It's not uncommon. It's possible to be in love with quite a few people, if the circumstances are right. I have a number of women with whom someone might want to describe us as being "soul mates." Their husbands also know about the bond that we have for each other. But, the relationship never goes beyond that. If you don't want to interrupt her marriage, than I wouldn't even think about going beyond anything that the two of you enjoy as close friends because of the things that you share in common.

Does her husband know about her feelings for you and you for her?

Her husband does know about us being really good friends... she told him about me, and that we have a lot of catching up to do... but she now says that she thinks about me all the time and it is bothering her also... ditto for me... I asked her why she might feel like this just with me... well... she approached him about his lack of attention and apathetic ways towrds her... he bacially just provides for her... not an affectionate person or one who shows love... I think this is where her emotions are grounded and coming from... plus the bond we shared long ago... but to answer your question... he knows about me, but not how she FEELS about me

What you know about the husband is what she is telling you, right? So she could say most anything about him. One thing about married people who are unhappy in a marriage - there are times when the words used to describe their spouse are not quite the whole truth. It takes two to make and/or break a marriage. It does not sound like she was playing fair to begin with in the marriage.

So does that make you feel justified, I know it makes her feel justified, in pursuing this relationship you two have re-discovered.

If this is the real love, the long lost love resurfaced and your souls have united and karma is playing out, etc. then at least be sensible. You say there has been nothing physical between you two but there is an affair of the heart going on here. Before this goes any further and she commits physical adultery, she needs to be able to freely commit to you. That means divorcing her husband so that there are no further complications.

I know adultery does not seem to be a big deal so much anymore to some but that does not make it right. It is painful when discovered and can destroy what used to be decent people.

If she is your soul mate, then time will be on your side. I would say that when she can come to you as a single woman, then she can be able to give 100% to the proposed relationship with you. Why take anything less in a relationship? Encourage her to settle her life with her husband, so that she can move forward. To be fair to yourself, do not allow yourself to be used as an excuse for infidelity. Don't use your feelings as a compass here.

That is fantastic advice... thank you... should I try and remain friends and ecourage her, or will that simply fan the flames of this relationship... I do NOT want her to leave him because of me... she would need to leave for HER...

Do you currently have a girlfriend who is not married to whom you are attracted, cheers-mate?

The relationship was stable until you showed up and now she wants to leave. You also don't want to be the cause of her divorce. You must realise that you ARE the cause of her marriage going downhill, and you will be the cause for her divorce. Sometimes loving someone means leaving them alone.

I am at times shocked at some of the advice people seek. Does the quest for love really make people so selfish and mindless? What type of advice to you give a father of three who is asking if it is a good idea to pursue a married woman who is a mother of someone else's children? Therapy perhaps?

Sorry man, you should leave her alone. If you believe in soulmates, karma, and fate, you should realize this situation will work itself out the way it is meant. Meaning don't meddle in someone's marriage. How selfish are you? I'd say the same to your past "love" but she's not the one seeking advice.

You guys were so scared when you were young, you couldn't even tell each other about your feelings, but now that you have three kids, she has kids, and is married to someone else, you guys are ready to give things a shot? Totally makes sense. Absolutely. WHAT!

What she needs is a marriage councelor, NOT YOU. What you need is a SINGLE WOMAN, not her. Stop being selfish, both of you. Doing the right thing, even if it means you don't get what you want, is still doing the right.

--Cali

If you were married to her, would you want her to have a friend that close? Of course not,

It is not right, you should not have gotten to this pointand you need to break it off